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Asian Americans Celebrate Affirmative Action Ruling With 5-Minute Study Break
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/30/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 06/30/2023 12:57:55 PM PDT by DFG

IRVINE, CA — Jubilant revelry broke out yesterday following the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling against colleges using Affirmative Action policies in their admissions, with Asian American families celebrating by cutting loose with a five-minute study break.

"We're really letting it all hang out today!" said Stephen Chen. "An unprecedented court ruling calls for an unprecedented celebration. We've never let the kids have a break from their studies — especially not an entire five minutes!"

The ruling from the nation's highest court prevents colleges and universities from discriminating against applicants based on race or ethnicity, leading many to believe highly qualified Asian students will no longer be shut out in favor of filling quotas for students with other ethnic backgrounds. "Our kids could probably teach a lot of these college classes," said Jason Wong. "With colleges no longer being limited on the number of Asians they can accept, our children now have the amazing opportunities previously only afforded to kids who claimed to be oppressed."

Though some critics decried the court's ruling as damaging to minority students, others hailed the decision as a difference-maker for college video game competitions. "Having more Asian students will be a godsend for our Starcraft team," said college student William Moon.

At publishing time, the boisterous partying in the Asian-centric communities in the area was expected to stretch all the way until the break of 8 P.M., at which time the children would return to their studies of advanced astrophysics before meticulously cleaning their houses and going to bed early.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: affirmativeaction; asian; babylonbee; physics; supremecourt

1 posted on 06/30/2023 12:57:55 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

And, boy, were their moms mad about all that time off!


2 posted on 06/30/2023 1:10:12 PM PDT by skr (Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people. - Proverbs 14:34)
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To: DFG

Asians are smart and hard working. They are oriented towards success. I’ve seen extensive proof of this. They work hard and do well and should be rewarded for that.

Other groups are stupid and lazy. They don’t know what work is. They fail and blame their failures on the Universal Scapegoat - Whitey.


3 posted on 06/30/2023 1:14:13 PM PDT by I want the USA back (A man is not a woman. A woman is not a man. There is no in-between or undefined middle. Cat = cat.)
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To: DFG

The reason many if not most universities have done away with requirements testing is that knowledge, skills and intelligence testing tend to eliminate certain melanin groups in large numbers. If the universities went back to testing and taking only the top X percent that they have room for, then we’d know they weren’t selecting for race. But making you write an essay about how much you were discriminated against as the acceptance requirement will still tend to select certain melanin groups. Apparently, that’s the plan being discussed at some universities.


4 posted on 06/30/2023 1:15:42 PM PDT by Gen.Blather (Wait! I said that out loud? )
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To: I want the USA back
Asians are smart and hard working. They are oriented towards success.

Yet they vote for the Democratic Party.

The GOP is making inroads with the Hispanics. But not with the Asians.

5 posted on 06/30/2023 1:34:20 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
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To: MinorityRepublican

That’s because the Asians go to colleges/universities where they get brainwashed to vote Democrat (along with their upper-middle class white classmates). Crush the colleges/universities and you crush the democrat party.


6 posted on 06/30/2023 2:16:07 PM PDT by In_Iowa_not_from
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To: In_Iowa_not_from
That’s because the Asians go to colleges/universities where they get brainwashed to vote Democrat

Pretty much. You can say the same thing about the Whites. Just go to a random suburb in a large city. Usually the Whites tend to become more conservative as they get older. But you're not seeing that from the Asians.

7 posted on 06/30/2023 2:39:28 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
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To: DFG

And the ones that didn’t benefit from being the lower side of the Bell Curve are still pissed because they aren’t getting a free ride with this ruling. Asians and Jews are still tops in average IQ.


8 posted on 06/30/2023 2:57:56 PM PDT by vetvetdoug
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To: MinorityRepublican

Asians (East Asians in particular) put teachers and professors on pedestals. Many don’t see education as a means to an end, but to an end unto itself. Attacking an Asian’s lefty education would be like attacking a White or Hispanic person’s religion, sports team, or political party.

During the Cold War, Asian immigrants usually were Republicans because they were fleeing communism in China, Vietnam, etc (sort of like Cuban immigrants fleeing Castro). Nowadays, they are bringing communism.


9 posted on 06/30/2023 3:17:02 PM PDT by In_Iowa_not_from
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