Tick Bite Could Save Climate [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 May 2023 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

News that a bite from the lone star tick can cause a severe allergy to eating red meat has given a boost to the World Economic Forum's (WEF) vision of switching the human diet away from beef and toward eating insects.

WEF founder Klaus Schwab called the bug "an unexpected ally in our battle to save the planet from humanity. Ideally, people would altruistically switch their diets away from foods that contribute to climate change. As we know, though, habits of long tenure are hard to break. If we can accelerate the rate of tick bites or develop a vaccine that could achieve the same results--we can make red meat a less frequent choice of diners."

Schwab was unfazed by the possibility that a person infected with this red meat allergy could experience anaphylaxis, saying "the severity of the reaction to the allergy is a big plus. The threat of a sudden death from eating a steak would be much more potent a deterrent than the prospect of dying decades later from the clogged arteries that a red meat diet can cause. And if the deterrent doesn't work the speedier removal of another redundant human in our over-populated world is also a plus."

"As we have seen from the success of the covid vaccine mandates, huge majorities of the population can be made to obey a command to get vaccinated," Schwab observed. "I see no reason why a mandate to get the tick vaccine wouldn't be equally successful."

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[NWFree]

I’ll eat an extra piece of roast beef with my lunch for those poor souls.

Having rump roast

[GingisK]

Oh, yes. Eating red meat causes global warming. Yeah, of course. Sure.

[gundog]

Saw this coming....

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

Same.