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2. Contacting my daughter’s employer about her affair
Ask a Manager ^ | 12-9-22 | Alison Green

Posted on 12/09/2022 6:57:37 AM PST by Brookhaven

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From the comments:

It’s kind of wild that all I know about this woman is that she was cheating on her husband, and I still felt so much sympathy for her. Like, her parents are so deeply out of line that all I want is for her to get some freedom. If your boundary stomping parents are team husband I am looking at team husband with a skeptical eye. That’s how far over the line these people are, everything they want is automatically shady.

Can we also note that the parent’s response to this is “maybe putting my daughter’s income at risk will bring her into line”.

Almost definitely to keep her financially dependent on her husband and/or them, and therefore where they think she “belongs.” Goes nicely with the writer’s clear disdain for women who work.

I mean in fairness, “our nearly 30-year-old daughter started partying like a teenager and has left her husband for an older man from a dating site” is a pretty sudden reversal for someone who doesn’t have a history of self-destructive behavior. (I reread the original letter, and the LW said in the comments that the daughter was 28 and the new boyfriend was 42.) I can see why this would be surprising and worrying even for a parent who isn’t controlling. That doesn’t make the LW’s actions right–they’re still blatantly wrong–but I doubt even the chillest mom or dad would be able to just shrug at this one.

1 posted on 12/09/2022 6:57:37 AM PST by Brookhaven
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To: Brookhaven
went to college for human resources.

Mistake on the guy's part, you never date, never mind marry an HR Karen.

2 posted on 12/09/2022 7:02:24 AM PST by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: Brookhaven

Is this Amy Robach’s Mom?


3 posted on 12/09/2022 7:05:11 AM PST by JZelle
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To: Brookhaven

She’s a whore, he’s a cuck.
Both vote Democrat.

Any man that marries someone who wants to be in HR deserves pain.


4 posted on 12/09/2022 7:07:17 AM PST by EEGator
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To: Brookhaven

“Do not under any circumstances contact her employer.”

The last thing you want to do is get an HR Dept. involved in this. (I worked in HR for several years and, take it from me, you cannot trust them.)


5 posted on 12/09/2022 7:08:00 AM PST by MayflowerMadam
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To: Brookhaven

“I’m sure this is painful for you to watch, but you can’t interfere with your adult daughter’s employment in that way (or her personal life, for that matter).”

Naw, but her husband sure as hell can.


6 posted on 12/09/2022 7:09:01 AM PST by Boogieman
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To: Brookhaven

He wants to “work on the marriage”? The woman has double-downed on her destructive behavior. There is no marriage to “work on”.


7 posted on 12/09/2022 7:13:17 AM PST by drwoof
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To: Brookhaven
Not enough information to form any logical assessment. So, I won't even try,because I do not know who is overstepping their bounds or just expressing loving concern.

Your children will always be your children, even after they enter adulthood.

I will say that getting yet another party involved, is not the brightest route to explore taking.

8 posted on 12/09/2022 7:15:47 AM PST by Robert DeLong
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To: Brookhaven

9 posted on 12/09/2022 7:17:04 AM PST by monkeyshine (live and let live is dead)
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To: drwoof

yep


10 posted on 12/09/2022 7:17:25 AM PST by Irenic
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To: Brookhaven

An anonymous note to the owner/personnel manager would not be amiss, since these women are not good for the health and welfare of the other employees in the company. They’re like a gang, and no one needs gang activity in the workplace. What else are they up to, if they can persuade someone to throw away a marriage and family?


11 posted on 12/09/2022 7:17:42 AM PST by skr (Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people. - Proverbs 14:34)
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To: Brookhaven

Husband should just get a divorce and move on. There is no marriage to salvage. The wife has shown her true colors.


12 posted on 12/09/2022 7:18:52 AM PST by Disambiguator
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To: skr

[...not good for the health and welfare of the other employees in the company. They’re like a gang, and no one needs gang activity in the workplace.]

Something similar happened at a place I worked, except it was a gang of partying lesbians.


13 posted on 12/09/2022 7:26:57 AM PST by Farmerbob
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To: EEGator

My daughter started a new job end of November. She has always had a strong working ethic and went to college for human resources. We just recently found out she had been partying with girls from work and they have been encouraged her in having an affair. Well, her husband found out she is having an affair and all of us have been losing sleep and are emotionally stressed.


Well, she must be impressionable. So less than 10 days into her new job and she has already wrecked her marriage on the advice of her co-workers.

LOL. I assume he means Nov of last year. Even so, her husband should immediately file for divorce.


14 posted on 12/09/2022 7:27:57 AM PST by rbg81
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To: drwoof

He wants to “work on the marriage”? The woman has double-downed on her destructive behavior. There is no marriage to “work on”.


Right on. Dump her and move on.


15 posted on 12/09/2022 7:36:49 AM PST by HombreSecreto (The life of a repo man is always intense)
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To: Brookhaven

For people of a certain temperament, going off the rails with an affair or other dereliction like drugs or stealing is intoxicating and quickly becomes compulsive. There is no reasoning with such people, and they will continue on their way until they have lost their living circumstances through divorce or the loss of a job or a career. And even then, they are usually unwilling to see any wrong in themselves but become bitter and hostile toward those who tried to warn them off.


16 posted on 12/09/2022 7:37:01 AM PST by Rockingham
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To: EEGator

If I was a parent of this woman I would have written her off a long time ago. HR? Seriously? LOL.


17 posted on 12/09/2022 7:37:23 AM PST by Alberta's Child ("It's midnight in Manhattan. This is no time to get cute; it's a mad dog's promenade.")
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To: Boogieman

“Fraternization” implies she’s fooling around with a fellow employee, so yeah, it’s a company issue. Regardless of any company policy, there’s the question of a possible reporting relationship between them.


18 posted on 12/09/2022 7:38:49 AM PST by bigbob (z)
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To: Brookhaven

My life experience is that “sudden changes” in behavior are very very rare.

It is far more likely that she is just repeating previous behavior—but her husband never knew about it.

He should hire a divorce attorney now—and then get the best deal he can—there is nothing to “save”.

That is the only “plan” he should have.


19 posted on 12/09/2022 7:42:00 AM PST by cgbg (Claiming that laws and regs that limit “hate speech” stop freedom of speech is “hate speech”.)
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To: rbg81

I avoid anything HR or diversity training if possible.
I’m remote now, so it’s far easier.
I used to show up, sign in, let my manager see me, then go sit on the toilet for an hour…
Manager was female, couldn’t get me…


20 posted on 12/09/2022 7:42:42 AM PST by EEGator
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