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Republican Party Staves Off Red Wave
Babylon Bee ^ | 11/09/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 11/09/2022 10:48:26 AM PST by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid record discontent around the economy, inflation, and education, the Republican Party has narrowly managed to stave off what many thought would be a record-breaking red wave.

"This was a close call," said one Republican leader in Washington. "We were worried that we would achieve massive victories tonight, but we thankfully snatched defeat from the jaws of victory to achieve a much more proper and sensible red trickle, like the proper gentlemen we are."

Some Republicans achieved major victories, which were largely ignored by party leadership due to the fact that those Republicans were loud and icky "MEGA-MAGA" culture warriors. "Ron DeSantis won by double digits, and frankly, we find that quite uncouth," said a D.C. consultant while holding up a glass of red trickle victory champagne. "Everyone knows the key to being a good Republican is to muddle your message and make it really squishy so no one knows what you stand for and everyone will like you. Duh!"

Everyone in the room then golf-clapped politely.

At publishing time, Republican strategists were researching ways to keep their power in D.C. without achieving so much power that they'd actually have to become compelling leaders.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; gop; redtrickle; redwave; republican
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1 posted on 11/09/2022 10:48:26 AM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

True that, Bee.


2 posted on 11/09/2022 10:49:14 AM PST by Huskrrrr (Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
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To: DFG

That’s not even close to being satire 😏


3 posted on 11/09/2022 10:50:00 AM PST by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave)
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To: V_TWIN

Graham saying when we take the Senate we will pass a national abortion ban certainly was a sabotage move to stave off a wave.


4 posted on 11/09/2022 10:52:09 AM PST by TigerClaws
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To: DFG

Best account of the election by a mile.


5 posted on 11/09/2022 10:52:48 AM PST by headsonpikes (Mass murder and cannibalism are the twin sacraments of socialism - "Who-whom?"-Lenin)
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To: DFG

Told you so. They could not allow MAGA to win.


6 posted on 11/09/2022 10:53:29 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG
"This was a close call," said one Republican leader in Washington.

This must be a typo, first are there any GOP leaders? 2nd, aren't all GOP RINOs breathing a sigh of relief.

7 posted on 11/09/2022 10:55:39 AM PST by 1Old Pro
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To: TigerClaws

Yep.

Graham, romney, mcconnell, mccain........I defy anyone to show me a difference between any of those two faced backstabbers.


8 posted on 11/09/2022 10:55:59 AM PST by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave)
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To: DFG

HUGE LOSS FOR DEMOCRATS.....
NY Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney just conceded to NYP endorsed Mike Lawler —
a shocking defeat — Maloney IS THE chair of the House Democrats’
campaign FINANCE arm. https://politi.co/3TnBkQD


9 posted on 11/09/2022 10:57:17 AM PST by Liz (Man proposes.God disposes.)
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To: DFG

Republican strategists were researching ways to keep their power in D.C. without achieving so much power that they’d actually have to become compelling leaders.

Ain’t that the truth


10 posted on 11/09/2022 10:57:49 AM PST by tsowellfan (oops I forgot the < / sarc)
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To: All

Nevada news:

Jon Ralston
@RalstonReports

This is big news from @ColtonLochhead.

Elko, Douglas and Nye are larger rurals and almost surely will add thousands of ballots to Laxalt’s total, make CCM’s climb more difficult.

quote:
@ColtonLochhead

As for what we have left in the rurals:

Elko - About 1k mail ballots left to count
Douglas - Elx dept says they receive “thousands” of mail ballots yesterday.
Nye, Humboldt, Eureka and Churchill say they are still catching up, and expect to be done between Thurs and Sat.


11 posted on 11/09/2022 10:57:53 AM PST by TigerClaws
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To: TigerClaws

Lots of surprises this go-around.

Never expected a Laxalt win.


12 posted on 11/09/2022 10:59:12 AM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: DFG
Mitch is happy. Dick Morris said yesterday that Mitch only cares about being a "leader" in the minority. Mitch is content where he's at.

And clearly there was a lot of organized fraud this election. When so many impartial polls didn't match the results, something bad happened. My guess is that harvested mail-in ballots by the Democrats played a huge role.

13 posted on 11/09/2022 10:59:15 AM PST by Governor Dinwiddie (LORD, grant thy people grace to withstand the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil.)
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To: DFG

The pubbies have an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.


14 posted on 11/09/2022 11:00:27 AM PST by wny
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To: TigerClaws

Graham is a liberal mole.


15 posted on 11/09/2022 11:00:42 AM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: DFG
The “Bee” is no longer satire.

I have long been saying that the Republican leadership does not want to be in control. Witness their behavior every time we’ve given them both houses, the Presidency and a nominally conservative Supreme Court. They threw it away without accomplishing anything of significance.

16 posted on 11/09/2022 11:01:41 AM PST by sjmjax
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To: V_TWIN

Usually the Bee is funny not so dead serious like this.


17 posted on 11/09/2022 11:02:25 AM PST by bigbob (z)
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To: DFG

Bee nails it


18 posted on 11/09/2022 11:05:02 AM PST by newzjunkey (Giant meteor 2022!!!)
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To: DFG

This may be the Babylon Bee, but it is the honest truth!

Conservatives in this country have two major enemies: Leftist democrats and the Republican Party.

Too few people seem to realize this…


19 posted on 11/09/2022 11:09:30 AM PST by joethedrummer (We can't vote our way out of this, folks..)
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To: DFG

“We make just as much money as the ‘loyal’ opposition and don’t have to do any work.”


20 posted on 11/09/2022 11:10:03 AM PST by dynachrome (“We cannot save Ukraine by dooming the US economy.” Rand Paul)
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