Posted on 01/31/2022 10:15:51 AM PST by John Semmens
U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg assured that "the passage of the $1.2 trillion infrastructure legislation will not go down the tired old path of providing more lane-miles of roads and bridges that has been the traditional transportation strategy in the past. Traveling on roadways is one of the most dangerous things most Americans do on a regular basis. Reducing this travel will be the core objective of my plan."
"The first prong of my plan will be to get people out of their cars," the Secretary said. "This means making alternatives to driving crucial. We need to improve crosswalks, add additional bus and bike lanes and more to make leaving your car at home the primary travel decision everywhere. Anyone who has traveled by car can't help but notice that the majority of the traffic exceeds the posted speed limit. Therefore, the second prong of my plan will be to force cars to lower their speeds. We will get this done by lowering posted speed limits and installing more radar speed detectors. The assessment of fines for speeding will be a great boost to government revenues."
"Eventually, huge numbers of drivers will slow down, take the bus, or walk to their destinations," Buttigieg predicted. "All told, trillions of miles of travel will be averted and millions of lives will be saved each and every year. I will win a Nobel Prize and be elected president in 2024."
Meanwhile in another transportation project, the Biden Administration is secretly sending illegal immigrants in "red-eye" charter flights to various parts of the country under cover of darkness. Peeved that this controversial policy was outed, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas explained that "critics who say this is illegal because it violates federal statutes are overlooking the President's approval of this covert strategy for unifying the nation by integrating recent immigrants to all parts of the country. The President of the United States has an unlimited authority to do what he thinks best under the 'general welfare' clause of the Constitution."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,460407.0.html
Very good -
I don’t see any satire.
It is definitely getting more difficult to separate fact from satire. In this case, the “satire” is actually true regarding the motives of the America-hating Left...they just won’t actually says these things (or haven’t - they’re arrogant enough to say it at some point).
Please, no jokes about the “Hershey Highway.”
I’ve decided not to call these people little hitlers any more. Little caligulas is more like it.
Mayor Pete lives in a fantasy world. Many people do not live in areas where there are public transportation options nor would developing such options be practical. Recently in our area there have been days of warnings about dangerous cold conditions where frostbite could occur in minutes …not exactly the conditions where you would want to walk or bicycle to work even if your workplace were in a short distance. Some of us uremember the double nickel (55mph) speed limits of the 1970s. They did nothing to alleviate the long lines and odd even rationing to put gas in your car. Mayor Pete should visit Mackinaw Island where cars are prohibited. The quaintness wears off quickly when as bicyclists or pedestrians you are dodging the piles of horse dung
Lol!
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