'Pfizer+' Monthly Booster Subscription Program Announced

Babylon Bee ^ | 08/19/2021 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

NEW YORK, NY—Following the popular trend of providing consumers constant access to products or services they think they need, Pfizer has announced a subscription service that will provide monthly COVID-19 vaccines to all members, called Pfizer+.

Pfizer+ offers the following additional benefits:

Monthly vaccine booster Access to some of Pfizer’s other popular drugs Gold badge for social media virtue signals Video library of the mainstream media shaming unvaccinated individuals Pfizer+ will also launch with a Super Premium Plus tier for the consumer who just can’t get enough of giant pharmaceutical companies with shady pasts. Benefits include:

An autographed photo of Dr. Fauci A mobile app that alerts you when an unvaccinated person is nearby Monthly shipment of masks Monthly fees for the service were not announced, as Pfizer has partnered with the IRS to extract an annual fee from all taxpayers for the foreseeable future.

On launch day, the pharmaceutical giant announced Pfizer+ subscriptions had generated enough profits to pay for the billions of dollars in criminal and civil lawsuits stemming from decades of false advertising, data manipulation, bribing foreign government officials, and lying to doctors.

[RomanSoldier19]

[ExTexasRedhead]

Ask the dead who already got the two shots. Or, ask the people who are now permanently maimed by the two shots. Sure, go for a third; enjoy.

[Antoninus]

Has anyone at Pfizer tested the impact of a third shot on already vaccinated people, or are they just assuming it’s going to be okay?

Funny you should ask that...It's in phase ONE clinical trials. But don't worry, it's perfectly safe. And effective. For now. We think.

[grey_whiskers]

Vaccine-Jan
Vaccine-Aug
Vaccine-21
Vaccine-22A
Vaccine-98
Vaccine-ME
Vaccine-Vista
Vaccine-BSOD

etc.

[xp38]

I think the really enthusiastic should get a shot of all four that are available Pfizer Moderna J&J and Astra Zenica for that all around protection and they get a rare I’ve had all 4 button.

[IYAS9YAS]

Just wait until the Delta Tau Chi variant hits!

Double-secret infection?

[TigersEye]

If they come out with a Cheddar & Sour Cream vax I’m all in!

[ImJustAnotherOkie]

Are they offering a suppository? That’s where they can stick it.

[zeugma]

I had to look to make sure that this was the Bee. It’s actually believable.

[ALASKA]

I’m getting the patch!