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New, More Inclusive Birth Certificates Include No Unique Information
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/02/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/02/2021 1:17:00 PM PDT by DFG

SAN DIEGO, CA—After the urging of both the American Medical Association and the Maori demon-god Whiro, California has elected to remove all unique information such as biological sex, age, and birthplace from its birth certificates, making them more much inclusive. Instead, every birth certificate will only include the simple phrase "you were born."

"Assigning sex using binary variables in the public portion of the birth certificate fails to recognize the medical spectrum of gender identity," said Whiro, while chomping on the tasty souls of the damned. "We must remove all distinctions that could lead to discrimination or the denial of people's right to define their own reality and become their own gods. Um... and also their right to be damned so I can eat their souls."

California will be the first state to implement the AMA's new recommendations. They will remove date of birth so that children can identify as whatever age they want, and sex—so that kids can identify as whatever gender they want. Place of birth, as well as words like "father" and "mother" will also be removed. This is expected to have no adverse side effects whatsoever.

After some public outcry from Black Lives Matter, California agreed to keep "race" on the certificates, since that is the most important thing about you.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; birth; california; gender; inclusive

1 posted on 08/02/2021 1:17:00 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

I’ve been so accustomed to crap news today. Glad I noticed this was from the Bee.


2 posted on 08/02/2021 1:18:40 PM PDT by rarestia (Repeal the 17th Amendment and ratify Article the First to give the power back to the people!)
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To: DFG

The Borg are all the same.


3 posted on 08/02/2021 1:19:55 PM PDT by dblshot
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To: DFG

I was just about ready to swallow the bait, when I noticed the Lure: Babylon, at it again!


4 posted on 08/02/2021 1:23:33 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: DFG

These new featureless birth certificates should really boost voter turnout rates!


5 posted on 08/02/2021 1:25:24 PM PDT by Yo-Yo (is the /sarc tag really necessary?)
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To: DFG

What if you were born in California but identify as having been born in Lithuania?


6 posted on 08/02/2021 1:25:57 PM PDT by Andyman (The truth shall make you FReep.)
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To: DFG

Babies aren’t worried about their gender. All they know is feed me, change me and love me. Of course if it was being carried by a “My body my choice” woman they may not be worrying about anything now.


7 posted on 08/02/2021 1:32:27 PM PDT by antidemoncrat (somRead more at: https://economicti)
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To: DFG

Foretold in Monty Python’s THE MEANING OF LIFE(1983). Opening scenes of birth.

MRS. MOORE: Is it a boy or a girl?

OBSTETRICIAN: Now, I think it’s a little early to start imposing roles on it, don’t you?


8 posted on 08/02/2021 1:35:58 PM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar ((Democrats have declared us to be THE OBSOLETE MAN in the Twilight Zone.))
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To: DFG
every birth certificate will only include the simple phrase "you were born."

But, but, . . hey wait. I identify as a chicken. I wasn't born. I was hatched.

9 posted on 08/02/2021 1:47:34 PM PDT by aimhigh (THIS is His commandment . . . . 1 John 3:23)
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To: DFG

10 posted on 08/02/2021 2:18:34 PM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true, I have no proof, but they're true)
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To: DFG

Just custom photoshop all birth certificates on an “ad hoc” basis. Worked for Obama...


11 posted on 08/02/2021 4:55:07 PM PDT by outofsalt (If history teaches us anything, it's that history rarely teaches anything.)
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To: antidemoncrat

Yes. This crap Obama pushed to teach little boys to be gay is worse then 9/11. I was in a grocery store today when an obviously fag man and an unknown woman/man with a chest as flat as any thin man showed up. They were like no one I ever
saw.


12 posted on 08/02/2021 6:00:48 PM PDT by Lumper20 (lo)
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To: antidemoncrat

Yes. This crap Obama pushed to teach little boys to be gay is worse then 9/11. I was in a grocery store today when an obviously fag man and an unknown woman/man with a chest as flat as any thin man showed up. They were like no one I ever
saw.


13 posted on 08/02/2021 6:00:54 PM PDT by Lumper20 (lo)
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To: antidemoncrat

Yes. This crap Obama pushed to teach little boys to be gay is worse then 9/11. I was in a grocery store today when an obviously fag man and an unknown woman/man with a chest as flat as any thin man showed up. They were like no one I ever
saw.


14 posted on 08/02/2021 6:00:54 PM PDT by Lumper20 (lo)
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To: antidemoncrat

Yes. This crap Obama pushed to teach little boys to be gay is worse then 9/11. I was in a grocery store today when an obviously fag man and an unknown woman/man with a chest as flat as any thin man showed up. They were like no one I ever
saw.


15 posted on 08/02/2021 6:00:54 PM PDT by Lumper20 (lo)
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To: antidemoncrat

Yes. This crap Obama pushed to teach little boys to be gay is worse then 9/11. I was in a grocery store today when an obviously fag man and an unknown woman/man with a chest as flat as any thin man showed up. They were like no one I ever
saw.


16 posted on 08/02/2021 6:00:54 PM PDT by Lumper20 (lo)
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To: DFG

Talk about assigning—*names* are the only entries actually “assigned” at birth, so maybe the entry for name should be left empty until the child decides what his/her/zir/their name is.

If I knew how to post pictures, I would include one of a teenager rolling his/her/zir/their eyes here.


17 posted on 08/03/2021 7:21:37 AM PDT by Chicory
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To: DFG; 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; DoodleBob; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; ...

We must feed Whiro. Wokeness makes many meals for Whiro!

DANG!


18 posted on 08/03/2021 6:46:49 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
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