Posted on 07/08/2021 2:44:36 PM PDT by DFG
The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we've got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior.
Try one of these and let us know how it goes!*
1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. - "Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?"
2. Wear a MAGA hat. - Works every time.
3. Sneeze violently and say you're starting to lose your sense of taste. - "Does this apple taste like anything to you? Everything is starting to taste bland to me..."
4. Smear sacrificial ice cream on your doorposts to appease Biden. - It worked for the Israelites.
5. Show them your fully assembled LEGO Capitol Building set. - A true sign that you're a deranged terrorist -- they'll run away screaming.
6. Smile and offer to shake their hand. - Nothing scares the pro-SCIENCE crowd like interacting like a normal human being.
7. If all else fails, release the hounds. - Hopefully you've had your "Release the Hounds" button installed already.
*The Babylon Bee is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or imprisonment in a reeducation camp resulting from these techniques.
Open the door and greet them like Jack Nicholson in the Shinning.
Same here; my folks live up a dirt road a mile plus from the main highway. Anyone comes at that time of night has to have passed a couple of other houses. Our road is well marked as private and there are no lights.
Answer the door. Tell them to hold on for a minute because you have something on the stove. Close the door and go about your business. Check back an hour or so later to see if they are still standing there.
I think that will be easy. I’ll probably be the only house on the street that they stop at. :)
LOL, you win Post of the Day!
“Hi Friend, do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior..? ....where you going ma’am?”
Nah, these people like that kind of stuff.
Dont ever open the door.
Basically the good rule is, if you are not expecting someone, never open the door.
Yell “Don’t worry. They’ve had their shots!” and close the door.
If ‘they’ cross through my locked gate and ignore the ‘Posted’ signs I’ll be greeting them with a loaded weapon. They’ve already broken state law.
If the door isn’t answered they will probably keep coming back like census takers.
My doc literally prescribes those on my “extended prescription list,” which makes them deductible. He uses WebMD as a source to verify the usefulness of everything I ask for. Only said no once. Can’t your doc do that too? It’s perfectly legal.
Winner!! Making mine tomorrow.
Also has better range.
if they show up here i will ask if they are doctors. Giving medical advice without a license. and read them their miranda rights.
Yeah, well, just showing it would make those snowflakes melt right there on the porch.
ROFLOL
Fortunately, I’m fluent in non-existing languages which usually works for phone calls also. So “riqar mikou” (I welcome a visit).
This is funny - as it is good satire...
However, this door to door business... they’re not fooling around.
Your dog gets aggressive and hours later, animal control will come to collect it. And fine YOU.
They see any firearms, expect a visit from the ATF or something like that the next few days...
Speak aggressively to them and your name goes on the “list”. Expect your life to become somewhat ... difficult thereafter.
Again, this isn’t what they say it is, folks.
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