Posted on 04/16/2021 4:05:59 PM PDT by Lenora Thompson
How did a filthy rich guy bridge the gap between himself and us regular workaday Americans? First, he's basically a workaday guy at heart too. Like most of us, by his own admission he's "basically cheap."
But most of all, he's funny and a smile, or even better, a laugh will always be the shortest distance between people.
It wasn't until a kind patriot ("LC"...you're famous!) sent me four books by Donald Trump that I finally realized just how hilarious he can be. Reading them, I expected to learn a lot. I did not expect to laugh a lot.
But that's what I've been doing. LOLing and ROTFLMAO all over the place. Usually, his funniest statements are also his most profound statemtents as well.
Here, for your reading enjoyment, are some of the funniest Trumpisms from his 2000 pre-brief-presidential-run book The America We Deserve.
Why Before Wherefore (Except After "C")
Why did I want to read Donald Trump's books????
Well, after enjoying Trump's Camelot for four years, I reckoned I should learn something about the man. Better late than never, eh! I expected a certain amount of self-back-patting in his books but I didn't expect to come away so educated and entertained.
At Trump's MAGA rallies, he gave us the Wherefore. What he believed. How he intended to act on those beliefs as President. (Promises made, promises kept!)
In Trump's books, he gives us the Why behind the Wherefore. The observations, study of history and thought processes behind his beliefs.
What emerges is a man who is deep...very, very deep. A great observer and a deep thinker. He's a student of the past...basically a big ol' history geek. He studied history and by George! he did not repeat it.
He remembered every event...every crooked judgment, every mass murder, every terrorist event most people have forgotten...and compiled it all into a cohesive, logical set of beliefs of how America should be run if she's going to work properly.
Damned if it didn't work!
But while Trump explains the Why behind the Wherefore in his books, somehow he also manages to be hilarious.
Take "buron" for example...
Burons!
"I learned from [building the Central Park skating rink] just how hard it is for normal, sane, earnest Americans to make their dreams come true," Trump writes, "when they have to confront mule-headed, but powerful burons—a buron being defined as a cross between a bureaucrat and a moron. Nice expression, I think."
Nice!?! I was ROTFLMAO when I read "buron" and even Michael chuckled when he heard it..and he doesn't chuckle easily. Later I heard him mutter, "Buron" under his breath and chuckle again.
To truly appreciate the term "buron" you have to understand the backstory of that famous skating rink Trump is always talking about. Here's the story in his own words:
"...It took me two and a half years to build the sixty-eight-story Trump Tower—...
...yet for six years the city bungled, bobbled and botched the job of fixing a no-story municipal skating rink...The Parks Department redesigned the rink on a pitch, so that at the deep end the water might not freeze completely...This would then have become the only municipal skating rink in the modern world that would need a lifeguard station."
Oh but it gets even better! Trump goes on to write:
"The city chose an exotic and experimental method to cool the ice. When they finally got the delicate copper pipes in place, what did they do? Left them exposed to the elements for nine months. Then they made a disaster of laying the concrete and ruined the pipes again, this time with jackhammers...This led to a fifteen-month study of what had gone wrong....
The burons are like weeds—you spray them, you burn them out, you pour concrete over top of them, but give them a few weeks and they'll be back....
We should never underestimate the degree to which burons can screw up other people's lives."
Trumpisms, Both Funny and Profound
"Experts are always defensive–and for good reason. They're wrong so often." "You know what they say about economists: They will know tomorrow why the things they predicted yesterday didn't happen today...nobody ever bothers going back to check anyone else's track record."
"What characterized New York is...potholes big enough for sumo wrestlers to disappear into..."
"How the hell is a guy who is trying to start up a pizzeria to cope with all that paperwork...this sort of damaging and explosive regulatory growth must be killed. Otherwise we're going to need to get a hall pass before we can go to the bathroom in our own homes!" "Three years earlier, this pilot had been fired for flying a planeload of people after an all-night drinking binge that left his blood alcohol level somewhere between stewed and pickled...Northwest was forced to rehire him...he was a man with a disability." (sarcasm)
"Thanks to excessive regulation, your next pilot could be drunk at the stick, your next surgeon might be asleep [narcolepsy] on the scalpel and the driver of the eighteen-wheeler in the next lane may have a bit of a seeing problem."
"2 x 2 = SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 3 AND 6. ‘Estimating,' they call it. When I was in school, they called an answer like that something else: Wrong. They had a solution: Back to the flash cards....
Try giving a number ‘in the nighborhood of' on your tax returns and you may end up in a place where there's a very definite number stamped on the back of your shirt."
"As much as it pains me to admit the limitations of wealth, add educational achievement to the things money can't buy."
"I kid [my rich friends] by saying that they will call the police if someone scowls at their poodle." "I totally reject the idea that hanging...[heinous] criminals is uncivilized. In fact, I believe that letting them live would be totally uncivilized." "...100 percent of the poeple who are executed never commit another crime." "He had his own version of the [American] dream, no matter how humble it might have been. He was anything but a nobody."
...and in conclusion...
I've only gotten to page 115 in The America We Deserve and I'm sure there are plenty more wonderful Trumpisms in the latter half of his the book, not to mention the other three books "LC" sent me.
My biggest takeaway from the book is that President Trump is profoundly authentic both in person, at rallies and in his writing. He may be rich and powerful but he's also intensely logical and honest with a big heart, full of kindness, generosity and empathy and yes, humility. (Not like that loathsome George W who wrote his high ideals in A Charge to Keep and then took down the World Trade Center but I digress.)
If you thought Trump was an educational and entertaining speaker, wait 'til you read his books. He only gave us the Wherefore at MAGA rallies. The Why is even more interesting.
My mantra is "leave 'em laughing" so here's one final Trumpism to tickle your funny bone:
Under the Clinton Administration our foreign-policy leaders talk too much. Endlessly. Nonstop. Around the clock. As if following some secret strategy to bore our enemies into submission...
That's my cue to shut up and click "Publish." Hope you've enjoyed these Trumpisms. There's lots more where they came from!
That’s a good point. I think back to the 1940s when the Hollywood celebrities ran themselves ragged putting out patriotic movies, traveling the country selling war bonds and working at the Hollywood canteen, caring for our boys in uniform.
When did Hollywood change so dramatically!?!
There is something about that story that tells me much about Donald Trump...:)
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