Posted on 04/16/2021 4:05:59 PM PDT by Lenora Thompson
How did a filthy rich guy bridge the gap between himself and us regular workaday Americans? First, he's basically a workaday guy at heart too. Like most of us, by his own admission he's "basically cheap."
But most of all, he's funny and a smile, or even better, a laugh will always be the shortest distance between people.
It wasn't until a kind patriot ("LC"...you're famous!) sent me four books by Donald Trump that I finally realized just how hilarious he can be. Reading them, I expected to learn a lot. I did not expect to laugh a lot.
But that's what I've been doing. LOLing and ROTFLMAO all over the place. Usually, his funniest statements are also his most profound statemtents as well.
Here, for your reading enjoyment, are some of the funniest Trumpisms from his 2000 pre-brief-presidential-run book The America We Deserve.
Why Before Wherefore (Except After "C")
Why did I want to read Donald Trump's books????
Well, after enjoying Trump's Camelot for four years, I reckoned I should learn something about the man. Better late than never, eh! I expected a certain amount of self-back-patting in his books but I didn't expect to come away so educated and entertained.
At Trump's MAGA rallies, he gave us the Wherefore. What he believed. How he intended to act on those beliefs as President. (Promises made, promises kept!)
In Trump's books, he gives us the Why behind the Wherefore. The observations, study of history and thought processes behind his beliefs.
What emerges is a man who is deep...very, very deep. A great observer and a deep thinker. He's a student of the past...basically a big ol' history geek. He studied history and by George! he did not repeat it.
He remembered every event...every crooked judgment, every mass murder, every terrorist event most people have forgotten...and compiled it all into a cohesive, logical set of beliefs of how America should be run if she's going to work properly.
Damned if it didn't work!
But while Trump explains the Why behind the Wherefore in his books, somehow he also manages to be hilarious.
Take "buron" for example...
Burons!
"I learned from [building the Central Park skating rink] just how hard it is for normal, sane, earnest Americans to make their dreams come true," Trump writes, "when they have to confront mule-headed, but powerful burons—a buron being defined as a cross between a bureaucrat and a moron. Nice expression, I think."
Nice!?! I was ROTFLMAO when I read "buron" and even Michael chuckled when he heard it..and he doesn't chuckle easily. Later I heard him mutter, "Buron" under his breath and chuckle again.
To truly appreciate the term "buron" you have to understand the backstory of that famous skating rink Trump is always talking about. Here's the story in his own words:
"...It took me two and a half years to build the sixty-eight-story Trump Tower—...
...yet for six years the city bungled, bobbled and botched the job of fixing a no-story municipal skating rink...The Parks Department redesigned the rink on a pitch, so that at the deep end the water might not freeze completely...This would then have become the only municipal skating rink in the modern world that would need a lifeguard station."
Oh but it gets even better! Trump goes on to write:
"The city chose an exotic and experimental method to cool the ice. When they finally got the delicate copper pipes in place, what did they do? Left them exposed to the elements for nine months. Then they made a disaster of laying the concrete and ruined the pipes again, this time with jackhammers...This led to a fifteen-month study of what had gone wrong....
The burons are like weeds—you spray them, you burn them out, you pour concrete over top of them, but give them a few weeks and they'll be back....
We should never underestimate the degree to which burons can screw up other people's lives."
Trumpisms, Both Funny and Profound
"Experts are always defensive–and for good reason. They're wrong so often." "You know what they say about economists: They will know tomorrow why the things they predicted yesterday didn't happen today...nobody ever bothers going back to check anyone else's track record."
"What characterized New York is...potholes big enough for sumo wrestlers to disappear into..."
"How the hell is a guy who is trying to start up a pizzeria to cope with all that paperwork...this sort of damaging and explosive regulatory growth must be killed. Otherwise we're going to need to get a hall pass before we can go to the bathroom in our own homes!" "Three years earlier, this pilot had been fired for flying a planeload of people after an all-night drinking binge that left his blood alcohol level somewhere between stewed and pickled...Northwest was forced to rehire him...he was a man with a disability." (sarcasm)
"Thanks to excessive regulation, your next pilot could be drunk at the stick, your next surgeon might be asleep [narcolepsy] on the scalpel and the driver of the eighteen-wheeler in the next lane may have a bit of a seeing problem."
"2 x 2 = SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 3 AND 6. ‘Estimating,' they call it. When I was in school, they called an answer like that something else: Wrong. They had a solution: Back to the flash cards....
Try giving a number ‘in the nighborhood of' on your tax returns and you may end up in a place where there's a very definite number stamped on the back of your shirt."
"As much as it pains me to admit the limitations of wealth, add educational achievement to the things money can't buy."
"I kid [my rich friends] by saying that they will call the police if someone scowls at their poodle." "I totally reject the idea that hanging...[heinous] criminals is uncivilized. In fact, I believe that letting them live would be totally uncivilized." "...100 percent of the poeple who are executed never commit another crime." "He had his own version of the [American] dream, no matter how humble it might have been. He was anything but a nobody."
...and in conclusion...
I've only gotten to page 115 in The America We Deserve and I'm sure there are plenty more wonderful Trumpisms in the latter half of his the book, not to mention the other three books "LC" sent me.
My biggest takeaway from the book is that President Trump is profoundly authentic both in person, at rallies and in his writing. He may be rich and powerful but he's also intensely logical and honest with a big heart, full of kindness, generosity and empathy and yes, humility. (Not like that loathsome George W who wrote his high ideals in A Charge to Keep and then took down the World Trade Center but I digress.)
If you thought Trump was an educational and entertaining speaker, wait 'til you read his books. He only gave us the Wherefore at MAGA rallies. The Why is even more interesting.
My mantra is "leave 'em laughing" so here's one final Trumpism to tickle your funny bone:
Under the Clinton Administration our foreign-policy leaders talk too much. Endlessly. Nonstop. Around the clock. As if following some secret strategy to bore our enemies into submission...
That's my cue to shut up and click "Publish." Hope you've enjoyed these Trumpisms. There's lots more where they came from!
I think Trump, like Rush, had half his brain tied behind his back just to make it fair.
“How did a filthy rich guy bridge the gap between himself and us regular workaday Americans?”
These days, it actually is a strange phenomenon. I don’t expect the media to get it. In prior times, the ultra rich and the middle class shared a culture, a faith, a love of this country (above ALL others), and of the important things those entail. Increasingly, that is no longer the case. Trump is a bit of a throwback, and it’s a big part of what so many of us like about him.
Burons is what the deep state is full of. Thanks Trump. Expect the use of that to become massive, as massive as all the Burons in D.C.
I thought you got laughed off the site.
Guess you need a fresh dose.
Tell us about Gitmo and adrenochromes..
Funny stuff!
Have over the years read about Trump’s kindness.
Paying off the mortgage of the guy who refused to get paid for changing his flat tire, helping out farmers in financial trouble, taking coffee and sitting down at the job site with the Trump Tower workers.
I was not too sure of him when I voted for him but now I’m broken glass. Love this guy.
“Buron” LOL! I’m gonna keep using that.
I figured D.C. was sorta corrupt. He showed me most “inside the beltway crowd” is scum.
Love it!
This is my favorite Trump story from Cory Lewandowski’s book “Let Trump Be Trump”.
There were two women in the media team of Trump’s campaign who were involved in a contentious love triangle, and things came to a head right before a campaign stop. One of the women was one of his speechwriters, I think, the other was a media person.
The speechwriter got so upset at the other woman involved with the same guy she was, that she had to leave the campaign event and didn’t see Trump give his speech. When she returned to the plane, Trump was sitting in his favorite spot they always had set up for him on the plane. It was a place where they placed a bunch of newspapers and magazines for him to read, and when he sat down, nobody would disturb him.
I guess it was his “quiet time”.
So he sits down, and the sulking speechwriter comes aboard and walks by Trump, who pauses reading asks her how she liked his speech, and without much elaboration she says she didn’t see it. Trump didn’t display much reaction, and went back to reading his newspaper, held up to hide his face.
The other woman in the love triangle boarded Trump Force One soon thereafter, and two women began to argue with each other.
The argument got louder and louder, and everyone began glancing nervously at both Trump reading his paper and the two women who were approaching the shouting stage, knowing Trump didn’t want any distractions while he read his papers.
As the spat reached a crescendo, Trump lowers the paper and yells: “Cat Fight!” And just as quickly, goes back to reading the newspaper!
I had an undercurrent about Trump that kept me wondering...he was saying all the right things, but...what he just saying those things to get elected?
Moving the Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem...building a wall, reducing governmental red tape, improving the economy, standing up to Communist China for its economic warfare, etc.
I just didn’t know for sure, but I knew no matter what, he was going to be better than Hillary.
Then, when he got into office, he exceeded all my expectations. I think he was right on par with Ronald Reagan, which is damned high. I rank him as the second best President of the 20th Century.
Trump was by no means perfect, but he didn’t deserve what they did to him.
Which is why this fraud of an election and the character assassination by the Left has made me so angry.
I think I’d rate him tied with Reagan.
Reagan was smooth and Trump was rough but kind.
Both pulled for the middle class.
I always considered trump to be a very humble human being. He truly has the heart of an American
Reagan reminded me of Washington, from what I knew of George Washington. He had that gravitas.
He seemed more serious and reserved than Trump did to me, but...I was ready for a brawler since I was so damned sick of someone like George Bush who never fought back and defended his policies.
I HATE a willing punching bag. And that was NEVER President Donald J. Trump!
“I HATE a willing punching bag. And that was NEVER President Donald J. Trump!”
AMEN. (And then some.)
Yes, yes, yes. I miss the Daily MeanTweet.
Except Donald was never President in the 20th century.
Lol, of course you’re right...I guess he seemed so Churchillian to me that it just rolled off my fingertips...:)
That’s hilarious!!! Thanks so much for sharing. LOL
Great story. I also heard that if you were a small business owner of color and couldn’t get a loan...go to Trump. He’d give you a loan and when you went back to pay it off, he’d tell you to put the money back into your business. He wouldn’t take a dime.
But no one tells that story!!! Oh, btw, here’s what he did with his Presidential checks each quarter: https://www.lenorathompsonwriter.com/beyondnarcissism/the-generosity-of-donald-trump-where-hes-donated-all-1378333-of-his-presidential-salary
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