Posted on 10/31/2020 1:12:43 PM PDT by John Semmens
Irked by the slightest suggestion that his son Hunter and he have engaged in inappropriate abuses of government authority, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden proclaimed his son "the smartest guy I know."
"Look, here's the deal," Biden said. "While all the so-called experts were sitting on their hands, Hunter correctly foresaw that a Biden Administration would take action to phase out the US oil, gas, and coal industries and jail their executives. He took appropriate action. He nailed down foreign sources of these essential resources in Ukraine and China. So, when US supplies dry up because of the heavy taxes and regulations I will enact as president he will be able to swoop in and offer these commodities at much higher prices. Even Russian President Vladimir Putin has called Hunter's business plan 'inspired' and 'fully legal under Russian law.' It's no wonder that the Moscow Mayor's wife entrusted $3.5 million to Hunter's care."
Joe also clarified that "the porn found on Hunter's computer was a key asset in persuading his Chinese business contacts to become his partners. The Chinese are a highly sexed people. You don't think their population grew to over a billion without a lusty sex drive, do you? The evidence has been out there in plain sight for centuries, but no one else saw it. Hunter did and he used this insight to gain access to some of the most powerful and wealthy individuals in the Chinese government."
Biden attributed Republican criticism of his relationship with his son to "jealousy, pure and simple. They wish they had thought of these things before he did. They wish their own sons were as smart and as generous as Hunter is. How many other sons have given their dads millions of dollars they didn't have to work for? Now they're trying to twist this wonderful story of genius and affection into a sordid scandal in order to try to turn voters against me."
CNN's Don Lemon professed himself "satisfied with this explanation," but wondered "why did it take so long for Joe to go public with this heartwarming tale of familial love and financial genius?" His CNN colleague Chris Cuomo suggested that "Biden is such a shy and modest man. He probably didn't want to boast about how lucky he is to have such a great relationship with his son. But the Republicans pushed him into a corner where he had to come out swinging no matter whose feelings were hurt." "Yeah, that sounds about right," Lemon replied. "He was trying to spare Trump from realizing that his sons are duds in comparison."
In related news, Former Arizona Senator Jeff Flake crossed Party lines to endorse Biden for president. "I've been a Republican my entire life," Flake said. "I've never voted for a Democrat for president. But this year conscience requires me to do just that. I'm voting for Joe Biden because character matters."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/293484-2020-10-31-semi-news-semi-satire-november-1-2020-edition.htm
ping
Yeah most smart people leave their laptops behind at 5 different locations.
I’m counting on more coming in..from his barber, his tailor and maybe his crack dealer.
When Hunter cuts a deal with the prosecutor, other expressions will spill from Joe’s scrambled brain.
Semi-Satire = = =
Is that jokes that Truckers get?
Took me a few seconds to get the semi- connection. Good one.
I want to know how Hunter got through Yale Law School?
Judging from some of the photos on his laptop, I’d say stripping paid his tuition and “special services” for his professors probably got him passing grades.
Wow.
So close to the truth, it sounds like the news...
LOL
It is the news that the media refuses to cover.
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