Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

State That Just Voted To Reduce Penalties For Pedophiles Not Sure Why God Keeps Lighting Them On Fire - Satire
Babylon Bee ^ | 9/15/20 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/16/2020 7:22:17 AM PDT by Roman_War_Criminal

SACRAMENTO, CA—California is currently on fire, having also been plagued by darkness, earthquakes, and hippies. State leaders are claiming they have "no idea" why God keeps lighting them on fire, though they just voted to reduce penalties for pedophiles in the name of equality for the LGBTQ+ community.

"It's unclear here what exactly we're being punished for," said Governor Gavin Newsom at a press conference as the state burned down around him. "We are a progressive utopia. We're the other states in fast-forward. We pass amazing legislation that shows our love and inclusiveness of pedophiles of all sexual orientations. We are doing exactly what Socialist Jesus would want us to."

"God should be thanking us. He or she didn't build this land of progress."

State legislators, trying to figure out why God keeps unleashing bowl after bowl of wrath upon California, cast lots and threw all the remaining Republicans in the state into the Pacific Ocean in hopes that the plagues would subside. Both men were swallowed by a great fish and are expected to survive.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor; Politics; Society
KEYWORDS: california; homosexuality; pedophiles; wildfires

1 posted on 09/16/2020 7:22:17 AM PDT by Roman_War_Criminal
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Roman_War_Criminal

The Bee is a gift that just keeps on giving.


2 posted on 09/16/2020 7:25:18 AM PDT by BBQToadRibs
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Roman_War_Criminal

A delightful one.

The Babylon Bee is awesome.

Best satire around these days.

As good as National Lampoon in their prime.


3 posted on 09/16/2020 7:26:14 AM PDT by karnage
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: All

A GIGANTIC BOO-BOO-—Oh yeah, Gavin, thats going to endear you to the electorate.

Suck-up Democrat, California Gov Gavin Newsom, signed a bill that would allow judges to decide whether to list a man as a sex offender for having oral or anal sex with a same-sex minor. The bill lowers the penalties for adults who have sex with ‘willing’ same-sex minors. A Judge could decide if the adult has to register as sex offender if the offender is within 10 years of age of the victim. (Excerpt) Read more at thegatewaypundit.com ...


4 posted on 09/16/2020 7:29:39 AM PDT by Liz
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Roman_War_Criminal

...and hippies!

Priceless!


5 posted on 09/16/2020 7:29:47 AM PDT by BlackAdderess (If by unfit you mean not a lizard person collaborating with Nazis with Chinese characteristics)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Roman_War_Criminal

Satire, but with a strong dose of biting reality.


6 posted on 09/16/2020 7:31:27 AM PDT by ScottinVA (First, letÂ’s deal with the election; then weÂ’ll deal with BLM.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ScottinVA

Amazing how satire is becoming truth & reality during these crazy times.


7 posted on 09/16/2020 7:49:12 AM PDT by Roman_War_Criminal (Like Enoch, Noah, & Lot, the True Church will soon be removed & then destruction comes forth.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Roman_War_Criminal

LOL!


8 posted on 09/16/2020 7:53:09 AM PDT by Professional
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson