Posted on 08/22/2020 4:34:12 PM PDT by John Semmens
In a bid to persuade voters that he is the man that will save America from the evil Donald Trump, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden recalled his days as a lifeguard, saying that “I saved 77 people and one set of dentures from drowning. Who did Trump ever save? Are we even sure he can swim?”
“Today our country faces perilous times,” Biden continued. “In city after city armed police are oppressing mostly peaceful rioters and murdering unarmed black men like George Floyd. Yet, all Donald Trump has to offer is a plea for law and order. Law and order is a dog whistle for racism. We need to breakaway from this out-dated policy. When I am president funds that have been wasted in futile attempts to pacify an angry public will be redeployed to community outreach programs that will bring people together.”
“One of the main objectives of our outreach will be to reeducate the police and their supporters in the general population in an effort to help them adjust to the new reality that America so desperately needs,” the Candidate added. “Until we develop a comprehensive reparations and wealth redistribution, law enforcement and the general public must learn to accept the spontaneous efforts toward this objective that we have seen taking place in Chicago, Seattle, Portland and other places. This is the only way we can move as one people united in a shared goal of social justice.”
Fox News commentator Chris Wallace called Biden’s remarks “thoughtful and bold,” but questioned whether Biden “had ever saved anyone from drowning. I seem to recall that it was Ronald Reagan who rescued those 77 people during his seven years as a lifeguard in Dixon, Illinois in the late 1920s. I think Biden spent one year as a lifeguard in Delaware around 1960 where his greatest claim to fame was his luxuriant leg hair.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://azconservative.org/2020/08/22/biden-says-days-as-a-lifeguard-prepped-me-to-save-america/
“Corn Pop was a bad dude.”
The only job he ever had..
Joe Biden saved 77 people from drowning? Amazed that number was never mentioned before by anyone ever. Or that anyone he ever saved was never used as a prop long before this.
Grrr! Semi-Satire! Hooked again! :-D
Ach! I should have noticed that!
And with a link of chain he’ll lynch any Esther-waterfairy who’d stand in his way.
“You had ONE job and...”
How many times have anti-fatguts read a single victim his or her rights before wailing the sh!t out of them and robbing them blind???
Joe’s DNCbrownshirt army is hateful and fascist.
No hope Biden
The leg hairs help him float better.
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