Posted on 06/10/2020 8:32:25 AM PDT by NEMDF
One of my sisters had put DNA in to 23 & Me sometime in the past (several years ago, maybe).
Over the past week, she has been notified of a person who just recently submitted DNA for testing. It turns out that this person seems to be our half-sibling.
There are 5 of us from same parents, all born from 1954 to 1960. The newly identified one seems to be related only to our father and born in 1964. I babysat for this person and two siblings, when I was around 10 or 11.
Their family moved away around 1969, but I have had some contacts with the family over the years, having also relocated to the same state. Now find out that this half-sibling has lived in the same city, and at one time, only 1.5 miles from me over some of the interim years, so very likely we have crossed paths in the past. The person no longer lives in this state or area.
Of our parents' generation, only the mother of the half-sibling is still living.
My sister has been in contact with the newly identified half-sibling, who never had an inkling that their dad was not the biological father.
I am trying to comprehend this news, and to develop some possible foreseeable outcomes, but this is very challenging on a cognitive level.
I am just wondering whether any FReepers have any experience with this type of situation, what happened with the relationships, advice on moving forward, etc.
Thanks in advance for any input or suggestions.
No, I don’t have FB, but 3 of my siblings do.
My ancestors probably all came from Europe.
That was pretty-much it - a hundred bucks for something I'd known for sixty years.
So sorry you never had any cousins. Cousins can be such fun during childhood!
My husband has done lots of genealogy stuff in his family, going back hundreds of years. One of his sons is Mormon, so that son’s wife also has documented tons of tracing back for generations.
I got some interesting news from my test but no real surprises.
“One brother’s reaction to this news (which amused me) was, “....I am shaken, not stirred.....” by the info.”
Yeah.
Is it your sister’s account?
Given the 86 year old is the only one alive still, how is she doing?
I’d want to hear the story.
Let her know, no judgement, no ill will etc...
It’s way in the past.
I would always advise keeping this kind of news to yourself until the unfaithful and his/her spouse has past on.
It is most likely that relationships will suffer. I would advise this half sibling of yours not to reveal this to his/her half siblings. It isn’t worth the chance that their relationship with their parent would suffer.
Grandchildren certainly do not need to know this kind of thing.
Honor your father and your mother. I think keeping their secrets falls in to that huge and very important commandment.
If you are talking about different ethnicity percentages, you would be absolutely correct. Each company has its own database and is building its own set of who belongs to what ethnicity. As more people are tested each company will also be updating their ethnicity percentages. For example, the first ethnicity estimate I got said I was almost 25% Irish. Later changes have narrowed that down to a much lower percentage, which means at corresponds much more closely to the genealogical research I have done.
The DNA matching of person to person does not change. A person’s DNA may change if they have had a bone marrow donation and in some other types of medical procedures. But company to company, the actual DNA with your chromosomes is going to be the same. I hope this makes sense and helps.
So your sister’s DNA profile was shared around the world? Seems imprudent.
So your sister’s DNA profile was shared around the world? Seems imprudent.
Ancestry identified my birth father’s family for me. Since I was born in 1945, when everything was kept hush, hush, the only one still living wouldn’t even give me her real name, much less any medical information, which was mostly what I wanted.
Whatever you decide to do, please, please be kind. There is a belief that adoption mends the primal wound of being given away by a parent. It isn’t true. Even happy adoptions do not mend that wound. Finding the birth family doesn’t necessarily heal it either. You may find you are now dealing with a very jealous, sharp tongued sibling you could have lived without.
People are sometimes human.
I don’t know how it works, but I don’t think it is “shared”. I think people (who consent in advance) will be notified when DNA matches are identified among the subscribers.
I have no idea whether these services (Ancestry.com, 23 and Me, whatever others) share DNA results among each other? Or limit their matching results to only their own customers.
One thing to recommend to the half-sibling if she has already revealed that he knows of the extra marital status of his conception to his mother is to ask the mother to wright a letter to the other children to be read after her death telling the story.
After her death, the others can and perhaps should know the truth. But if the mother prefers that the other children not know, I think that I at least would honor her wishes.
Your sister took it upon herself to make contact with this half-sibling without informing the rest of you?
Seems rather thoughtless.
At least you would think that she would want to know what the rest of you knew about this development.
First, check to see if he has a criminal record.
“Papa was a rolling stone
Wherever he laid his hat was his home”
I have several stories of incidents when I was face to face with two half siblings and a cousin without knowing who they were. It is indeed eerie.
My mother’s cousin found unknow relative. Based on the information, it was either my grandfather’s or my great uncle’s child. So my mother has either a half-sister or another cousin.
The cousin tried to contact the new-found relative without success.
My sister told the rest of us after getting the new half-sibling’s okay to tell us about the new half-sibling’s existence.
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