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Governor Cuomo Orders Nursing Homes To Admit Rioters
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/02/2020

Posted on 06/02/2020 4:30:44 PM PDT by DFG

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has ordered nursing homes to admit violent rioters and protesters throughout the state.

"If we are going to be compassionate, caring, and pro-science, we need to admit these oppressed individuals into every care facility available," he said at a press conference this morning. "I don't want to hear any talk of how this might hurt old people. This isn't the Dark Ages -- we listen to SCIENCE in this state!"

The order forced nursing homes to admit anyone carrying a brick, Molotov cocktail, baseball bat, or bike lock and house them until they recover. Scientists agree this is the best possible move and say that anyone who has concerns about how it might affect the elderly is an anti-science bigot.

"What a nice young man!" Ethel Carver said as one protester burst in with a Molotov cocktail. "Ooooh! He brought a fun toy to play with too! Come over here and let me pinch your cheek!"

There has been considerable violence in the nursing homes since this occurred, though these deaths are being counted as COVID-19-related.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; cuomo; cuomoholocaust; hcqludditeholocaust; ny; rememberthebodybags; rioters
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1 posted on 06/02/2020 4:30:44 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

At first glace I thought the headline was true.


2 posted on 06/02/2020 4:32:26 PM PDT by CaptainK ('No collusion, no obstruction, he's a leaker')
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To: CaptainK

Tomorrow’s news TODAY!


3 posted on 06/02/2020 4:33:27 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Joe Biden- "First thing I'd do is repeal those Trump tax cuts." (May 4th, 2019))
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To: CaptainK
👍
4 posted on 06/02/2020 4:33:47 PM PDT by hawkaw
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To: null and void

It could happen!


5 posted on 06/02/2020 4:33:48 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Joe Biden- "First thing I'd do is repeal those Trump tax cuts." (May 4th, 2019))
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To: DFG

Pretty funny.


6 posted on 06/02/2020 4:33:53 PM PDT by Ciexyz (Prayers for America.)
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To: DFG
The Babylon Bee has been working overtime to stay ahead of real life.
7 posted on 06/02/2020 4:34:29 PM PDT by Lysandru
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To: All

I was almost fooled by the headline


8 posted on 06/02/2020 4:35:30 PM PDT by escapefromboston (Free Assange)
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To: DFG

When I saw the title I knew it was the “Bee”.

Funny.


9 posted on 06/02/2020 4:35:57 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam (Nothing happens to a Christian that God does not allow to happen.)
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To: CaptainK

LOL...#MeToo :-)


10 posted on 06/02/2020 4:36:05 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: DFG

LMAO!


11 posted on 06/02/2020 4:36:16 PM PDT by chris37 (China's Gift wasn't born in a bowl of bat soup.)
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To: a fool in paradise

The Bee crowd knows liberals so well.


12 posted on 06/02/2020 4:36:43 PM PDT by wally_bert (Transmission tone, Selma.)
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To: DFG

They haven’t gotten even better the last few months!


13 posted on 06/02/2020 4:39:11 PM PDT by Trillian
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To: DFG

“Cuomo Orders Nursing Homes To Admit Rioters”

Let’s not give Cuomo any ideas.


14 posted on 06/02/2020 4:39:50 PM PDT by ScottfromNJ
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To: CaptainK

“ At first glace I thought the headline was true.”

That is what makes good satire, when the headline is not only plausible, but probable


15 posted on 06/02/2020 4:42:26 PM PDT by dsrtsage (Complexity is merely simplicity lacking imagination)
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To: DFG

More covid carriers to help kill the helpless.


16 posted on 06/02/2020 5:02:08 PM PDT by Don Corleone (The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth)
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To: DFG

Maybe they’ll catch the Virus and Die


17 posted on 06/02/2020 5:05:39 PM PDT by butlerweave
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To: DFG

It’s getting more and more difficult to believe these articles are satire.


18 posted on 06/02/2020 5:10:33 PM PDT by beethovenfan (Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin)
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To: CaptainK

At first glace I thought the headline was true.

You were not a lone ranger in that line of thought!


19 posted on 06/02/2020 5:17:49 PM PDT by Grampa Dave ( If the reason you're wearing a mask is to protect me, stay at home. If you're sick, stay at home!)
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To: Grampa Dave

I live in NY, so I live every day with the stupidity of Cuomo.


20 posted on 06/02/2020 5:20:40 PM PDT by CaptainK ('No collusion, no obstruction, he's a leaker')
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