Skip to comments.Michigan Gov Shuts Down Improvised Drive-in Theater [semi-satire]
Posted on 05/04/2020 9:48:05 AM PDT by John Semmens
Canterbury Village's plans to set up an improvised drive-in movie theater with 20' by 20' spaces for each car and the audio broadcast over a local FM radio station were halted by megalomaniac Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D).
Whitmer explained that "the legislature granted me absolute power to handle the COVID crisis as I see fit. One of the things that I have shutdown across the state is movie theaters. Just because the folks at Canterbury Village were able to ensure the required minimum social distancing at their improvised outdoor theater doesn't mean they get a pass from me. In my view, a few cannot be permitted to evade the suffering imposed on the many just because they are more inventive or clever. As long as I am in charge, until all can see movies, none shall see movies."
The Governor neglected to mention that the power granted to her by the legislature expired at midnight on April 30. She claims that "once given the power it is mine until I decide to relinquish it. Polls show that 70% of the voters favor my strict controls over them. Given this level of popular support the legislature is powerless against me. I am seen as the only one who is capable of safeguarding the health of every person in the state. For this to work I must have immediate and unquestioning obedience from every resident to every order I issue for as long this virus is with us."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Gretchen still has the ball.
Hey you Michigan stoopids,
YOU elected her sorry ass.
Gretchen still has the ball.
Gretchen still has the balls. - there fixed it.
As i explained, marijuana legalization was on the ballot. This brought out hippie voters that haven’t voted since 1969. Some of them were still alive. The 5 or so counties around detroit chose our gubner. That is ok though,that is also where most of the covid deaths are.
Let’s get something straight there, slappy: I did not elect her. The tri-county schmucks did. Us upstaters would love to see every crooked dem ridden out of town on a rail. Furthermore, we would love for the MI GOP to grow a pair and run somebody other than the Casper Milquetoast idiots we get on a regular basis. Until that happens we’re gonna get more of the same. Savvy?
S’funny you should mention Gretchen and ball in the same sentence....cackle.
Witmer was rated “The Friendliest” by a group of Chinese Communists networking with US governors.
Witmer was voted “Most Likely to Bring (cough) Noodle Bowl to Chinese Man’s Hotel Room.”
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