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Corona Virus Humor (because we need some)
self | jimjohn

Posted on 03/14/2020 10:56:19 AM PDT by jimjohn

Since we're Americans, we don't just sit around in a panic. We meet crisis head on, and laugh in the face of adversity. And beside, we could use a little humor these days. I'll give a try and folks can chime in where appropriate.

* From now on, folks watching the Walking Dead will take notes.

* Fighting climate change is on hold, but we could sure use a little global warning right about now to hepl kill this bug.

* a run on toilet paper? WEll, if you run out of food, remember that it doesn't taste like chicken.

* Nations across the globe are closing their borders. Guess we're all racists now. Perhaps Mars and Venus will sue.

* One good thing about the Corona virus: AOC's 15 minutes are finally over.

* with any luck, Joe Biden will be quarantined until after the election, while Bernie Sanders will get stuck in Cuba looking for a cure.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Government; Health/Medicine; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: nocoronavirus; nocronovirus
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To: jimjohn

It’s getting near time to put The Stand in the dvd player...

BTW, I did my weekly shopping yesterday and today. In most of the stores I shop at regularly are either light or out of the expected in things like cleaning supplies, cold medicine, bread, peanut butter and mac and cheese. However, they are all out of flour. We use a lot of flour normally. I know the trends of the flour supply at all the stores but this is foolish. Based on when I normally see in carts over the years, I am sure very few of the people buying flour will know what to do with it. I’m sure many think they will be making bread when that runs out in the stores. However, the yeast supply looks full. They could be making cookies but the cookie ingredients like chocolate chips and things are stocked in full. It’s just odd.

BTW, is it poor taste to cough as I walk by a liberal hypochondriac at work?


21 posted on 03/14/2020 11:36:30 AM PDT by Dutch Boy
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To: jimjohn

If you do decide to do a ping list put me on it.


22 posted on 03/14/2020 11:47:43 AM PDT by Redcitizen (Nobody needs a 10 round magazine. You need a 30 round magazine.)
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To: jimjohn

I laughed out loud over this paragraph from a Mark Steyn column:

“~So much for blowing hot. Blowing cold, it seems unlikely to kill as many people as the Black Death, despite following the same route of spread (from East Asia to Italy) and being dependent on the same containment measures as seven centuries ago (quarantine). But that’s because the best defense against an influenza pandemic is rising temperatures - or global warming. It seems an odd time for anti-Biden protesters to be rushing the stage demanding the slaughter of cattle herds when bovine flatulence may be all that stands between us and the abyss. For my own part, I will only travel with a flatulent Holstein as my emotional support animal.”


23 posted on 03/14/2020 11:49:15 AM PDT by Twotone (While one may vote oneself into socialism one has to shoot oneself out of it.)
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To: jimjohn

From Facebook:

Thanks a lot doomsdayers, I just had to wipe my ass with a sock.


24 posted on 03/14/2020 11:50:55 AM PDT by Newtoidaho (All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.)
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To: jimjohn
To stretch your last roll:


25 posted on 03/14/2020 11:51:47 AM PDT by polymuser (It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and so few by deceit. Noel Coward)
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To: jimjohn

Here in Jersey the ticks are out. Now we can get a cornea with Lyme.


26 posted on 03/14/2020 11:51:58 AM PDT by mware (RETIRED)
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To: Newtoidaho
Buttwipe shortage backup plan


27 posted on 03/14/2020 11:53:49 AM PDT by nascarnation
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To: All

NOT FUNNY Obama said he'd bring in foreign Ebola carriers to be treated in US hospitals.

28 posted on 03/14/2020 11:55:04 AM PDT by Liz (Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use.)
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To: pax_et_bonum

Now how did I just know that you would find this thread? LOL


29 posted on 03/14/2020 11:55:39 AM PDT by Lakeside Granny (Vote RED~R.emove E.very D.emocrat~D&S)
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To: Lakeside Granny

30 posted on 03/14/2020 11:58:29 AM PDT by stars & stripes forever (Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. (Psalm 32:12))
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To: From The Deer Stand

Before Coronavirus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.


31 posted on 03/14/2020 11:58:57 AM PDT by polymuser (It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and so few by deceit. Noel Coward)
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To: jimjohn

Im no scientist but if this thing is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT!


32 posted on 03/14/2020 12:00:21 PM PDT by youngidiot (The left uses book publishing companies to launder large amounts of cash to other leftist.)
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To: stars & stripes forever; exit82

I all ready gave exit my list but thank you for asking.


33 posted on 03/14/2020 12:03:59 PM PDT by Lakeside Granny (Vote RED~R.emove E.very D.emocrat~D&S)
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To: Lakeside Granny

34 posted on 03/14/2020 12:07:35 PM PDT by Lakeside Granny (Vote RED~R.emove E.very D.emocrat~D&S)
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To: jimjohn

35 posted on 03/14/2020 12:10:57 PM PDT by HangnJudge (Kipling was right about humanity)
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To: jimjohn

36 posted on 03/14/2020 12:11:57 PM PDT by HangnJudge (Kipling was right about humanity)
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To: jimjohn

• A run on toilet paper? Well, if you run out of food, remember if you don’t eat, you won’t need toilet paper...


37 posted on 03/14/2020 12:17:35 PM PDT by null and void (By the pricking of my lungs, Something wicked this way comes ...)
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To: jimjohn

LeBron James says he will not play basketball without fans. The NBA has decided to honor his request.


38 posted on 03/14/2020 12:20:27 PM PDT by jimjohn (2020: The year the Republicans can and should take back the black vote.)
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To: Dutch Boy; Salamander
BTW, is it poor taste to cough as I walk by a liberal hypochondriac at work?

Dunno. Is is poor taste to wet your fingers, fake a sneeze, and flick droplets on the back of neck of the tall guy who avoided a hundred empty seats to sit in front of little ol' you in the theater?

39 posted on 03/14/2020 12:24:17 PM PDT by null and void (By the pricking of my lungs, Something wicked this way comes ...)
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To: null and void
When someone gets a cold, they want stay home in bed or in the recliner sucking on a bottle of Nyquil.

When someone gets the Corona Virus, they want to take a plane trip somewhere, go on cruise, go to the casino...

40 posted on 03/14/2020 12:35:23 PM PDT by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's fore sure)
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