Posted on 07/24/2019 7:05:29 AM PDT by John Semmens
After being on the job for only nine months, CEO Leana Wen was abruptly fired this week. While Len claims to have been "blind sided" by the move, Planned Parenthood spokesperson Adora Slaughter insisted the firing "should not have been a surprise. The number of abortions we've performed has gone down on her watch. Several states have enacted severe restrictions on abortions performed after a fetal heartbeat is detected. The final straw was Wen's assertion that only women can get pregnant and have abortions. This effectively undermines our opportunity to make up for lost business by performing abortions on trans-gender patients."
Wen contends she is "being made the scapegoat for trends that are beyond our ability to control. I thought I said all the right words. I publicly asserted that abortions save lives. I refused to condemn sex selection abortions. I committed no thought crimes."
Wen went on to predict that "whoever is named to succeed me will face the same struggle of swimming against a rising tide of opposition to our business plan and methods. Demographics are against Planned Parenthood. Our supporters aren't raising the next pro-choice generation. Our opponents are raising the next anti-choice generation. The only way out of this dilemma is for the government to adopt a single child limit like China has."
Meanwhile, new interim president Alexis McGill Johnson announced a "fresh venture into the virgin territory of evangelicals. There's no good reason to believe that we can't win Christians over. They refer to the aborted as 'innocents.' Abortion enables these innocents to avoid the sins they would inevitably commit if they are allowed to be born. In short, the terminations we offer sends them directly to heaven. Surely that is better than letting them risk eternal damnation through failure to abort them."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,369049.0.html
How symbolic.
I guess you could say that she was aborted in the third trimester of her tenure...
Adora Slaughter............bol........
Adora Slaughter...get it?
Apparently not satanic enough
New interim PP president announces new DemonicRat platform: murder sends the victim straight to heaven, and allows the victim to avoid the legalization of sins. So, it’s legalized.
Wasn’t mouth-frothing leftists enough?
I do have to do a double take on such obvious satire as real life is getting awfully close.
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