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Biden Promises to Cure Cancer [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 June 2019 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/17/2019 11:58:24 AM PDT by John Semmens

In a bid to out-promise his rivals for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination, former Vice-President Joe Biden has pledged to cure cancer if he is elected. As it so often happens when Biden gloms onto an idea it turns out not to be an original thought. It was in 1971 that the much reviled President Richard Nixon declared “war on cancer.” He even persuaded Congress to pass the National Cancer Act (P.L. 92–218).

The government’s war on cancer is now nearing its 50th year. A recent development was the Obama Administration’s “Cancer Moonshot” initiative that Biden himself announced in early 2016. “The idea was to imitate JFK’s pledge to put a man on the moon within a decade,” Biden explained. “The problem with Nixon’s plan is that unlike JFK he didn’t set a deadline for achieving the goal. I won’t make that same mistake once I’m elected president. There will be a firm deadline and severe penalties will be imposed for failure to meet it.”

The candidate refused to elaborate on what these penalties might be or to clarify how such a threat could be expected to generate the scientific breakthrough required to produce a cure, saying “I’m not going to show my cards until voters do their part to give me the powers that I need to make this miracle happen. The important thing to remember is that right now I am the only candidate who has offered to cure this dreaded disease. That’s more than any of my competitors have done.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2019/06/15/calif-dem-wants-felons-on-juries/


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: biden; jfk; nixon; satire

1 posted on 06/17/2019 11:58:24 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

For his sake, he should be trying to cure dementia.


2 posted on 06/17/2019 12:02:44 PM PDT by ButThreeLeftsDo (MAGA!!!)
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To: John Semmens

No need, Joe. Trump is almost done curing it already. Find yourself another illness to cure. perhaps AIDs, which should appeal to your gay base.


3 posted on 06/17/2019 12:04:18 PM PDT by chuckee
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To: John Semmens

He should have went for baldness.


4 posted on 06/17/2019 12:12:01 PM PDT by o-n-money
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To: John Semmens

In response, AOC announcing to be first, if elected, to put a man on the sun.


5 posted on 06/17/2019 12:32:04 PM PDT by Mark (Celebrities... is there anything they do not know? -Homer Simpson)
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