Dem Presidential Hopeful Claims Ability to See Future [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 Feb 2019 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week, Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif) tried to bolster her prospects for nabbing the Democratic nomination for president in the 2020 election by alleging she can see the future. "Back when I was in college in the 1980s I had a glimpse of the future where I saw the rise to fame of Snoop Dogg and Tupac," she claimed. "This was before anyone, including me, knew who these people were. Then came the 1990s and both shot to the top of the music world."

"Now I see two paths diverging depending on who is elected our next president," Harris said. "On one path, Trump is reelected and the airwaves are inundated with cornball country music as far as the ear can hear. On the other path, I am elected and rising new hip hop musicians named the Diddler and Dr. Freezee hit the scene. I urge voters to make a wise choice."

The Senator credited her marijuana smoking for her extraordinary power to see the future. "Unlike former president and sex offender Bill Clinton, I inhaled," she pointed out. "The combination of my unique DNA and the chemicals contained in pot, which you can only benefit from if you actually consume them, made me a trans-human mutant with superpowers."

Meanwhile, rival contender for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) forecast a future in which he will outlaw meat consumption if he is elected: "This planet simply cannot sustain people eating meat. When I'm president I will issue an executive order abolishing the consumption of animal flesh anywhere in the world."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,351729.0.html

[SunkenCiv]

Thanks John Semmens. Perfect.

• Kamala Harris’ weed-toking college playlist goes up in smoke