Posted on 06/27/2018 8:30:06 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
Hat Tip: Alan Cooperman
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" Birth of an engineer
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Engineering
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.
Son of a mecbanical engineer (yes, weapons: rockets, missiles, jets).
Thanks. #2 dead on.
I started as a double major: engineering and zoology. Had the aptitude for engineering but not the passion like my ME father.
I still have my slide rule. I bought the best.
I had a movie-scene experience in an Organic Chemistry mid-term: While using my slide rule, I suddenly heard a wailing voice cry, “My battery died!”
I felt sympathetic but validated.
Yes, I still have this dream, too.
I still use my HP15C (bought in 1985) every day at work. I dread the day it finally dies, because nobody makes an RPN calculator anymore, that I know of.
I've had that dream many times over. Then, when I try to go to the final, the exam has been moved to a place I can't find since I've been cutting the class.
Retired ChemE here.
I wonder if this is unique to us engineers, because that's almost the same as mine! And it's always an advanced calculus class, and I haven't studied all semester.
Looks like you can buy the 15c used on Ebay or Amazon. Depending on the condition they go for $100 to $300+
There is also a company that makes a clone of it for $135
Thanks for the information.
Your welcome. Amazing they go for so much..
I don't recall the exact class [differential equations ?], as I haven't had the dream in years, but I can clearly remember running the halls of the math building, looking in rooms in vain.
For years (10+) it was a dream I several nights a week.
Now why, in the dream, I was cutting a class that caused me trouble, is probably a question better left to a psychiatrist.
Depends.
Oldest thing that was originally mine?
A little plastic horse. There is a picture of me aged < one year lying on the dining room table looking at it. I can reach out from here and take it down from a shelf. I’m 54.
Oldest thing that has been in the immediate family that I have close at hand? My grandfather’s, then my dad’s Mossberg 151 .22. I learned to shoot with it at 8 years; it had to be supported by a pillow at the front.
Oldest thing that has been in the extended family?
1908 Pathe cabinet phonograph.
No slide rules, and the oldest calculator is from the 1990 and would be found risible by an engineer.
LCD?
1974?
Not LED?
Cool.
LCD?
1974?
Not LED?
Cool.
It does not look anything like modern LCDs. It is large and resembles neon but easy on the eyes. A very cool green color.
I remember when LCDs first came out they would only last a year or two.
Now that you pointed out a gun I just realized. Above me on the wall is a 30-40 Krag from the early 40s. It also has been passed on down. I also have a picture of me holding it in ‘55 or ‘56. Yes did some shooting with it but never killed or shot at a deer.
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