Posted on 02/27/2018 7:43:29 PM PST by cazmandeuce
Wow, my 25 year old boy called tonight to talk about asking his girlfriend to marry him. First, I had a feeling this conversation was coming based on what I could tell from what I saw from their relationship over the last year. They have been dating for over a year now, both in their PHD program, and I can tell they are soul mates. Oh my. Second, that's my first son. Is he ready.... My little buddy is thinking about such grown up stuff. Any parents going through the same stuff? Oh, they grow up so fast.......
Careful with posting Marvin The Paranoid Android, or someone will answer with that quip, “The first million years, they were the worst. The second million years, they were the worst too. After that I went into a bit of a decline.”
Also, it would be a waste to sell me on marriage. Trying to sell me on anything that has a 93-97% failure rate is not going to work, I don’t care what it is. Marriage, a car, an airplane, an investment, a bulletproof vest, a parachute, a ladder, whatever.
(The other issue, is that a lot more people in these hedonistic days, are shacking up in lieu of marriage; sometimes with kids, sometimes not-- check out the illegitimacy rate: for whites, it is now above what it was for blacks when Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan wrote his article...). But the upshot is, if a shacked-up couple breaks up, it doesn't get counted in the divorce stats.
I have found that it takes at least ten million years to see past the utter tragedy that life is and begin to enjoy it simply because it’s a better choice.
“In spite of the high cost of living, it’s still popular.”
And consider the cost of death! You’d think people would stop dying in protest.
Are you implying it doesn't affect a man's ability to bond and it doesn't render his taste more jaded? or perhaps that's okay?
Think of the stereotypical scene in a movie, one spouse finds out the other has been cheating.
First case: man is cheating.
Martha: Roger! How COULD YOU!!??!!
Roger: Honestly, babe, it was just a fling, she meant nothing to me.
The wife may divorce him on moral grounds; but as long as he keeps providing, she might well forgive him.
Second case: woman is cheating.
It's *over*. The woman doesn't even *try* to pretend it was a one-night fling, that 'he meant nothing.'
Lesson: men and women react differently to sex; men can have sexual flings without bonding, even while remaining in love.
But women...the guy knows, if she has let another man inside of her, while married to him...she simply isn't in love with him anymore.
"Technically" - yes, men can happen to bond because of sex, or use sex to express love in a bond which has formed. But it takes a lot *more* sexual partners for a man, before he loses the ability to bond. (Some of the infamous / legendary PUAs on line, have said that after 10-12 years of sleeping around, they find it harder to value any woman as a person. But some sociological studies have shown, that more than 1 sexual partner other than their spouse, before marriage, doubles a woman's divorce risk within even the first 5 years of marriage.)
It's morally wrong in either case: but the side effects differ from one sex to the other. Sexist? Yes, by definition, we're talking about sex. But this goes against the last 50 years of feminist programming, that woman are just men with breasts, except that they are better, stronger, faster, and more virtuous to boot...
That’s awesome.
I could debate those comments with you for hours, because I know many women who got taken to cleaners, and have husbands who get maid service, without any compensation or real love!
However, I have a busy day planned, with no time to discuss this, besides arguing never accomplishes anything! Discussing feelings/statistics is ok, however, I feel you are entitled to your opinion, as much as I am mine!
I do not encourage anyone to get married, it is a personal decision! I know people who have been happily married for decades, some who are divorced, and others who have never married. Who is happiest, it depends on your view point!
I do not understand the comment ‘divorce raped within 10 years’; I think by raped, you mean financially? Hopefully not physical...? The 93-97 % is not a logical number in 10 yrs...that means only 3-7 % last 10 years, do you have that statistic link!
Marriage isn’t about money, unless you haven’t done ‘due diligence’ prior to marriage, and have a pre-nuptial. Most people do not have that much money to fight over, anymore.
I did read your post comment about people doing away with things in basement. I thought people compromised before marriage on what to keep and what to get rid of, of course, there are women who do that... I do occasionally do a house over, and you cannot keep everything....too much like hoarding. If you are hoarder, you have no business married.
Must run...later.. I pray God blesses you with inner healing for the pain ‘someone’ caused, it is devastating to lose things important to you...and money, plus the disappointment of trust lost. Yes, men do sometimes get financially screwed, however, wealthy women get taken to cleaners too... not to mention the infidelity of it all, which is another subject.
Life decisions can become a mess, however, cynicism will ruin your health....it is best to forgive and move on! The best revenge is to do well in life, and that isn’t always money. Joy and happiness can come back. Forgiveness isn’t about the offender, it is for you. Unforgiving hearts are held hostage, and the perpetrator will continue to make you hurt, until you let them go thru forgiveness...then you are free! Do you really want her to control the rest of your life? Let go, money can be replaced, things too...hearts can heal.
May you have a nice day!
I think you may have me confused with someone else. I have no intention of selling you on marriage. I was talking statistics, and how we react to things will affect us positively or negatively. Quote: ‘Life is what happens, when we are making plans.’ Money was never my objective, yet we all need it to pay bills and to live reasonable.
I’ve been married for a long time, and I feel blessed to have had this time. My husband is on Oxygen 24/7, he smoked 40 yrs, and it ruined his health. It does not stop me from taking care of him....’in sickness and in health’.
Stop assuming because someone disagrees with you they must have been hurt.
I am against rape and never have been raped. I am against murder and have never been murdered. I am against burglary and have never had my home broken into.
Its condescending that I cant logically be against something based on fairness and logically seeing what a raw deal mariage is for any man, regardless of any other circumstances. 93-96% chance of a first marriage divorce within 10 years with an 80% chance the woman files for divorce, are incredibly horibble odds and no sane man would enter into marriage with these odds.
Dont belittle my views that I defend with logic and facts with your ignorant condescending assumption.
“with your ignorant condescending assumption.”
Sad, never meant to be condescending...and I took your words at face value...no assumption. No problem! Enjoy your life!
That’s great. Thanks for the smile :)
Good fortune to you all!
I sure hope it doesn’t work out like that. I’m sure it won’t, but that was pretty funny.
Thanks for the kind words.
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