Posted on 09/15/2017 11:06:29 PM PDT by John Semmens
One of the more bizarre revelations in Hillary Clinton's campaign autopsy book—What Happened—was her admission that she tried Voodoo, "but it didn't work. I had dolls of all the key players—Trump, Bannon, Limbaugh. I stuck them with pins like you're supposed to, but none of them even got sick, much less died."
The former presidential candidate speculated that "some sort of Russian radiation or hypersonic interference may have short-circuited the effectiveness of this time-tested technique. I mean, it's not like I haven't successfully used this tool before. We made a lot of problems disappear when Bill was governor of Arkansas and when we were in the White House. So, there's got to have been some outside interference that prevented it from clearing a path to my election last year. Putin and the Russians seem to be the logical answer."
A more predictable Clinton reaction in the book was her castigation of the "mistakes made by every woman who didn't vote for me. They had a chance to make history by electing the first person without a penis to the presidency, but they blew it."
"I've been searching for the reasons," Clinton said. "In some cases I think it was a case of spousal abuse intimidating women from acting independently and voting for me. In other cases I think domineering fathers discouraged their daughters from breaking free of the patriarchy. So fearsome were these baleful male influences that even the secret ballot could not overcome their fear of what would happen to them if the men in their lives suspected they had voted for me."
Though Clinton feigned a vague implied sympathy for women frightened away from voting for her, she refused to offer any absolution. "I'm not letting anyone off the hook for the evil they've done by not voting for me," Hillary declared. "It's their sin and they should suffer their well-deserved anguish and sleepless nights for as long as they live—like the young woman whose mother made her publicly apologize to me for not voting for me. Perhaps the humiliation that woman experienced will inspire other mothers to exert more effective control over their daughters the next time a woman runs for president."
In related bad news for Mrs. Clinton, a County Circuit Court in Maryland ordered the State Bar to open an investigation into the conduct of three lawyers who allegedly helped her illegally delete her emails. Judge Paul Harris ruled that "an accusation that lawyers who have a special obligation to obey the law actually broke the law merits more than a hasty dismissal." Harris rejected arguments from the three lawyers—David Kendall, Cheryl Mills and Heather Samuelson—that the case was frivolous since a similar complaint had already been dismissed in Arkansas, saying that "we should aspire to higher standards of ethics than might prevail in Arkansas."
Meanwhile, 1600 newly released Clinton emails from her term as Secretary of State provide fresh examples of a "pay to play" scheme wherein donors to the Clinton Foundation received special favors from the State Department. Not only do these emails indicate a pattern of self-dealing corruption, they also contradict her testimony that she turned over all her Department-related correspondence before erasing only her personal correspondence upon leaving the office in 2013. A Clinton spokesperson, in a not-for-attribution statement, denied that the former Secretary of State's testimony constituted perjury "because she was never asked to testify under oath. So whatever lies she may have told are, technically, not perjury."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/225513-2017-09-15-semi-news-semi-satire-september-17-2017-edition.htm
ping
LOL.
At this point, Hillary is just a pain in the blank.
I’m sure Democrats who want to look to the future wish she would just go away.
Bill once said that Hillary wanted to be a grandma more than she ever wanted to be president.
Well, if so, why doesn’t Hillary go get in the babies’ faces, and get out of our faces??
I always enjoy playing this Youtube video of Hitler finding out that der Hillary lost the election:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GqalglN1EY
I’m trying to think of a time when I wasn’t aware HRC wasn’t a known criminal politician who abused her position and ya know what; I can’t think of a single time in modern history.
The shame of it is that she and Bill have gotten away with it all these years without any real punishment. Sure, I know she will suffer for eternity once she leaves this life, but one likes to see justice done here on this plane of existence too.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a plan to scam Satan out of keeping her with him forever. Trump was right; she really is a nasty woman.
She also admitted that “she cared too much and worked too hard”. But, you know, it was for the children and all the other little people.
Of course you made mistakes. Starting back many years ago when you started on you criminal life style and you didn’t even bother to hide it and at times even flaunt it
“We made a lot of problems disappear when Bill was governor of Arkansas and when we were in the White House.”.....
She/they didn’t use Voo Doo dolls to resolve those problems, instead they used real bullets, trucks, cars trains, planes and what ever other instruments of death available to lay their hands on. The Clintons are evil people and continue to practice their methods of “problem solving”. THAT MY FRIENDS, IS NOT SATIRE!
And I guess the voodoo didn’t work with Obama because he was better at it than she was.
Your funniest satire, yet. Priceless.
Help!!! I've lost the election and I can't shut up about it!!!
:^) Since she claims other people made all the mistakes, can it really be an admission? :^D Thanks JS, for the ping and keeping me/adding me back in.
Too funny!!! (-:
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.