Posted on 01/06/2017 9:29:58 AM PST by rhett october
Are you a good husband or wife? Are you a good wife or husband? It seems like most people think that they are but with the high divorce rate of today and the large number of troubled marriages, it’s not likely that most spouses are “good” at it. In fact, most of us need to improve quite a bit in our role as a husband or wife.
So how do you know if you are an above average, super spouse or if you need to work to improve? This list should be helpful.
Ask yourself these 5 questions, and answer them honestly to know if you are a good wife/husband.
5. Do you talk to strangers in a kinder tone than you do your spouse? That is, do you reply in an annoyed, impatient tone to your spouse but show patience and kindness to complete strangers? I’m not saying you should be rude or impatient with strangers, but I am saying that your spouse deserves a gentle, patient response from you far more than a telemarketer or receptionist. Think about who you are responding to.
(Excerpt) Read more at marriageradio.com ...
"You should be sociable with unpredictable and dangerous people.
For that matter, you should do that with anybody that you don't know.
You should only be rude to friends you're sure won't slice you into cold cuts;
That's what manners are for."
Glen Cook (The Garrett Files)
Here's some advice.
If you think your marriage needs that kind of work, skip the flowers for later.
While men have somehow been taught to think that women will be wowed with flowers, if the marriage is rocky, too often a woman will see them as a band aid for HIS conscience.
Giving flowers doesn't make up for neglect or bad behavior. It's seen by women as a salve to a man's conscience so he can then say, *Well I gave her flowers and she didn't even appreciate it.*
Flowers are seen as too easy a fix for a marriage that is in rough shape.
Actions speak louder than words. Spend time with her, and not just sitting and talking but DOING things together.
Help with the housework.
Do the dishes.
Pick up your own dirty laundry.
Clean up after yourself.
Throw out your own trash and clear off the table when you're done eating.
Instead of taking her out to dinner, MAKE her diner. It doesn't need to be fancy, it just needs to be done.
So much of what women do goes unnoticed and too often unappreciated. It takes a lot of work to keep a household running and clean, to be doing every. single. day. the same jobs over and over. It takes a lot of work to do the laundry, dust, sweep, mop, so the shopping, meal prep, clean up.
When the man comes home from work and his day is done, hers isn't. She doesn't get off at 6. She still has meals to clean up for and often cannot feel like she can relax for the evening until and unless the kitchen is clean and the house is neat. Then there's no pressure on her as she looks around and still sees all the things left that need to be done that are on her.
Tell her you appreciate that!
She will not feel so taken for granted.
Acknowledging that will go far further in mending a relationship than taking the easy way out and just giving flowers.
And then when you give her flowers and she knows it's for no other reason than you love her, THEN they will be appreciated.
Lost cause here.
I am doing pretty well with the quiz. and i am married to a wonderful patient man so I am certainly blessed in that department.
Wife: You treat the dog better than me!!
Me: Look how he greets me when I come home from work.
Yeah...
"What have you done NOW??"
Noted, metmom. Good post.
But that’s the problem.
The man is making his treatment of the wife conditional on how she treats him.
Joke notwithstanding, if he treated her better, he might be surprised.
What a man’s job is to him for self-esteem and a source of identity, the home is to the woman.
The whole thing that a man tells his wife when he helps her is that he notices how much work keeping house is, how much work she does, and that she’s important to him and he cares for her enough to help her carry the load.
Now, I do understand that there are women out there who would let the man do it all and go along for a free ride and I know some of them. And that is wrong. I’m not talking about those lazy, spoiled good for nothings.
It works both ways.
Oh so true; at least the last part.
I can have any of my buds over to the garage, barn, whatever, and NEVER feel like I'm going to be judged on how organized and clean those locations are.
But have ANOTHER woman show up in the wife's kitchen and find a dirty dish in the sink...
Oh the huge manitee!
Yep, good points. I think you are spot on.
I tell people that they are welcome to come over anytime but I make no guarantees about the condition of the house if they drop in.
Ands I tell them:
If they want to see me, they are welcome any time.
If they want to see my house, give me about three weeks notice.
No.
I saw War Room and Flywheel, though.
The author erroneously makes rejection about what he calls sex, when for women rejection is almost always his preference for such things as TV, sports, and other people, as explained in (5)----Do you talk to strangers in a kinder tone than you do your spouse? That is, do you reply in an annoyed, impatient tone to your spouse but show patience and kindness to complete strangers?
Your response to the question, "do you punish your spouse for telling the truth?" is very perceptive. The 'egg shells' phenomenon indicates a spirit of pride, resentment---even perhaps envy of spouse for their excellent qualities--and rejection of responsibility for weakness, faulty judgment, etc.
That website is annoying. I significantly dislike websites that try to get you to click one more time when you make a move to leave.
I Know that sex is an area of contention for many married couples and your observation about the man rejecting the woman in favor of TV, friends etc, is very insightful. The woman sees or senses that rejection and yet then the man comes along and wants sex at the end of the day, and after a whole day of rejecting her, expects a warm welcome in bed.
NOT going to happen.
The reason, for all the men who screech and howl about it, is that the woman just sees it as the man, even if it’s her husband, using her. He ignores her all day until he wants something from her and then gets put out when she won’t.
Women know what sex means to a man (in priority somewhere between breathing and eating) and how much he wants it and there’s no way a man is going to convince a woman that he’s making some kind of great sacrifice by having sex with her. SHE knows it’s not about her.
Well, nobody feels like being used just to satisfy someone else’s desires and the man who tries to claim that he’s thinking of his wife after ignoring her the rest of the day, isn’t fooling anyone.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.