Posted on 03/10/2016 12:51:52 PM PST by rfreedom4u
Since my last update things have soured once again. My wife was hospitalized for two weeks and was telling her shrink and counselor that we are going through a divorce. We werent at the time but we are now.
She has been very adamant that she wants a divorce and Ive given up on trying anymore. I realize that I will be free of the hellish life of worry and grief. Once again she states she has been seeing angels and demons, and inanimate objects being moved around by ghosts.
I delayed filing the petition for divorce because I knew she wasnt in her right mind. She continued to press me on when I was going to do it so I filed on Monday. She filed her response on Wednesday.
She called me at lunch today to tell me that she is happy we are divorcing. She says weve always been incompatible as husband and wife and also anatomically. I was a little thrown off by that so I asked her if she was becoming a lesbian to which she replied she wasnt. She did tell me that someone else had asked her to marry him and she accepted. I didnt ask who it was but did mention things like who will be the maid of honor etc. She said that it is complicated because Michael asked her to marry him. By Michael she meant the Arch-Angel. She said she is torn as to whether she will stay in Texas or move back to Philly. If she moves to Philly she has a life long friend that said she could live with her. Ive begun putting my departure plan into motion (acquiring things I will need) and have set a rather ambitious goal of this January. If all goes smoothly the divorce will be final by the end of May. She will continue to have medical coverage along with a portion of my retirement pay. Our kids havent said much about it yet. One has stated that she doubts we will actually get divorced. I have had mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand I am saddened that it has come to this. On the other hand I am relieved that I will be free of an unhappy life and constantly being on guard for her next episode. Twenty-seven years of marriage of which nineteen have been like this has been rough. Seventy percent of my married life has been spent dealing with her mental illness. I cant continue to do it as I feel too drained to do so.
The below link is to my original post which has a link to my second post.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/3317547/posts
check mail
**Not really a “Prayer Warriors ping” but still maybe useful comments**
Seriously... VERY seriously, I have been in your shoes. It is literally a ‘Hell on Earth’ and can make you go insane also.
My divorce, even though I didn’t want it, saved my life and my children’s lives too. A word of warning though, my lawyer told me that if there was any mention of mental illness in the paperwork being filed, it would lead me into life-long alimony and medical insurance coverage for my Ex. I escaped being a ‘slave’ to her ‘future happiness’ by the skin of my teeth.
Just something for you to think about.
You mentioned, kids - I assume they are adults, or close to it.
Divorce is of course your own personal decision. As a side note, stay close to them, seek their advice and keep them updated. They must know clinically what’s happening to their mother. They should be at an age now where they can help both with the physical burden, your wife’s future care, and as a comfort to you.
Moreover, your wife seeing a unified, loving front of people around her will most definitely put some bounds to the extremes of her thoughts and behavior.
I’ve spoken with the kids (all adults). They wonder why I haven’t left sooner.
-—Being her husband, you can have her committed.-—
Not really it’s a lot harder than you think it is...
Actually it’s almost impossible...
The kids are all grown. They know exactly what is going on and how she is. They grew up seeing it firsthand. I believe I’ve set a good example for them by staying as long as I have.
They have mentioned helping her out as best they can also.
Even though it's a good thing it's still a hard thing, especially the older you get. Things are better now, although there are still some rough times.
Good Luck. I'm sure you have done what you could.
Been following your plight here for some time. Your long perseverance has been truly moving. All I can think to say is: “Be at peace, brother.”
How old is your wife?
She is 52 and I am 51. She went through menopause about ten years ago.
I know this is different but it speaks to doing some things we don’t want to do. My son has a female worker who is just ok, but a little slow in her work ethics. She has a husband of over twenty years who is extreme bi-polar with severe episodes, he is on permanent disability. The wife is very grateful for her job but is often late to work, is off quite a bit which is a result of her husband’s problems. Last week she told my son she carries a weapon for her protection from him, and wanted him to know that he threatens her all the time and has also threatened to kill her at work. The psychiatrist has called her often to check on her and warn her.
He has decided he has to let her go and he hates it because she needs the job. He is now concerned about the safety of the others in his office if he keeps her or if he lets her go. So somehow he has inherited the responsibility of this guys mental problems as well as her inability to make decisions in her best interest. He considered locks on the office doors, a security guy in the mornings, lunch and afternoons and a few other precautions, but realized he and his office would be hostages to insanity.
I know this is hard to hear, but many times people become co-dependents in alcoholism, drugs and mental illness. I do not think going along with it helps anyone, in fact, it makes it worse. Good luck and prayers.
As I understand Scripture if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, you should let them go. I am so sorry this has happened and it sounds like you are dealing with it in a just and Scriptural fashion.
She has never been violent. I am definitely not codependent. I appreciate the concern though. Thank you.
Prayers for you both. A very sad situation.
Peace or piece? cause either way it's a nice thought
. later .
Booze and those kinds of pills really don’t mix. They can cause amazing delusions.
There is only so much you can do. At some point you have to take care of yourself.
That's all that needs to be said. Hang in there, I am sympathetic to your plight and will pray things get better for you. One of my wife's sisters is currently going through the same situation. In her late fifties, and she's become mentally ill. Her husband cannot figure out how to deal with her. They've been married 33 years, and this happened over the last four years. Psychiatrists, therapists, several doctors prescribing various drugs, all to no avail. She will not take advice from us, or others including her adult children.
Change will not happen unless she truly wants to change for the better. In the meantime, all their finances have been drained and her husband is trying to not let this impact his job. He's a contractor to the fed gov't. Lost their house, and having trouble paying bills. My wife and I have been providing some financial help.
There may be no easy way out, but do continue to get help from others and hopefully your wife will snap out of it. That's what we're hoping for with my sister-in-law. Meanwhile we're going to let her husband and kids get through this. Don't feel guilty, this situation is happening to others and your wife is the one who needs to snap out of it.
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