Baltimore Mayor Apologizes for Calling Rioters "Thugs" [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 May 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, whose infamous order to police to "give protestors space to destroy," sheepishly apologized to residents who participated in looting stores, burning buildings, and assaulting passersby for using the term "thugs" to describe their behavior.

"My use of the word 'thugs' implied that these people were engaged in criminal acts," she said. "I have since been informed that stealing toilet paper, trashing the businesses of owners who had nothing to do with the death of Mr. Gray, and beating up white people foolish enough to venture into the streets were acts of righteous rage."

The Mayor maintained that "my first instinct to allow people to vent their anger as they saw fit was the correct one. While it may be true that none of the individual victims of the rioting were directly responsible for the crowd's rage, by being white alone, they were collectively guilty for centuries of Black oppression. I should not have besmirched those who showed the initiative to go outside the customary constraints concocted by white civilization by using racially derogatory terms like 'thug' or 'criminal.' That I did shows that even those of us most advanced members of the government can be brainwashed by social norms we ought to reject."

In related news, President Obama justified his refusal to visit riot-torn Baltimore because "to do so would endorse the idea that the City is in crisis when all we're really seeing is a rough implementation of a redistribution of wealth that has been long overdue."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/175616-2015-05-01-semi-news-semi-satire-may-3-2015-edition.htm

[Diogenesis]

Liar, criminal supporter Ron Allen (NBC NoTaxes4US “NEWS”)
announced on national news again that the arsonists,
rioters, and thuggers were ... “high school students”.

No doubt the Crips and Bloods were therefore
Harvard Law School grads.

[Shimmer1]

I knew this was going to be an extra good one! Thanks John! Superlative!

[MeshugeMikey]

ahahaha yes they can...yes they did

[QT3.14]