First Lady Calls for More Stringent Food Regulations

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 March 2014 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Claiming that “America’s moms are confused and bewildered by the task of selecting from a wide array of non-standardized options when it comes to feeding their families,” First Lady Michelle Obama made a plea for more rigorous government control over what’s available for purchase.

“Reading the labels of multiple alternatives for a single food item is, at best, time consuming,” Michelle complained. “Understanding these labels is also daunting. Is there any mom who can be expected to know how to choose wisely?”

The First Lady suggested that “if nutrition experts were to oversee what’s available we could simplify the process of shopping by eliminating the redundancies of stocking more than one product for each food item. Rather than having to weigh which of a half-dozen cans of beans to buy, the shopper could simply decide whether to buy the only available can that has been certified as the best by the experts.”

“Businesses would also benefit from not having to stock so many items,” she added. “This will save time in purchasing inventory. It will reduce the shelf space needed and lower the real estate costs of grocery stores. If we could convert the unneeded floor space into an area for calisthenics the time moms saved by not having to read product labels could be invested in aerobic exercise that would be of far better benefit to their health.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://constitutionclub.org/2014/03/01/semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-76/

[E. Pluribus Unum]

"There's too much freedom going on out there!"

[Darksheare]

Half expected to read reference to her two fisting snack wings and ribs.

[miele man]

NO, but they darn sure can read an EBT card and know exactly what it will buy.

[plainshame]

No one elected this woman to office.

[Vaquero]

Nothing is worse than a disbarred lawyer telling us what is and isn't healthy to eat.

[Michael.SF.]

John, when did you stop doing satire?

;)

[unixfox]

Since when did Moochelle become a lawmaker?

Following the lead of her wife I see.

[Nonsense Unlimited]

Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet.

Why don't you just make your own? If you have a food processor it only takes about 15 minutes and most of that time is spent roasting the peanuts.

[RedMDer]

Please click the secure server link above or by mail to:

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Make it a monthly if you can.

Keep freedom ALIVE!!

Thank you all very much!!

God bless.

GIT-R-DONE!

Make Today, Day 61 the day!

[dalereed]

That fat ugly slob should shut up about food!

[caveat emptor]

Latest though is our quest to find sugar free peanut butter for my diet. I’m going to have to go to one of those hippy dippy health food stores like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.

Give this a try.

[aMorePerfectUnion]

"Don't be confused!! Just eat it, like this."

[primatreat]

Michelle complained. “Understanding these labels is also daunting. Is there any mom who can be expected to know how to choose wisely?”

Maybe she should have it printed in “Obo-onics”

[primatreat]

Damm... She could get a ground hog in that mouth!

[Fireone]

Another work of art, John!
Gubment beans to go with your gubment cheese.

[Mercat]

Actually I”m remembering back now to when I was a hippy. I think I did make my own. LOL I have a food processor. I’ll buy them pre roasted though.

[Talisker]

You know things are bad when even the most absurd satire sounds like aiding and abetting.

[laweeks]

How about hiding food from her so she can get rid of some of that fat!

[BitWielder1]

I hate it when the store owner eliminates my favorite brand of something.
But that's his right. I can complain or I can go to another store.
If the feds limit my selections, there is no one to complain to and nowhere in the country to go instead.

I bet there would be a very strong correlation between political connections and the sanctioned brands but a very weak link with nutritional merit.

[Dick Bachert]

Who appointed Moochelle Dietary Czarina?