[Blood of Tyrants]

Kate Bailey is a hopeless romantic.

[yarddog]

I remember my first date with my future wife. Her best friend and one of my best friends were dating. One afternoon they invited me to go with them to watch Live and Let Die.

When I got to the car there was Ann sitting in the back seat. A pleasant surprise as she was the prettiest girl on campus. I guess everything went OK tho I really don’t remember much. We were married six months later.

[DManA]

Mores change. If you were plopped down 200 years ago you’d think everyone was insane.

[Oatka]

Oldie but goodie (needs some updating).

“Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter”

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can harm you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will harm you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we are supposed to talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[thecodont]

Item 10 is the foundation concept.

These days when a man says he is “dating” a woman it can only mean one thing.

Fifty years ago, dating actually meant items 1 through 9 on that list.

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

As a young feller (who as a rule does not date due to the plethora of other things to do before getting ketched), in my opinion there is too big an emphasis on being "cool."

As the author notes, nobody wants to explicitly admit interest or do anything "romantic," for fear of being labeled clingy, desperate, presuming, or just plain dorky. Generally, whenever you see two people just having a nice time together without awkwardly remaining "super chill," you can generally assume they are Christians.

Also the overarching emphasis on sex. That gets old too.

[ConorMacNessa]

Not exactly on topic, but I couldn't resist:

"Ten Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter"

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

America demands Justice for the Fallen of Benghazi!

O stranger, tell the Lacedaemonians that we lie here, obedient to their command.

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

[afraidfortherepublic]

Excellent. Tomorrow is our 55th anniversary, and all that Kate lists was understood at the time.

[afraidfortherepublic]

Kate forgot one — after the date you must walk her to the door and wait until she gets it unlocked. You do not force your way in, unless you are invited. You do not drop her at the curb and drive away. And when you have teen aged children and you are driving their friends home, the same rule applies. Wait until they get inside before driving off.

[DemforBush]

Hmm, let’s see:

“1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.”

I always do this. I might give a call ahead to let them know I’ll be there in a few minutes, but not going to the door just seems rude to me.

“2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.”

Again, this is something I always seem to do. Dressing sharp for a date is never a bad thing, and it doesn’t have to be suit and tie.

“3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.”

Okay, that one’s not happening. First dates are first dates for a reason, and I’d feel like a dork bringing a corsage or something to someone I don’t know that well yet.

“4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.”

Not an issue for me. I hate dancing, and the only dance I *do* know is the straight white guy “left foot, right foot, left foot again.”

“5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.””

Generally agree, though I have known women who were in that gray area where we kinda hung out as friends and kinda liked each other, too.

“6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.””

Yeah, I think that’s a fair point.

“7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.”

LOL, NO!!! That is just not happening, darlin’.

“8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.”

Seems a no brainer, unless you’re dating an on-call surgeon. Any woman who took a non-emergency call during dinner or whatever would be a woman I would not ask out again.

“9. The general concept of asking permission for things.”

Especially if it involves the use of an eggbeater, or nitrous oxide. /jk

“10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.”

Um, I’m a GUY. It’s kind of in my genetic makeup to at least *hope* for that outcome. :-)

[Vermont Lt]

You’d be surprised. I managed to get two daughters through their teens and into their twenties. I’ve seen most of these at one time or another. The best one was when the newly minted 2lt looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said, “nice to meet you sir.”

My heart melted just a little. I like being called sir.

[NVDave]

This, I take as yet another sign, that women are finding out that the world they created with feminism isn’t exactly what they wanted.

Well, too bad, so sad. Women created this situation. They broke it, they bought it, they own it.

[Rodamala]

When I do these very things, because I have a very traditional way of going about courting, I am treated with what can only be described as suspicion.

The way modern women treat men... like they are the buffoonish men they see on their television set, is a result of culture rot and feminism... It sucks.

[Organic Panic]

As an unmarried bachelor with a good business this advice is bunk. Whoever wrote this has never dealt with an unmarried American woman in the dating realm. I would elaborate but I most certainly would be banned from FR.

[Yorlik803]

I always take flowers or something on a first date.