The 5 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

Ricochet.com ^ | 12/18/13

[Impala64ssa]

With a week to go before the big day, I’ve need to get something off my chest: If I hear Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” again I’m going to convert to Norse paganism, grab a battle-ax and lay waste to the local all-holiday radio station.

The choir of children sing their song! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! ding Ahhhhhhh… "SECURITY! A Viking just killed the board op! Save us from the wrath of the Northmen!"

The ex-Beatle abomination is number one on my list and I can’t even bear to embed the video. But there are other horrifying songs that litter airwaves, malls and waiting rooms in an effort to ruin this time of year.

2. Band Aid "Do They Know Its Christmas"

A common question among early 80s New Romantics was “What do Bob Geldof and Midge Ure think about the birth of Christ?” Unfortunately they answered with a British “all-star” carol featuring heartwarming lines such as:

And the Christmas bells that ring there Are the clanging chimes of doom Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

Just try to enjoy those presents now, you Thatcherite fascists!

3. Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" Springsteen is popular in New Jersey because he always sings about escaping New Jersey. Santa didn’t get the hint and is flying into Newark unless Bruce can ward him off with his gravelly voice and faux stage banter. This song mostly makes the list because I’ve heard it every day of Advent since I discovered radio. Enough.

4. Wham! "Last Christmas" face on a lover with a fire in his heart A man under cover but you tore him apart

George Michael isn’t singing about Santa or the baby Jesus in this one. But occasionally you can hear it hummed in public bathrooms coast to coast.

5. John Lennon "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" In a world of bad ideas, “Hey, let’s ask the atheist to write a Christmas song!” might have the worst results. As the video shows, the proper spelling is “Xmas” and the season needs less decking the halls and more dying children in far-off places. Ex-Beatles and Christmas don't mix.

So those are my picks. What do you think are the worst Christmas songs of all time?

[Old Sarge]

I wholeheartedly agree with your choices of Springsteen, BandAid and Lennon/Ono.

We differ on McCartney.

I haven’t heard Michael’s addition; maybe that’s a good thing.

I would personally like to add to the Kill List:

“Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”
“Jingle Bell Rock”
“Feliz Navidad”

[2CAVTrooper]

I remember on Jeff Dunham’s Christmas Special a few years back the character Peanut said:

Peanut: [about Jose Jalapeno on a Stick] Ya know, I don’t think Jose celebrates Christmas.

Jeff Dunham: You don’t?

Peanut: No. He told me they do something called Navidad...

[audience laughter]

Peanut: ...with some chick named Phyllis.

Jeff Dunham: Feliz Navidad.

Peanut: Yeah, that bitch.

[Scoutmaster]

. . . and the party never ends.

I love Merry Christmas From the Family, but then again, I'm a big fan of REKJr.

[Old Sarge]

The one with George C. Scott is the best

HEARTY AGREE! That one was fantastic.

The other two I enjoy are the musical "Scrooge"with Albert Finney, and Patrick Stewart doing a one-man dramatic reading.

[Boojum]

I owned a store in the Mall for three years. “Holly Jolly Christmas” was every third song on the play list. If I never hear it again it’ll be too soon.

[Old Sarge]

"Jingle Bombs, Jingle Bombs..."

[right way right]

“So this is Christmas”

Yoko vocals kill.

[Shimmer1]

I hate it because it’s sappy and maudlin.

[2CAVTrooper]

3. Most Wonderful Time of the Year. (Scary ghost stories?)

The only time I ever liked that song was when Staples used it in their back to school ads.

The parents all happy skipping along behind the cart full of school supplies, and the kids dragging their feet all broken hearted behind them.

[Sivad]

Must have read thru this thead way too fast
because I haven’t noticed “Grandma Got Run over
by a Reindeer”. Just hate it!

[Cicero]

“All I want for Christmas is you.”

That’s nothing but a rotten take-off of one of my favorite childhood originals, “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI02_UJ1C6I

[Rodamala]

Not what I really consider a "worst Christmas song" but some might.

If it were written today, Ray would have undoubtedly called it "Knockout Game Santa".

Father Christmas

Add in that stupid song by The Waitresses as my vote for top 10 worst... and move that commie Springsteen to #1.

[Shimmer1]

I do too!! That song came to my mind right off when I read the title.

[Jim Noble]

Porky Pig, “Blue Christmas”

[prisoner6]

I have to say some of my best Christmas memories were sitting with friends, barflys, drunks and bar gals in a broken down mom n pop bar around noon on Christmas Eve.

We all sang Here Comes Fatty Claus over and over all afternoon.

Not a song for families but...

Good times.

[donmeaker]

Sign:

........... "For Lease"

Graffiti "Navidad"

[Steve_Seattle]

"Yes, I like it too, it’s one of my fave “lefty” songs."

I don't particularly consider it a "lefty" song. Yes, it is anti-war, but not in any overtly partisan sense, not taking one side against the other, and it never came across to me as preachy or self-righteous. I think it was a genuine hope that war would end. I think that most people agree that war is a bad thing, even if many regard it as a necessary evil. Moreover, the anti-war part is added-on at the end as part of the fadeout, it isn't part of the main lyric.

[Impala64ssa]

Jingle Boms by Achmed the Dead Terrorist Funny stuff ;)

[Steve_Seattle]

"For some rocking Christmas music check out the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Brian and the boys have made Christmas music a bit a niche over the years releasing a bunch of Christmas album and they’re great. There’s something about laying a rockabilly guitar on top of a whole big band orchestra that just....works."

If you like rockabilly, get a copy of the Carl Perkins DVD with Ringo Starr, George Harrison, Eric Clapton, Dave Edmunds, Lee Rocker, and Roseanne Cash (among others). One of the two or three best music DVDs I've ever seen . . .

[Rodamala]

My brother, who lives in Bethlehem, PA, texted me about 3 weeks ago saying a local radio DJ was refusing to play any Christmas request songs until someone called in and requested The Night Santa Went Crazy...

Evevitably, someone did... and thus began Christmas music season in the Lehigh Valley.