Posted on 05/17/2013 3:07:30 PM PDT by SatinDoll
My nephew and his squeeze are talking marriage. They've been childhood sweethearts since 6th grade - they're now both 21. He wants a 'prenup', a prenuptial agreement, and she's never heard of such a thing. Should they have one?
Some background: they are each others best friend and confidant. When he left his grandfather's house after high school graduation to be more independent and encountered roughened circumstances, she supported him while she worked at WalMart, and together they became partners in a business that failed. Nephew moved back home while she went to school. But that's not all - her mother has been supporting her while she went to community college but Mom's work hours have been reduced and my nephew, who now has a good paying job, will be supporting his girlfriend. There is a lot of history in this relationship
So they're discussing getting married.
My nephew's now happily-married half-brother has an ex-wife, and told his baby half-brother to never marry without first getting a 'prenup'.
He asked me, his spinster Auntie with 6 cats, what he should do. Yeah, right! My first instinct would be to avoid commitment and get another cat, but that wouldn't suffice.
I am requesting the help of the world's most extensive and collective group of knowledge on earth, Free Republic, as I have no experience in the area of marriage. Many Freepers do have a great deal of experience with marriage/divorce.
Any practical advice? I know I'll see lots of puns and jokes, not to mention opinions, but useful advice would be greatly appreciated.
“Suppose she files because her husband is cheating?”
Work through it? Shoot the paramour? Look in the mirror and remember the times you put him down? Go to one of the numerous Christian marriage healing programs? Learn to cook? Make your sister and her husband move out and quit mooching? I know one couple that sold everything and moved to another state, and found new jobs, just for a decade to heal the marriage. It worked out great.
Or,,,she could watch that divorce porn chick movie “Fireproof”. Only pretend like SHE is the guy who needs to hustle to save the marriage from the straying spouse?
The imagination runs wild.
A pre-nup is to protect the assets you bring IN to the marriage. It doesn’t sound like it could apply to your nephew.
Can. 1096 §1. For matrimonial consent to exist, the contracting parties must be at least not ignorant that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman ordered to the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation.
Can. 1101 §1. The internal consent of the mind is presumed to conform to the words and signs used in celebrating the marriage.
§2. If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage, the party contracts invalidly.
Can. 1102 §1. A marriage subject to a condition about the future cannot be contracted validly.
I am divorced, not by my choice, and beyond all that I could do. With that, I still entered my second marriage with no prenup. Still lost everything on first...
Prenups are a lousy start unless one starts thinking of marriage as a business deal.
'Sok, we still love you...
You are wise and I thank you. I am gratified that nobody on FR can see my tears.
Marriage is a legal contract. The state sets the default terms of the contract. Without a pre-nup you are accepting ALL of the state’s contract terms and the state will enforce those terms against both partners in the event of a dissolution of the marriage.
A pre-nup establishes one’s own marriage contract terms that override the state terms (where the state allows). A pre-nup is similar in concept to making up ones own vows in lieu of traditional vows: the couple chooses to do things their own way.
I personally STRONGLY recommend that all couples that are going to be married work out a pre-nup agreement that is acceptable to both parties.
A “Catholic” prenup would be prima facie evidence that one does not intend to marry for ever. Which would nullify any purported marriage.
I have a female relative who was married 35 years, the husband cheated, did several other bad things, and she got next too nothing. Our system often rewards the most ruthless person.
I’m sorry to hear that.
My only advice is that you must know you have done everything possible to avoid divorce before getting one.
The peace of mind that brings will serve you in good stead in the difficult times ahead.
If I recall correctly, a pre-nuptial agreement that anticipates divorce makes a sacramental marriage a nullity, at least generally.
sitetest
I always agree with you. But I wonder now, if their is justification for a prenup that only enforces what the marital contract originally did. Today, if one part commits adultery, the law actually punishes the person who didn’t commit adultery.
Ah, I see you were more ambitious than I was and dug up the actual canon. ;-)
Thank God no civil engineer believes as you do.
Neither do us no-so-civil ones!
“A pre-nup is to protect the assets you bring IN to the marriage.”
Not in the State of Colorado. Just the opposite. Personal ownership is well defined for assets owned prior to marriage in Colorado. These are never in dispute. The only property disputable as to division is property acquired DURING the marriage. A pre-nup establishes the ownership of such acquired marital property, in particular, how the ownership may be different than the state defines it absent a pre-nup agreement.
I would have gone with shot in the heart.
Just sayin'...
Yes.
I've advised my daughter to get married, and my son not to.
“Prenups are a game for the wealthy. For normal folks, they are a scheme to make lawyers well to do.”
Legally binding pre-nups are pretty easy to write up yourself, at least they are in Colorado, if you have even half a brain. Lots of prototypes abound on websites. And the state law in Colorado regarding pre-nups is very well done.
No alimony here sport. And as for the equal terms, you couldn’t be more incorrect. They are equal until the instant the marriage is signed. Then it is instantly the most one sided contract known to man.
It would be utterly unthinkable that the same terms would be used in any other financial situation. A lawyer that wrote such a contract up could be sued for malpractice.
Inside marriage, a man is utterly at the mercy of the woman who needs no reason whatsoever to divorce. The entire legal system is designed to empower her.
Be a smart ass if you want, but you are very lucky if you, or someone close to you has not experienced it. You should simply count your blessings at your spouse, rather than insult people who did not have your good luck. And yes, i did say luck. You will say it was hard work and you did it right. But there are many many many, good, decent, kind men, who did everything right, and had women turn cruel, file, loot them, and move on.
Well, there is that picture of you and Laz...
nully *ducking* and sprinting for cover!
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