VANITY - Prenuptial Agreements: Why, and are they necessary?

May 17, 2013 | self

[SatinDoll]

My nephew and his squeeze are talking marriage. They've been childhood sweethearts since 6th grade - they're now both 21. He wants a 'prenup', a prenuptial agreement, and she's never heard of such a thing. Should they have one?

Some background: they are each others best friend and confidant. When he left his grandfather's house after high school graduation to be more independent and encountered roughened circumstances, she supported him while she worked at WalMart, and together they became partners in a business that failed. Nephew moved back home while she went to school. But that's not all - her mother has been supporting her while she went to community college but Mom's work hours have been reduced and my nephew, who now has a good paying job, will be supporting his girlfriend. There is a lot of history in this relationship

So they're discussing getting married.

My nephew's now happily-married half-brother has an ex-wife, and told his baby half-brother to never marry without first getting a 'prenup'.

He asked me, his spinster Auntie with 6 cats, what he should do. Yeah, right! My first instinct would be to avoid commitment and get another cat, but that wouldn't suffice.

I am requesting the help of the world's most extensive and collective group of knowledge on earth, Free Republic, as I have no experience in the area of marriage. Many Freepers do have a great deal of experience with marriage/divorce.

Any practical advice? I know I'll see lots of puns and jokes, not to mention opinions, but useful advice would be greatly appreciated.

[calex59]

In my opinion(which may not be worth much)prenups are an expectation that the marriage will fail. One strike before they even take their vows. Not only that, it sounds as if the woman is bringing as much to the marriage(financially)as he is and just where are the assets this guy wants to protect? I would never marry someone who wants a prenup. If they have no more faith than that, that the marriage will last, I would want nothing to do with them.

[MarkBsnr]

Many of us enter into marriage believing marriage is forever, for better or for worse... only to discover one day that, secretly, our spouses had been harboring other designs all along. So... what about a pre-nuptial agreement that affirms the marriage commitment by including an infidelity clause that applies to both parties? That’s the type of pre-nup I was thinking about. I’d like to see it become the norm among couples because the law today doesn’t take into account the wrongs one spouse can commit on another over and over again.

Matthew 19:9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

The law doesn't care. I had some interesting chats with the principle of the law firm that represented me. But as for me, I put my trust in the Lord, Who has certainly tried me at times as if by fire.

I will resolve to run the race, to persevere until the end. Else, nothing else matters. Your spouse will be as he/she/it is. You are not Judged by your spouse's actions. You are Judged by yours.

[narses]

“I will resolve to run the race, to persevere until the end. Else, nothing else matters. Your spouse will be as he/she/it is. You are not Judged by your spouse’s actions. You are Judged by yours.”

Exactly. I cannot confess for my spouse. Nor can my spouse confess for me.

[old and tired]

If he's looking at his marriage as a contract that can be broken, then yes, he should get a prenup. If he's looking at his marriage as a Christian covenant, then a prenup is a contingency plan in case of failure and is not necessary.

Personally, if one of my kids had wanted to marry someone who demanded a prenup, I'd have told them not to marry. A marriage is for a lifetime. In my book, there is no plan B.

[MarkBsnr]

[JoeFromSidney]

My wife and I were married previously. Both marriages ended with the death of a spouse. Each of us had children and owned property. Neither of us were in any sense wealthy, but we wanted our respective properties to go to our own children (we're both well past the child-bearing age). So we had my attorney draw up a pre-nuptial agreement before we married. Nothing elaborate, but essentially it says that what we brought into the marriage goes to our own children in the event of the death of either of us. I think it was a good idea, and may forestall any disputes among our two families.

[fanfan]

Already happened. It doesn't mean that I get to do evil as well.

I don't remember suggesting that any of us should, MarkBsnr.

My point was that people change, and so it's ok to agree in advance about what people can take out of a marriage, if a breakdown occurs. Particularly when both parties are “only in it for love.” What have they got to lose by agreeing to separation guidelines now, before they marry?

How would they deal with Children, finances, etc.? People don't think about that enough before they make this contract, imo.