5 Marriage Mistakes Women Make That Lead to Divorce

Your Tango Expert's Blog ^ | April 25, 2013 | Nikki Ransom-Alfred

[2ndDivisionVet]

The five common mistakes can drive even the greatest of great husbands away.

There is nothing more beautiful than two people journeying through life together! As women, we can place a lot of emphasis on getting married but not enough on staying married. Here are five common mistakes that women make in marriage that you should be sure to avoid:

1. Nagging. Being nagged by their wives has become so common in marriage that it's become almost expected by men! As a wife, I can say that saddens me especially since nagging is so completely unnecessary! Do not allow yourself to become a stereotypical wife by paying attention to the way that you speak to your husband. Your job as his mate is to uplift him, not bring him down with your words. Speaking to your guy in a positive, loving way will go a lot further than nagging in his ear and fussing at him. An important fact to know is that studies have shown that the male brain does not process the female voice the same way it would another man's voice (Source: Discovery). To have effective communication with our husbands, we should not only remember to watch what we say but also how we say it.

2. Forgetting to be his girlfriend. Continue to be his girlfriend (even if you happen to be his wife). Remember how hard you worked to make sure you were flawless whenever you saw him at the start of your relationship? Don't stop once you get a ring. Keep it sexy. I know that age, pregnancy and other health factors can get our bodies all "out of whack", but we still should keep ourselves looking good for our husbands.

Also, throw away those flannel pajamas that you sleep in....

[BobL]

...and usually not a very fun hobby.

[AllAmericanGirl44]

On your theme, I will only add;
when the sex is good it is 10 % of the marriage (in that it’s not discussed per say, it just works)
and when it’s not good it is 90 % of the problem.
Just something I picked up along the way.

[TalonDJ]

Marriage is dull by nature.

Then you are doing it wrong. Being single was much more dull.

[IronJack]

Three out of the five have to do with sex. This reads like some cheesy Cosmo titillator than true advice on sustaining a marriage. I mean, does this author really think that all husbands care about is their wives’ bodies? i wouldn’t ask my middle-aged wife/mother of three to wear a “sexy” teddy to bed any more than she would ask this spare-tired middle-aged schlub to wear a Speedo. because frankly, my wife would be beautiful to me if she was wearing a home-made gunny sack.

It’s her heart I find attractive, not just the parts of her punished by gravity.

[JimRed]

Have not yet read the piece, but it had better include “I’ll fix him later”. Trying to change their chosen guy is probably a big contributor to the problem.

[TalonDJ]

Well said. A women might say. 'Not to night Honey' but the man hears. 'you don't matter to me'.

However, you said: But the temptation was there and it shouldn't have been

Temptation will always be there. We just have to deal with it. However, I agree with the point you were making there. There is a lot that she can do to make that temptation better or worse. Temptation it self however is in the eye of the tempted. Even men married to supermodels sometimes cheat. The grass is always greener. You have to chose to stop looking over the fence. Or course those points about a woman not taking care of herself lead back to the first point I made. When she does not bother with all that we hear, "you aren't worth the effort of me trying to be pretty." And that is very damaging.

[Darren McCarty]

6-10. Don’t try and fix me later.

[nothingnew]

I thought the biggest mistake would be - instead of letting husband be himself, the wife alwasy tries to change him to what SHE wants him to be? Is that nagging? I don’t think nagging covers it.

You have nailed it, from a twice divorced 62 year old husband, now happily married to a fine woman for 20 years. She doesn't try to change me and I don't try to change her...we are perfect..LOL

FMCDH(BITS)

[John O]

exactly correct

[ro_dreaming]

I would presume “Stop having sex with your husband” is the same as #2 - “Quit being his girlfriend”.

/I’m not cheated on, nor divorced, but I can certainly understand why it happens. My wife has decided that sex is not a priority, or in fact, going to happen at all. We’re early to mid 40’s, and frankly, working at a university makes the “whoa” factor difficult. I’ve asked her to see doctor(s), and even asked to set up counseling with one of our pastors, but so far, it’s not happened. My wife tells me “Love you”, or “Thanks Babe”, and all I feel is regret - if she’s going to talk like that - then act like it, too. Actions speak louder than words. It’s been almost a calendar year since we were last together, and is the chief reason why I started drinking so heavily, and so often. I’ve fixed that (quit drinking altogether), but this can’t go on.

I’m doing the praying thing, that’s for sure, asking God to fix me, or fix her - because life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be more abundant, exceedingly good.

[PapaBear3625]

All excellent points. And all essential to the long term health of the marriage. But NONE of them are specific to marriage. To some very large extent all men get married to get laid. Sex is a central part of the marriage. Why would we put up with all the hassles (waiting an hour for someone to get ready just to run to the store, having to share a bathroom, having to remember birthdays anniversaries, favorite colors, having to mess with the toilet seat etc etc etc) if it's a platonic relationship?

All your points can be done with friends and even in a marriage if all these points are done, but she is not doing the first five, then the marriage is in serious trouble.

Well said.

[PapaBear3625]

I’m not cheated on, nor divorced, but I can certainly understand why it happens. My wife has decided that sex is not a priority, or in fact, going to happen at all. We’re early to mid 40’s, and frankly, working at a university makes the “whoa” factor difficult. I’ve asked her to see doctor(s), and even asked to set up counseling with one of our pastors, but so far, it’s not happened. My wife tells me “Love you”, or “Thanks Babe”, and all I feel is regret - if she’s going to talk like that - then act like it, too. Actions speak louder than words. It’s been almost a calendar year since we were last together, and is the chief reason why I started drinking so heavily, and so often. I’ve fixed that (quit drinking altogether), but this can’t go on.

I believe in the philosophy of "Ignore what she says, watch what she does".

My definition of "love", is "being willing to make an effort, or pay a price, in order to enhance the life of another". You can measure how much a person really loves you, by how much time and effort she's willing to expend on enhancing your happiness.

If you've made clear to her that sex is what makes you happy, and she's not interested, then that means she's not interested in making you happy.

I've had more than one friend whose wife lost interest in sex with him, only to discover that she was still interested in sex, just not with him.

[CatherineofAragon]

"# 1 Be more selective of the person that you choose to marry."

By all means. And get to know each other thoroughly before you take that atep.

I'd also add---ladies, it won't hurt you to learn to cook and have a meal on the table for your husband. My ex sister-in-law (married to my husband's brother) used to take their son and leave the house for a fast food meal most nights. She would tell her husband to get whatever he could find to eat.

[servantboy777]

How bout, let the man....be the head of the household.

Holy scripture lays out the way things should be. With modern day feminism, we've witnessed an explosion in divorce.

Let the guy be the protector, bread winner, spiritual leader. STOP making lil wussy’s out of our male kiddo's. Teach a boy to grow up and be a man!

Two captains attempting to drive the ship ultimately results in the ship on the rocks.

I for one would like to see more traditional male/female roles in marriage.

[NVDave]

#1 mistake that leads to divorce: Marry the wrong woman. Men, don’t marry the wrong woman. If you keep your large head in control of the situation, you’ll know who the wrong women are.

#2 mistake that leads to divorce: Getting married in the first place.

Today, with the law stacked as absurdly as it is against men in family and divorce courts, I tell young men (under the age of 30 or so) “Don’t get married. I don’t care how much she says she loves you. She can strip you of your rights with a claim of domestic violence to the police or a court, and she can give you a life of penury and misery in divorce court. Do you want to take a chance of ruining the rest of your life?”

[ro_dreaming]

At this point, I’d be happy if she was cheating; at least then I would know it’s me. But for a mid-40’s woman to just lose all interest isn’t right. And not wanting to see a doctor about it, isn’t either.

Like I said, I’m just gonna pray about it, and before too long, I’m going to schedule the counselling session, with or without her.

[Billthedrill]

Dunno, I’m a confirmed bachelor, but I can state that playing videogames over his shoulder during sex is a little off-putting...

[Sir Napsalot]

(What happened?) Usually within the hour I get women berating me, claiming that vice versa also holds true that men should not try to “change” their wives to be more like their mothers.

[Yossarian]

#2 mistake that leads to divorce: Getting married in the first place.

You take that attitude, and a culture of no children or fatherless children results. Which is exactly what's happening in the West.

Fix the problem, don't perpetuate it!

[Hegewisch Dupa]

it does happen sometimes, and a doctor isn’t always the answer - someone doesn’t want to want someone because of what comes out of a pill bottle