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Brief History of the World: Where Liberals (and Conservatives) Came From...
Reaganite Republican ^
| 21 January 2013
| Reaganite Republican
Posted on 01/21/2013 9:17:10 AM PST by Reaganite Republican
For those that don't know about history,
here's the condensed version...
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer, then would head down to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were
1 the invention of beer and 2 the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1 Liberals and 2 Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night... while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men.
Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass, for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. Tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, bikers and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Conversely, Liberals produce little or nothing. Rather, they like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing...
TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: conservatives; funny; joke; liberals
To: AdvisorB; ken5050; sten; paythefiddler; narses; gattaca
*** PING ***
Any who’d like to be added to the RR ping-list, pls FReepmail me at ‘Reaganite Republican’ -TIA!
3
posted on
01/21/2013 9:23:55 AM PST
by
Rio
(Tempis Fugit.)
To: Reaganite Republican
"Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller."
This Conservative won't touch that pig-swill! There are plenty of good craft-beers made in the USA and no one should have to drink that mass-market garbage!
Keep Faith with the Fallen of Benghazi! Let the Obama Regime, for once, tell the Truth!
Fiat Justitia, Ruat Coelum!
Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!
Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)
4
posted on
01/21/2013 9:32:38 AM PST
by
ConorMacNessa
(HM/2 USN, 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
To: ConorMacNessa
I agree on the beer, ha ha
Just reciting the joke as I was told it...
To: Reaganite Republican
Understood, FRiend!
Keep Faith with the Fallen of Benghazi! Let the Obama Regime, for once, tell the Truth!
Fiat Justitia, Ruat Coelum!
Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!
Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)
6
posted on
01/21/2013 11:30:44 AM PST
by
ConorMacNessa
(HM/2 USN, 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
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