Posted on 11/23/2011 4:26:02 PM PST by Charles Henrickson
It's a Thanksgiving tradition around these parts: the various threads about DUmmies dealing with their right-wing relatives at family gatherings. The dread of it beforehand. The plans for how to use the occasion to confront or convert. And the after-action reports of how it all turned out. Today we take up an "I'm dreading it" thread, i.e., this THREAD by DUmmie Cyrano, "Thanksgiving dinner + wingnut relatives = a horrible day."
So let us now go over the river and through the woods to DUmmieland, in Cranberry Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who, strangely, thinks that Thanksgiving Day is about giving thanks to God, is in the [brackets]:
Thanksgiving dinner + wingnut relatives = a horrible day
[Undergrounder and the Terrible, Horrible, CyraNo Good, Very Bad Day.]
I have two wingnut in-laws who will be at Thanksgiving dinner and they always want to talk politics.
[Good. Maybe they'll talk some sense into you.]
There's just no way I can avoid it. I've considered faking a heart attack or stroke to escape this ordeal, but I doubt if I'd get away with it.
[Well then, don't fake it. Have a real heart attack or stroke. If you can't manage that, get a dog to bite you or something. Whatever. Sunstroke. Use your imagination.]
They are against everything that most sane people believe in.
[Think of it: They are AGAINST the government taking our money away and spending it on unconstitutional wealth-redistribution schemes, and taxing us out the wazoo, and driving businesses out of business, and driving up the debt into the trillions for generations to come! They're AGAINST that! Some really CRAAAAZY wacko stuff!]
They are intolerable dittoheads and Fox "News" addicts. And they are people I really don't want to be on the same planet with.
[Astral project yourself onto Uranus.]
I can usually avoid them most of the year, but this is one day I'm stuck with. Maybe I'll get lucky and choke to death on some cranberry sauce.
[One can hope.]
I've often asked myself why I put up with it.
[It's the free food. You like being able to mooch off your relatives. I bet you even take all the turkey skin.]
There's no arguing a different point of view with them, but I'd really like to tell them to shut their stupid f***ing mouths.
[Oh, go for it. Just try to be tactful. "Excuse me, my dear wingnut relatives. Would you kindly shut your stupid f***ing mouths?" Try that, and get back to me.]
However, that would cause irreparable damage within my family with which I'm very close.
[Possibly. . . . But be sure to say "kindly." "Would you KINDLY shut your stupid f***ing mouths?" That will lessen the blow.]
I'm sure that some of you have the same problem. . . .
[Let's find out, shall we?]
Folks probably should avoid talking about politics on holidays. Not much good comes of it.
[No, no! Make the most of the opportunity! Confront! Convert! OCCUPY Thanksgiving!]
They're zombies. No longer living in the here and now. . . . More than a little bit scarey. . . .
[Night of the Living Red.]
Get an ipod/phone and just listen to some podcasts the whole day.
[The Pod People.]
Please don't choke on your cranberry sauce. They aren't worth it.
[That crummy ambrosia salad that Aunt Wilma always makes? Yeah, that's about all they're worth. So choke on that instead.]
Too bad "To-Go" isn't an option.
[Drive up to Grandma and Grandpa's window and ask them to throw a plate out to you.]
Tell them the turkey reminds them of the GOP candidates. . . .
[Obama reminds me of creamed arugula.]
Some electric brownie's could go a long way. Or electric popcorn - made with special butter.
[Better Thanksgiving through chemistry.]
I actually enjoy engaging my inlaws in person. . . . they have nowhere to go and are armed with a rubber knife at a ninja fight ---- if they start up tomorrow I'm gonna make sushi out of any parts left over after I grind them to hamburger.
[DUmmie MedicalAdmin, you are a shining light slinging hash in the kitchen of English! Congratulations, you win the Mixed Metaphor Award of the Day®!]
I have nothing BUT wingnuts in my family, so we two will be sharing a quiet Thanksgiving at home. Alone.
[DUmmie DCKit talks to himself a lot. It's developed into "we two."]
I'd have dinner at a Chinese buffet.
[Watch out for the Huntsman crowd.]
if dinner with them simply cannot be escaped (spousal expectations or something) -- I would suggest just staring at them fixedly, silently, with a mixture of sympathy and revulsion -- the look you probably have on your face while watching a cat cast up a hairball.
[You know, that DUmb, blank look you normally have.]
They: Blah blah blah clinton's dick....blah blah blah Kenyan....blah blah blah libruls...
Me: (Lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng Pause).......................You know that is the most ridiculous thing you've said... except for everything else you have ever said. (sit back in chair and stare at your fork)
[Fork them.]
take some print visuals..could be an opportunity...forget debate...take printed facts in your casserole dish
[Stick a PowerPoint in your buns.]
the OP could have an educational dinner theater. . . . "This turkey represents the amount of wealth that is currently held by the one percent in this country. And the amount of wealth that the 99 have is represented by...this soggy cube of stuffing." Then you could keep repeating and pointing at the food, "One percent...turkey...99 percent...stuffing. And again! Turkey one percent...stuffing 99 percent..." Maybe after an hour of those yummy visuals--they will finally get it.
[After an hour of this, your relatives will be ready to knock the stuffing out of you.]
stay on the attack
[Just be careful when Uncle Fred pulls out the pepper spray.]
A turkey leg across the mouth of right-wing relatives is my solution
[Poultry in motion.]
Our son flew back from LV to spend the holiday with us. Monday being our anniversary, we waited until last night to celebrate with him. Tonight, with my wife closing the store, he and I headed for our local pizza restaurant where I introduced him to the owner and we spent 3 great hours trading stories, enjoying a few beers, and having fun. Tomorrow, he and I are doing the stuffing and cheddar potatoes while my wife does the turkey. Others are bringing the balance of the feast.
Why people want to grumble and go crazy over this holiday, when it makes it possible for family to get together in love, is beyond me. My son is more liberal than I am, but he’s younger and is coming around. One of the people we spent time with tonight is pretty liberal, but it was spent in old stories and good friendship.
People like these DUmmies show just how insignificant they are to human interaction. !!HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! to all, and to all a safe holiday.
These braggards are always the ones who sit at the table stuffing their faces with food other people bought and prepared, and saying nothing whatever. They leave all their so-called courage at their computer keyboards.
Ahhhh...the classic!
Fra-gee-lee.
Gotta get it out and watch once again or it won’t seem like
the holidays! :)
There, being extremely non-PC, I just had to fix that for you. Apologies if you had more kind thoughts........
I have a niece and nephew who are leftists. She is mostly apolitical and he’s just a skull~of~mush. Three years ago he ‘found’ his voice in the wake of Øbozo’s imaculation and launched into a pipsqueak tirade at the dinner table.
We let him go on, partly because we were impressed that he would stand up to an entire house full of conservatives, and partly for the amusement factor that we saw in store.
After he wore himself out with his boasts that “a new day had dawned” (and all that crap) one of my brothers asked him for predictions. Naturally they were all pie in the sky. Then we each took a turn offering up assessments of what we thought one year, two years, and three years might look like.
Not one thing did he get right.
We reassessed the next Thanksgiving and had some fun at his expense. He hasn’t attended since.
I miss messing with him ;-)
BTTT
Happy Thanksgiving.
Too many pearls here to pick just one!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and all. :)
Just... wow. So, the whole family thinks different than you two and yet THEY are the wingnuts? It's probably good that you ARE staying home.
You can't just talk about football and Christmas or what's been going on and avoid politics for a 3 or 4 hour visit? That pretty sad...and pathetic.
I have a cousin on Facebook that I am about to unfriend for the 3rd time because the guy is Dem Underground politics every freakin' post. He just can't take a day off.
I feel sorry for people like that.
Isn’t that child abuse - having kids listen to Libs at their kid’s table? I’d put them at thetown dump.
Some electric brownie's could go a long way. Or electric popcorn - made with special butter.Okaaaay?!? I'm sure that means something.
btw Charles, great graphic. Can't recall ever seeing it.
[A Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours :-)]
Yup, take those DUmmie talking points from chriss tingles matthews. That'll show 'em. I'm glad we don't have any left wing lunatics to deal with on holidays.
Happy Thanksgiving!!
You should offer him money to attend, it would be entertaining to get his current predictions.
Hash or weed mixed in with the brownies would be my guess.
My problem wasn’t politics at Thanksgiving. It was TOOOOOO MANY people. Originally it was just my wife, me, and 5 in-laws. Then my wife invited her friend and her husband PLUS their parents. I threw a fit since I am the one doing the cooking and one turkey wouldn’t have been enough. Also several tables would have been needed and the whole place would have been overcrowded. Fortunately, my wife’s friends decided not to come (WHEW!) so now there will only be 7 of us. So that is my Thanksgiving...giving THANKS that too many many people will NOT be showing up.
Just a thought but maybe everyone could put politics aside for a couple of hours and be thankful for everything they have?
That’s my rule. If any of these peckerheads in the DU thread pulled this crap at my gathering, they go out the door. I’ll still give them food, but theirs would be “to go” on a paper plate with plastic silverware and paper napkins.
That’s why nobody ever gets into it at my gatherings.
Sounds good to me. What time’s dinner and what can I bring?
Almost all my old friends are liberals (I evolved, they stayed the same). I enjoy arguing with them and they with me. It never gets rancorous. I mostly ask questions until I’ve led them into some logically impossible position and then just let the truth sink in. They’re usually pretty good natured about being completely wrong. Lately they’ve been complaining about Obama, so I’ve switched to playing devil’s advocate and pointing out all the big liberal projects he’s gotten going like collectivized medical care. They’re starting to grasp that buyer’s remorse is real.
:^)
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