Posted on 11/10/2011 1:02:25 PM PST by JoeA
Found this on iChat and thought it was worth sharing.
DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWS
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like . . . these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OBAMANOMICS: You had two cows. They used to produce milk, but are now underwater. You try to eat one, but the government steps in and tells you it’s unhealthy to do so. They then rape your cows and attempt to eat them themselves.
We are Representative Republic not an AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, otherwise funny.
I think the harmonica lessons should be voluntary...
CORRECTION:
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows and sell milk to your two neighbors. The incoming candidate promises a cow to your neighbors as well. Out-voted, come to find you have been taxed a half of the value of each of your cows in order to fulfil this campaign promise. Just as you discover the bloodied halves of your two cows in the barn you learn your children now owe China fifteen times the value of each of your cows. Baffled by the bloody messes on their front lawns, your infuriated neighbors nevertheless call to ask you why you’re late delivering their milk, and announce they’re “Marching on Wall Street”.
Obama owns 2 cows, BIG SIS & BIG STATE. He milks them for all they’re worth to fundamentally transform the nation.
Correction :
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as it thinks you need.
That's what your story of 2Cows reminded me of.
ITALIAN SYSTEM: You have two cows. Somewhere. No one can find them. You break for lunch. Life is good.
FRENCH SYSTEM: You tell the government you have two cows. It pays you for the milk you say they produce. You leave early and go to your mistress' house.
RUSSIAN SYSTEM: You have two cows. The mafia takes them from you, then forces you to pay the criminals to milk them. The mafia sells the milk to Wal*Mart.
GERMAN SYSTEM: You have two cows. They have to listen to Wagner all day. They stop giving milk and instead produce napalm. No one will drink it.
The reality in 2011:
POLISH SYSTEM: You had three cows. One of them died from a dental infection, one moved to Northern Cyprus and is DEFINATELY a prostitute, the other moved to Moscow and is PROBABLY working as a prostitute. They do not send money.
ITALIAN SYSTEM: You have two cows. One of them has worms, the other fleas. You blame Silvio Berlusconi and do nothing.
FRENCH SYSTEM: You have two cows. They now wear Burqa. Milking them is a stoning offense. Vive la France!
RUSSIAN SYSTEM: “Cows.” So you are missing your cows? Why are you worrying about cows? They are yours, they are theirs, no matter. Shut up about these matters and polish Valdinsky’s car or we get in trouble.
GERMAN SYSTEM: Der Cows know that they help comprise the only healthy economy in the Eurozone. As you watch them you know that they secretly want to dominate and conquer all other cows, but as is always the case you are only willing to give them the pathetic Italians.
ISRAELI SYSTEM: “Keep your stupid cows. Ours are better anyway. They produce 7% more milk and 2.4% more meat. In the desert. Now move, I have to go somewhere.”
At least it isn’t bagpipes.
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