Posted on 07/24/2011 7:31:13 AM PDT by flowerplough
A few weeks ago I mentioned the high school graduation of my 17-year-old daughter, Emily. In this post I will mention that, in 11 days, she is getting married. Remember my column about the boy who asked me a question about dating that sparked one of the most responded to WORLDmag.com debates of 2010? Yep, that’s him.
Commence the tomato throwing.
But before you start in, know that the decision to allow this did not come easily.
In February I read an article in The Wall Street Journal written by David Lapp. In it he argued that getting married young has its advantages. Granted, he married at 22 and at time of writing was a tender and understandably defensive 23. But he had some good points: Just because, statistically, marrying later seems to work better, is marrying young necessarily a harbinger of future marital disaster?
No, says University of Texas sociology professor Mark Regnerus, author of Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying. Although many young people are bucking the trend of marrying later and later, waiting until they are settled in their careers, have the money to buy a home, or are otherwise “set up” to marry, Regnerus says having life planned out perfectly beforehand doesn’t necessarily lead to a long and fulfilling marriage.
(Excerpt) Read more at online.worldmag.com ...
And the maxiskirt/peasant-blouse/no-makeup fundamentalist hippies wiggle their way up outa the woodwork at World magazine every once in a while, hayna? Or no?
“marrying later seems to work better”
It certainly does if you’re in the military. Almost without exception, military service members who get hitched before or during their first enlistment and are under 24 WILL get divorced. Even for those couples who “stick together” their youth causes innumerable problems. Soldiers are stationed thousands of miles from home and are on deployment. Thus the spouse, oftentimes a naive 18 year old woman, find themselves all alone without any support system. Recipe for trouble right there. When these young couples fight, which they WILL do, the soldier’s ability to function in the unit is severely tarnished. And then there is the sensitive but tragic statistic of child neglect from overwhelmed under the age of 24 spouses.
Bottom line - the military should go back to the policy of outlawing marriages for the troops till their second enlistment. Once the solider has put some time in the service and has a better understanding of how a family will be affected (along with the maturity that comes from serving your country for four years) will such issues be reduced.
I married young and I remembered some of my classmates did too.
At our reunion - those of us who were “never going to make it” were still together.
It wasn’t perfect - we were immature and hotheaded. We had children - which snapped us out of it.
We grew up together -matured together.
When I look at people my age who never married, and are still looking - they seem to have a long list of requirements they want in the perfect mate. A list which no one is going satisfy.
What’s the problem, she’s out of school and has shown good decision making or they wouldn’t have considered it. I was married at 15, it’s worked out well and I am glad I had my children at an early age. I cannot stomache these 40+ women with new borns.
I got married at 21 to the man I knew since I was 5 years old. We dated other people in high school and college and found our way back together. We’ll be married 29 years in October.
Was it easy, NO. Was it fun, YES. We look back on those times as some of the best. We struggled to pay off student loans and other bills, find careers and jobs that fit, started saving for future, and had a great time building our lives together.
The caveat in our marriage is that we didn’t have a child until we were married 10 years. We had ten years to travel, play, work, and grow before welcoming a child into our lives. I think that made us better spouses and better parents.
Same here, I was 17 my husband was 23. Next Dec we will have been married for 53 years. It has all been good, would not change a minute of it.
What did I, or any other woman who gives birth over age 40, ever do to hurt you? Needing to hate on others because their lives aren't exactly like yours is incredibly leftist.
Agree Scotswife, we got married in 1978, I was 18, she was 21, still together and as you said so are many of our friends from that time period.
Personally, I think a successful, early marriage has to do with the people rather than an age. For example, I married at 26 and that could be considered “old” to some. However, I can honestly say that at 18, I wasn’t ready. I was still a very young “child” at heart. Even at 21, I was a significantly different person than my mid 20’s. Also, the guys I dated in my late teens and early adulthood WERE NOT the “one” for me. Love comes when it is ready, I guess. Just a thought.
“I cannot stomach these 10+ women with newborns”.
So, do you recommend they abort? Women have been having children for centuries past what you think is “normal”. My grandmother had my Dad at 50 and her Mother had her 13th child at 49. I would much prefer a woman have a child when she is ready than to have a child as a teen when other people think that is a good age for her. Sheesh!
I don’t see any difference in making a mistake in judgement when you’re old or young. I was a the last one of my graduating class to marry and the first to get a divorce. I had a career, my independence for five years, and a relationship with my future husband for three years. It didn’t mean my judgement was more mature. It just made me more the spoiled princess my Daddy had raised.
I still didn’t have the judgement to understand I had a relationship all on the surface. I had a relationship with a good old boy that looked like Rock Hudson and was the envy of all my friends. I never checked him for a heart or brains. Or realized that he was a 26 year old momma’s boy who had never functioned on his own. He remained dependent on his mom and dad for everything for going on eleven more years before I woke up and realized I was raising three children instead of just the two I brought in the world in the meantime. Raising an adult child is much more exhuating and drains the heart as the love goes out but never gets replenished.
And yes, even though my Dad gave me wise counsel before the wedding, I already had too much invested in the relationship to let it go. Perhaps I was one of the stupid ones that thought I could ‘change’ a 26 year old man.
Counsel your children well all their lives in the art of good judgement so when they sail their ship their eyes are open to see the bed they are about to make and sleep in.
And that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it! lol
There’s such a thing as a trade off. You got married at 15. Had kids pretty soon after I take it. Somehow I doubt you attended Med School or got an MBA. Those 40 yr old women you despise might have put off having kids for that goal. Again - a trade off. However thanks to technological advances they CAN have it both ways - a career AND a family. And I don’t know about you but I’d much rather prefer a 40 something woman with an established job raising a kid with her own money than a 15 year old with mine.
It is natural for healthy women with functioning husbands to have children well into their 40s, especially in these days of later menopause.
Hmm,
Let me guess. . .
You and your spouse were taught Christian concepts of marriage. - Maybe even by example.
Agreed! I would much prefer a couple to have kids when they are ready than when I see a teen Mom feeding french fries to a six month old (yes... I saw this last week at a McDonalds). Years ago, women were considered “old maids” if they didn’t marry before 21. People can argue over extended childhood and all that but in today’s culture, most (not all) teens aren’t ready financially, emotionally or psychologically to raise a child IMHO. There may be some but they are the exception rather than the rule.
Wife and me married in 1977. I was 19. She was 17 and a month past graduation. We just celebrated our 34th.
Gee, I apologize. I’m so sorry for offending you by giving birth for the second time at 40. Please forgive me. Don’t know what I was thinking. I certainly shouldn’t have done that—didn’t realize the offense I was causing. I should have aborted my son, obviously.
For heterosexual couples it takes all kinds and everyone has their own path.
I don’t think there is a one size fits all right and wrong about the age a heterosexual couple should decide to get married. There are pros and cons to the decision to marry young and to marry old.
My career is/was my family. Raising wonderful productive human beings and being a real partner with my husband. My world is my home and property. I never wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or anything else. I am very happy. I contributed to my community in many ways, still do.
get off your high horse, no one said anything about the abortion thing. Why do you supose I had my kids at a young age - because I would not have one - duh. It’s my opinion, geez I do not force it on you or any one else.
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