Posted on 11/29/2010 3:26:07 PM PST by PJ-Comix
William Rivers Pitt has vowed to quit smoking. Since he made this pledge yesterday in this THREAD, "I. Am. Trying. To. Quit. Smoking." it means he has probably already relapsed and is sucking up the cancer fumes like a hungry vacuum. Pitt's unhealthy smoking habits have already been the subject of a DUFU EDITION last year when it was noticed that his vocal chords are being eaten away by nicotine which will most likely lead to a hole in the throat operation. You can HEAR just how deteriorated Pitt's throat was which was so raspy back then that I figure that by now he is only about a thousand packs away from getting that hole in his throat. Since Pitt smokes at least 3 packs per day, that gives him only another year until his date with that throat hole. The good news for Pitt, is that after his operation, he will have a "hole" new career as a SINGING COWBOY. So let us now watch Pitt as he desperately tries to quit tobacco in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, whose lungs remain as pinkly pure as that of an innocent Mormon, is in the [brackets]:
I. Am. Trying. To. Quit. Smoking.
[You. Have. Already. Relapsed.]
After. 20. Years.
[So despite ALL the warnings on every pack of cigarettes you JUST NOW have decided to quit smoking after all these years? What caused the need to quit? Hearing the sound of your own voice which have been eaten away by cancerous fumes?]
I. Am. Officially. An. Insane. Person. Now.
[You. Were. Officially. Insane. Long. Ago.]
Need. Lounge. Vibes. Desperately.
[Let's drop the pretenses. You need a CANCER STICK right now! Light 'er up and suck down those unhealthy fumes! Inhale deeply and hold it in your lungs until the smoke permeates every last pore.]
Must. Now. Go. Outside. And. Gnaw. Down. Trees. Like. A. Beaver.
[Like. A. Li'l. Beaver.]
Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh. Argh.
[We pause now as Pitt coughs up cancerous phlegm which drools down his shirt.]
(and the weirdest part is that I'm coughing now more than I ever did when I smoked...and you don't want to know what I'm coughing up...bleh...)
[Let me guess. Chunks of diseased lungs?]
(...sorry, TMI...)
(...bleh...)
[Bleh! Heh! Heh! Heh! And now to the rest of the DUmmies...]
Patch - cheap one at the grocery store. I have made two more attempts this month. This weekend I had 3 smokes from Thursday to this morning. The patch works. You do have to get over the "Taking a break" aspect of smoking and the dreams you have if you wear it at night can be beyond VIVID. I am having some today and then quitting tomorrow for good.
[So 3 tries this month and you relapsed 3 times in your latest attempt just since Thursday. Not exactly a great track record there yet you somehow think you will quit for good tomorrow. I smell RELAPSE here for sure.]
There is always the substitution method. Exercise, heroin, crack...weed, shock therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, bungee jumping, running, tabata, etcetera.
[Pitt can do the weed, heroin and crack part for sure.]
I quit 15 years ago but I had help. I think it's called Chantix now.
[Are you sure it isn't called Crack now?]
Chantrix scares me. My friend's brother is an airline pilot, and the FAA banned the stuff for any working pilots. If you have even a whiff of a psychological imbalance, that stuff has the potential to send you pinwheeling.
[Which means you would be pinwheeling up the walls, Pitt, and screaming about the rise of the Third American Empire.]
You can do it! You will cough up horrible stuff for many days, but you will get through.
[Pitt coughs up horrible stuff whenever he posts his overlong TruthOut columns.]
Best of luck! You will thank yourself in 20 years when you are still alive and breathing!
[...Through your throat hole.]
good luck -- it's not easy but if you make it -- oy -- will you have something to crow about. -- it's a big deal.
[Pitt had more than his share of crow to eat following May 12, 2006.]
The last cigarette I had was...Sept. 13, 2010, haven't had one since. I know, I know I'm a newbie, but I figured I'd tell you what helped me. Pretzel rods,
[Chewing on Pretzel rods? Is that you Ben Burch?]
On a side note, quitting pot is much easier, so maybe switch to that for awhile.
[And if that doesn't work, maybe switch to crack.]
My goddaughter made it a day and a half until this afternoon before getting another pack.
[She probably beat Pitt's endurance record.]
Good luck, Will. Quit on Inauguration Day after 15 years of smoking.
[Ironically the Inauguration Day of a president who CAN'T quit smoking.]
Why does he have 3 feet in that picture?
You have 23 years on me (though I didn’t start till 1973) May 27, 1994, but I still want one sometimes. Mostly when I’m thinking through a problem.
And you are so right about booze and cigs!! I didn’t go to bar until years after I quit.
Sneak. A. Fag.
Dig out the ol' dance pad, Willie:
Pot for Pitt.
Weed Willie.
Bong Piper Pitt.
Ya know, I may not like the Purple Prose Pied Piper, but I bear him no malice.
When you hear that quitting smoking is harder than quitting Heroin, I imagine it is true (did the former, never the latter).
Quitting smoking after 30 years was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I did it by a combination of Nicitrol inhalers and Zyban. But it was really, really difficult. And the 2nd smartest thing I ever did in my life.
Good luck Will — we would like to have you around to mock for a long, long time.
a president who CAN'T quit smoking.
Barry tried a nicotine patch on his lip, but he yanked it off . . .
Look what happened . . .
Pitt, let this be a warning to you.
what image are you referring to? I didn’t see one - every once in a while that happens and I’m trying to figure out what is blocking certain images on my PC when using Firefox. I’m off to try with IE for a minute...
Any help would be appreciated!
never mind, now it shows once the page refreshed after I hit the post button.
Yeah, that is creepy. What’s creepier is that he reminds me of a good friend in that pic (looks-wise anyhow).
Willie Nelson Will Likely Go to Jail for Pot Bust, Expert Says
By Hollie McKay
Published November 29, 2010
FoxNews.com
Willie Nelson was arrested in Sierra Blanca, Texas on Friday for possession of six ounces of pot. As a result, the country music legend faces as many as two years behind bars.
“If the Texas prosecutors do not reduce the charges, and the marijuana's weight is indeed six ounces, then he is dealing with felony and a potential minimum of 180 days in a county jail and a maximum of two years, with a $10,000 fine,” explained former California-based prosecutor, Robin Sax.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/11/29/willie-nelson-likely-face-jail-pot-bust-expert-says/?test=faces
[You. Have. Already. Relapsed.]
Stuff. Like. This. Would. Require. A. [Vanity Alert]. Added. To. The. Title. On. FR.
As an ex smoker once told me, if you remember the day you last smoked, you will likely return to that habit.
Sounds like someone I know - quit one morning and was smoking the next afternoon.
[Ironically the Inauguration Day of a president who CAN'T quit smoking.]
Being around someone like M. O. would make anyone smoke.
[Let's drop the pretenses. You need a CANCER STICK right now! Light 'er up and suck down those unhealthy fumes! Inhale deeply and hold it in your lungs until the smoke permeates every last pore.]
Nah. This guy is an attention whore. What he craves is attention (even more than his cancer sticks...).
I quit when I began having my heart problems (back in ‘85’). But I didn’t smoke cigarettes, only a pipe and cigars. My wife quit back in ‘96 and hasn’t smoked since.
I too will have an occasional cigar or pipe (I think I’ve had 3 cigars this year, maybe double that on the pipe). But that’s during the summer when I can sit in the back yard.
As for bourbon, I’ll take it with or without the smoke. Ain’t gonna quit that...
Does he not realize how many lives his quitting will cost with people starving for lack of welfare funds?
How many government workers will be denied their rightful salary raises?
What a cold-hearted beast!
But, unless he smokes in a "Cone of Smoke" isolation chamber his second hand smoke will kill untold millions!
What is a conscientious liberal to do?
Horror of Horrors! What to do?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.