Posted on 09/15/2010 7:31:17 AM PDT by Sad Hill
Northwestern University professor, Kristian Hammond, received more than $700,000 in federal stimulus money to develop software that tells jokes. Hammond says it’s serious work.
“Understanding what makes humor, what makes irony, what makes interesting juxtapositions, to understand what that means [then] actually create it," said Hammond.
WLS-TV reports, “The material generated so far is not exactly killer standup material, and Hammond's critics certainly aren't laughing. Senator John McCain singled out Hammond's project, calling it a ‘joke machine’ — one of many examples of wasteful spending.”
Hammond received the funding after he applied to the National Science Foundation, beating out dozens of other applicants.
"The same technology could be used to write scientific papers," said Hammond. "We have nothing but anticipation that this will actually create more and more jobs."
(Excerpt) Read more at sadhillnews.com ...
This reminds me of something.
This is a joke, right?
This is a joke right?
You beat me by 11 seconds.
:)
Dr Venkman has found a new academic gig I see.
“So this researcher walks into the National Science Foundation.......”
How many PHDs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I paid $700,000 for the answer. It better be good.
An Isaac Asimov story comes true. The scientists discover that our sense of humor is an alien experiment, and suddenly realize that nobody can think of a single joke or why they’re funny. Then they sit “like rats in a cage” wondering what will happen next.
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
What’s the difiference between Gore and Obama?
Gore’s stimulus money actually caused one thing to go up.
(Hey, it’s probably better than anything that software came up with.)
If it generated that Star Trek panel, it’s pretty good.
Here’s a paraphrase of another Rogers quote:
Every time that congress makes a law, it’s a joke. And every time that congress makes a joke, it’s a law.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
That's right, Hammond, you got nothing. The IPCC's joke machine has already been generating scientific papers about global warming.
And anticipation of more jobs? Sure, tech support call centers in Bangalore perhaps. But how, pray tell, would a report (or joke) generating machine create jobs? Would it not replace jobs, automating and therefore replacing the oh-so-20th-century scientist?
Or would we need a bevy of scientists to refute the "facts" randomly associated and strung together to sound authoritative coming out of the joke machine?
It does. Come on with it!
The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
This one is a little
different ...
Two Different Versions
...
Two Different Morals
OLD VERSION
The ant works
hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.
The grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:
Be responsible for
yourself!
MODERN
VERSION
The ant works hard
in the withering heat and the
rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant
is a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well
fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN,
and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with
a table filled with food.
America is stunned
by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country
of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they
sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green...’
ACORN stages
a demonstration in front of
the ant’s
house where the news stations
film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”
Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to
pray for thegrasshopper’s sake.
President Obama condemns the ant
and blames
President Bush, President
Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope for the grasshopper’s
plight.
Nancy Pelosi &
Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity
&
Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning
of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to
hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the Government GreenCzar
and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last
bits of the ant’s food while the government house
he is in, which, as you recall, just
happens to be the ant’s old house,
crumbles around them because
the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never
to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident,
and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle,
once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.
The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest
of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you
vote in 2010.
I’ve sent
this to you because I believe that you are an ant
–
not a grasshopper!
Make sure
that you pass
this on to
other ants.
Don’t bother
sending
it on to
any grasshoppers
because they
wouldn’t
understand
it, anyway.
To quote Dan Rather, “fake but accurate”.
Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”
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