Alternatives to Burning the Koran

The Looking Spoon ^ | 9-10-10 | Jared H. McAndersen

[The Looking Spoon]

As of this writing I don't know who is burning Korans and who isn't (or depending on when you read this, "did or didn't"), but this is an open letter to any holy person who thinks this is a good idea.

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Dear Inglorious Pastards,

Look at the mess you're creating. People yell at you not to do stupid stuff and you decide that you want to do it anyway. Hey! You should be a politician. Even better, since Obama is "obviously Christian" it seems you'd fit right in with his harem of spiritual advisors.

Look, I'm not concerned with people's fears of making Muslims angry. Turkey sandwiches shaped like Mohammed make them want to chop off more heads than the Highlander racing a guillotine. I'm just not convinced that you're "hearing" the answer to your prayers on this matter. Do you really think the consequences of burning Korans would be something Jesus would embrace?

At this point it's really just all about you isn't it? This is your 15 minutes and you're going to eat it up. You're starting to make the diaper lady from NASA look like a classy babe. So knock it off, seriously. You're a one-man band, and its only because nobody wants to jam with you.

Put the matches down! If you really want to demonstrate your frustration with Islam I have a few modest proposals that I strongly suggest you consider in place of your bonfire:

1. Put the Koran on a Microsoft Word document....copy the file 1,000 of times, or until your computer starts asking for a burka (whichever comes first).....and then....DELETE THEM!
   

2. If having a fire is what really gets you going then you can alternatively throw the computer into a fire
   

3. A more expensive option would be to download and delete the Koran a bunch of times with the aptly named Kindle
   

4. Thinking outside the box a bit...you can douse them in hot sauce (its more satisfying if there's pictures of flames on the bottle).
   

5. Or you can give them to really flamboyantly gay men
   

If you're no longer interested in "burning" here are a few other ideas...

1. Go through the Koran and "dog-ear" your favorite pages (they HATE dogs).
   

2. Open your Koran up to the middle, put in a hot dog, close it up and call the book a bun. (don't try eating it unless your desperately low on fiber)
   

3. Go to a book store and switch sections containing all the books on Islam with something that would be offensive to them, like, LGBT...................or pretty much any other section.
   

4. Use a peeled of label of a beer bottle as a bookmark
   

5. If its a girl Koran rip off the cover
   

6. If its a girl Koran and brand new you can arrange for it to be married to some dirty old man with a fetish for young books
   

7. Finally, instead of deleting the Koran Word docs on your computer you can "find and replace" every instance of "Mohammed" with "da Bomb"
   

So there you have it, burning is too symbolic of permanent destruction, its just wrong. You have to find other ways to do the wrong thing the right way. Of course, you can't succeed in not offending radical Islam, but at least you run the chance of being less offensive to the rest of us.

;-D

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How does this letter solve anything? The answer to that is easy...it doesn't. It can't, but it does help exhaust my overactive imagination!

The Looking Spoon is a conservative humor/satire/art/commentary blog, visit www.thelookingspoon.com to see more posts and art

[Bodleian_Girl]

The Koran Qur’an Quran, rather than being burned in public by Terry Jones at Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Fla, should perhaps be read in public so everyone would know the absolute murder, filth and degradation that Islam teaches.

[jrg]

Finally, instead of deleting the Koran Word docs on your computer you can "find and replace" every instance of "Mohammed" with "da Bomb""The Prophet, piss be upon him"

There. fixed that

[The Looking Spoon]

Thats actually a very good point, one of the strengths they have in the court of public opinion is the level of ignorance people have over what is said in that book.

What if we removed it???

[The Looking Spoon]

LOL! Thanks ;-D

[singletrack]

I’ll download and delete.....with my shoe! ( anytime shoes or cartoons are mentioned it seems to unhinge some people).

[Eye of Unk]

Somehow it just doesn’t feel the same as defacing the real thing.

[onyx]

LOL @ Inglorious Pastards

[bigbob]

Paging Simon Bond...
101 Alternatives to Burning the Koran

http://www.cartoonstock.com/101_dead_cats/index.htm

[HighlyOpinionated]

Somehow it just doesn’t feel the same as defacing the real thing.

The GOOD that has come from the threat of Koran burning is that people are FINALLY beginning to talk about all the GARBAGE that Mahomet wrote down and the FACT that his book is not "holy" at all.

Muzlums are over-reacting with such a vengeance that people are beginning to realize just how EVIL the Koran really is and just exactly what it says. People cannot help but notice that NO "MODERATE" MUZLUMS are speaking out against the "radical" Muzlums.

The Muzlums cannot hide behind Taqiyya and Kitman when we produce over fifty verses that say "kill the infidels" and they can only produce one that says "be nice to non-believers."

Veritas vos Liberabit.

The TRUTH is going to set the sheeple free AND is going draw the demarcation line between "moderate" Muzlums and "radical" Muzlums. If the "moderates" don't start speaking out NOW, then we all know that they are not "moderate" at all . . . that there IS NO MODERATE MUZLUM!

[steve8714]

Here’s my solution to the “ground zero Mosque”. Let them build this, then surround it with Bar-b-q restaurants and dog grooming parlors.

[nomad]

Got news for you, go to you-tube and do a search of “burn quran day” and you`ll see that there are plenty of people already burning, shooting, peeing, and wrapping in bacon (poor bacon) then burning it. Sorry, genie`s out of the bottle, kinda like draw Moo-hamet day.

[Mister Da]

Rather than burning the koran, Jones should burn PICTURES of mohammed.

That would silence the anti-book burning crowd & the “sacred text” crowd, while confusing the mussies who hate pics of mo. Yeah, they would still riot, but would look even more irrational than in their past performances.

[Bodleian_Girl]

You might have something there.....

[MtnMan101]

[MtnMan101]

[MtnMan101]

[nomad]

If looking spoon is a humerous site then post a link to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyKdYTzMqWo&feature=related

[Keli Kilohana]

Download the Koran to a Microsoft Word Document and then find/replace "Allah" with "Algore", then throw your PC into a bucket of global warming dry ice.

Or, save the Koran file to a CD, then break it.

Or, save it to a CD with pictures of dogs and pigs already saved on it.

Or, print it out in binary code, have the tons of paper turned into a paper mache tree and then donate the tree to a dog park play area.

Or, print it out in the Wingding font and mail it to the blind sheik with the title "Good Things About Jews" in Braille on it.

[Aquamarine]

We should pray for them.