Posted on 02/10/2010 4:30:10 PM PST by Charles Henrickson
A DUmmie got a job.
Okay, now that you've picked yourself up off the floor, don't call Ripley. You can believe it, it's true! Yes, a DUmmie got a job! DUmmie here_is_to_hope is the new prole, as he reports in this THREAD, "Thats right. I got hired. I got a job."
Now of course this SHOULD call for a celebration of capitalism, free enterprise, and the private sector--all the things that produce jobs. But count on the DUmmies to not get so carried away that they forget their socialist cause. So let us now witness the inadvertent congratulations to capitalism, quickly countered by collectivist cautions, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, back in St. Louis for a couple days between trips to SoCal and Chicago, is in the [brackets]:
Thats right. I got hired. I got a job.
[Bummer, dude! Your mom wanted some rent for your room in the basement?]
Its part time sure but it will fill up our bellies with food.
[Yay! More Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs! Michelle Obama be d*mned!]
I have to be up at 0300 to be at work at 0330.
[A.M.???????]
I have to move 2400 lb. pallets of paper onto a truck and then deliver them.
[Pitt must have a new essay in the works.]
So? I can do that. I will do that.
[Watch that individual work ethic! Could be dangerous!]
Bills? Well, they are going to get paid!
[Careful! Personal responsibility could turn you into a FReeper!]
I just got home from the first day. My legs are tired, my eyes have boogers floating across the cornea's. . . .
[TMI !!!]
But I have a job. I am needed. Yay for me.
[A new taxpayer! Yay!]
For a bit of irony...two weeks ago, we jumped through all of the hoops and applied for TANF (welfare).
[Your "Temporary Assistance for Needy Families" is paid for by "Taxes Assessed on Nose-paying-through Freepers". . . . You're welcome.]
Yesterday was my first day of attending 'workshops' on how to find a job. Before I left for that humiliating session, I called about a job I saw on craigslist. Interviewed on the phone, offered the job in the afternoon, started this morning.
[So in other words, the government didn't get you a job; good old-fashioned private initiative did. Thanx for this inadvertent testimony to capitalism!]
TANF immediately issued me checks for boots, work clothes and gas money. Got to love the support. D*mn Socialist safety net.
[Capitalism gets you a JOB, socialism gets you a pair of boots, and you choose to celebrate . . . socialism??]
Oh, is this a great Country or what?
[Hooray for capitalism! . . . Oops! Sorry! . . . Now let's see what the teeming masses of (non-)worker ants have to say . . .]
Congratulations!
[The welfare boots did the trick!]
I never understood why people think manual labor jobs are worth so much less, as they take so much more out of you than mental work. But then, I've always been a bit Socialist. . . .
[What a surprise! A Socialist in DUmmieland!]
Be careful with your tendons and joints. You could really hurt yourself and get tendonitis.
[If you do, smoke the joints.]
Be careful with your back. Wear the harness.
[WEAR THE BEAR!]
Your employer is very lucky to have you!!!
[The rotten capitalist pig is not worthy!!!]
Shades of "The Jungle":
"So his hands relaxed and he merely said quietly: 'It is done, and there is no use in weeping, Teta Elzbieta.' Then his look turned toward Ona, who stood close to his side, and he saw the wide look of terror in her eyes. 'Little one,' he said, in a low voice, 'do not worry--it will not matter to us. We will pay them all somehow. I will work harder.' That was always what Jurgis said. Ona had grown used to it as the solution of all difficulties--'I will work harder!' . . .
I'm sad that you are so happy.
[Boo! Down with working harder!]
Try to tuck a few bucks away so by the third paycheck you can treat yourself and family to a meal or a movie.
[A vegan buffet, followed by the Che biopic! FUn for the whole family!]
Congrats. Though...Id rather traffic drugs or steal from rich people than do what you describe.
[We all have our gifts.]
Best of luck and maybe someone here can give a little info on the proper way to lift stuff. . . .
[You mean shoplift?]
Energy sent your way.
[White light, good vibes, and everything else that avoids God!]
"Going to sleep well tonight for all of the right reasons." Amen.
[That was Will Pitt checking in. Wee Willie hasn't slept well since April 2005. Wee Willie hasn't had a job since early 2004.]
I have a dream--that one day everybody who's willing to do an honest day's work can get full-time employment with benefits and a living wage in the richest country in the world.
[Maybe if your socialists in Washington would stop trying to destroy business, we'd have more of those jobs.]
DUDE!!
[YOU'RE KILLIN' ME WITH THIS WORK STUFF, MAN! JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT!!]
DO treat yourself to a night out, even if its just a movie. . . .
[Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story." Just in time for Valentine's Day.]
I always preferred physical work. Except gardening. . . .
[And lifting things. And bending.]
yay for socialist work boots.
[These boots are made for workin'
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots
Are gonna stomp on the head of our capitalist overlords . . .]
I hope you have a decent quitting time if you have to be there at 3:30.
[3:45. It's a union job.]
You, with your attitude are the REAL American!
[And well on your way to becoming . . . A LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]
I'm holding off on the "great country" part until millions of unemployed and underemployed people are as happy as you. . . .
[So work hard, make lots of money, pay exorbitant amounts of taxes, and we'll spread the wealth around for you!]
here's hoping your employer is smart enough to realize what a great find you are.
["Another prole to oppress and squeeze the life out of! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"]
Will someone please buy this man a drink???
[Don't look at Pitt!]
Yay for you!!!!
[Yay for job-creating capitalism! . . . Oopsie! Slipped again!]
And yes, this country is great!
[Stop it! Stop it! Let's get back to bashing corporatist AmeriKKKa!!!]
One more DUer announcing that they've found a job!
[That makes 14, at least!!]
[And now, one last check-in with DUmmie here_is_to_hope . . .]
Hi every one! Second day is done, had a blast. Not as tired as yesterday but every bit as happy. I received a company cell phone, keys and assorted handbooks, a pat on the back and a heart 'welcome aboard' so I am in!
[That does it, here_is_to_hope. You are now officially part of the private enterprise system, and as such, a target of the socialists in D.C. Sooo . . . any time you want to take the walk over here to FReeperville, you are more than welcome! We will greet you with open arms!]
Did a DUmmy really say that??? My Beeber has been mega-stuned! It's a new stune record!.
CLASSIC!!!
It’s been a while since I checked in on the DUmmies... sheesh, they’re farther off the deep end than I remember.
Be careful with your back. Wear the harness.
And the totally clueless check in. You don't lift 2400 lb. pallets using your hands, arms or back. You use a fork lift. And when moving them into a truck, you don't use the hand push/pull type of lift, you use a motorized lift that you ride. Huh. I guess 25 years in the printing industry taught me something.
I didn't take this as newspaper delivery. I took it as loading trucks at a paper warehouse for delivery to printers. And I doubt he's doing the driving.
You may be right but the hours that he works indicate newspapers to me although his use of paper rather than newspapers is odd. Printers are not going to get their paper delivered at 5 or 6 am. On the other hand newspapers aren’t going to be on pallets. It says he delivers them so why wouldn’t he be driving.
Hattend is correct.
Environmental, Health and Safety
Oops, you’re right, he does say he delivers them. Sorry, I missed that. Still, the newspaper angle doesn’t compute for me. Unless he’s delivering to newspaper printing plants; that could be. Whoever he’s delivering to, they’d have their own forklift.
The most common size sheet for newsprint is 24x36”. Not sure of the basis weight for newsprint, but it would seem to me to be around the 20# range (i.e. a ream of newsprint, 24x36” would weigh 20#). At 2400 lbs, that pallet would have 120 reams.
A 4x6 pallet would have 4 reams per layer. That would be 80# of 20# stock. So 30 stacks of 4 reams each would equal the 2400 lbs. That seems pretty high.
[Bummer, dude! Your mom wanted some rent for your room in the basement?]
Probably got a job delivering census forms to the post office which will end when in a few weeks after the forms are mailed out to citizens.
[So in other words, the government didn't get you a job; good old-fashioned private initiative did. Thanx for this inadvertent testimony to capitalism!]
This DUmmie had to go to a workshop to learn how to work?????
[Boo! Down with working harder!]
That is more like it DUmmie, stay on the government tit as long as possible and suck tax dollars from the real Americans.
That is a typical DUmmie attitude. Stealing and drugs are prevalent in holly weird.
[You mean shoplift?]
LOL on the shoplift.
Wait until the employer finds out his new employee is "lifting" products or comes in late day after day.
The poster is really rahm emanuel trying to viral the rumor that people are getting jobs thanks to the obamesia.
[Your “Temporary Assistance for Needy Families” is paid for by “Taxes Assessed on Nose-paying-through Freepers”. . . . You’re welcome.]
OK, that is by far your BEST LINE EVER!
Where did you wind up eating before you left Cali, Charles?
I give him a month before the other employees see his looniness and start to disassociate themselves with him, then he becomes the “company weirdo” that everyone avoids. Soon after that a mysterious “injury” will ocur that puts him on worker’s comp and calling those daytime commercials for personal injury lawyers.
The “injury” will cause a doctor to prescribe narcotic painkillerrs (which opens up a whole nuther DUmmie profile) that he gladly takes everyday and has yet one more thing to blame his laziness on.
The disability check is in the mail!
Then he can wake up at noon everyday and go to DUmmieland and complain about how capitalism and Bush made him a pill-poppin bum.
Want to take bets on when? I say "after he gets his first paycheck and realizes how much the gov't yanks out off the top".
Also, I've loaded pallets of paper on to trucks. It's not what I'd call fun, but, with a pallet jack and/or a forklift, neither would I call it "incredibly backbreaking work".
I suppose, though, if you've never done "incredibly backbreaking work" (like this DUmmie) ... it looks pretty tough.
At the large office supplier that I worked at, we used pallet jacks. The forklift when we could.
Motorized lifts would have been nice. Maybe they hadn't been invented yet, I was doing this 20-odd years ago. :-)
By motorized lifts, I meant forklifts as opposed to pallet jacks. We had forklifts to handle finished goods, and clamp trucks to handle our paper rolls (same as a forklift except it had a large clamp on the front). The clamps would be moved to vertical to engage the large (30” to 50” dia) rolls of paper. Then carried from the truck to the paper warehouse, or from the warehouse to be staged behind the proper press. In the warehouse, most would be stacked on their sides as we could inventory far more that way.
Pallet jacks were also used, but in a limited way. Mostly, they were used in our bindery, for moving skids or pallets behind our various bindery machines. They were never used to move raw paper since it was all in roll form.
My business wasn’t news printing but business forms. A quite different environment. Our paper came, mostly, directly from the mills, though we did buy some paper from local paper merchants, who maintained some inventory of roll product for short time delivery situations. These weren’t office suppliers per se.
I still think it’s newspapers given his hours and that it’s part time. The pallets may get unwrapped or broken down during the delivery process. He may have said paper instead of newspapers so the other dummies wouldn’t know exactly where he was working. Amd I am pretty sure newsprint comes on rolls to feed the presses.
I was in the business forms industry, so am fairly unfamiliar with the news industry. I agree, most major newspapers print from roll stock (as we did). You could well be right about this being newspapers, It’s just that a 2400# pallet seems a pretty heavy item to me. That’s my biggest wonder about this.
I think most newspaper comes in large rolls and is cut after printing.
2400lbs. sounds heavy for a pallet to me too.
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