Posted on 01/07/2010 9:51:07 AM PST by big black dog
Every Tuesday I go to Murphy's Taproom in Manchester to hang out with a bunch of liberty-oriented people. This is a famous event among Free-staters. About 40-60 people gather weekly for about 4 hours and eat and drink and are merry. I'm no longer allowed to go there, because I don't tip.
I've written some of my thoughts about tipping in the past, and have since fleshed out my position in my mind, so I won't focus here on the reasons to tip or not to tip. Here, I want to merely explain what happened tonight.
About 6 weeks ago, someone at Murphy's charged my credit card for a tip even though I did not pay one. I probably wrote a "0" (zero) on the tip line because I have done that for years, but perhaps the waiter, or whomever, hand-wrote "3.0" in front of that to look like "3.00," because they charged me a $3.00 tip. Next Tuesday I told Keith Murphy, the owner of Murphy's Taproom, and he refunded my $3.00. I did not ask to see the original receipt and he did not offer to let me see it.
Then, a few weeks later, I was again charged for a tip that I did not offer. In case you're curious, I do not tip ever, so I am positive that I did not tip in either of these instances. So tonight when I was gathering with my friends at Murphy's, I told Keith it happened again, for $4.00 this time. He said he'd look into it and refund my money if it was true (he has no reason to trust me, so I accept that he should trust the original paperwork). But then he asked me if I tipped the waitress in cash. I said "No." He asked me how I tipped the waitress. I said "I didn't. I don't tip." Keith then asked me to come with him into the back room to talk about it.
On the way back he said to me, "I've got to warn you, I was a waiter for 10 years." I'm sure this was meant to alert me to his position on the matter, which seemed to be pro-tipping, but it seems odd to think that me knowing his position would alter mine.
He asked if I received good service. I told him "The service is average here, but I can understand why: the place is a zoo. People are changing tables, moving around, it's crowded..." I was being conservative in that estimation of the quality of service: service at Murphy's is generally pretty bad (not always!) but for the aforementioned, understandable reasons.
He let me know that the waiters earned $3.00 per hour. I said, "Yeah, I learned that a month ago. That doesn't happen in California." He told me it's standard on the east coast, which I also learned about a month ago.
He asked me why I don't tip waiters that earn $3.00 per hour, and I told him "It's not my problem or choice. They chose to work for $3.00 per hour and could choose another job that paid more if they wanted to." He asked for more reasons, and I told him "I don't tip anyone" and "if I tip the waiters, why don't I tip the cook or the owner?," and possibly one or two more reasons. He said "But you do tip me [the owner], in a way. I get a small portion each time you pay." And I replied, "So do the waiters: $3.00 per hour."
To this, Keith replied, "I don't pay my waiters $3.00 per hour to give good service." I said, "Yes, you do." He said, "No, I don't." I said, "Yes, you do. You hired them at $3.00 to do what?" And he said "To wait on customers..." - and here he realized what he was saying, and added "...with the expectation of receiving the standard 15-20% tip in addition to their wages." He also told me that "tipping is a custom in this country - at least, and many others." I'm aware of this, and I'm aware of countries in which tipping is considered an insult (e.g., Japan), and I'm aware that on cruise ships, for example, that are in international waters and flying flags of convenience (i.e., they are not in any country), tipping is also customary; I did not mention any of this to Keith.
Keith then told me, "This is nothing personal against you, but if you're not going to take care of my wait staff, I don't want you in my restaurant. It's your right to not tip, but it's my right to not want you as a customer." I replied, "OK. I understand. Please refund my $4.00 and I'll leave. Can I have five minutes to say goodbye to my friends?" He allowed me five minutes.
As I was saying goodbye to my friends, Keith approached me and gave me my $4.00 and showed me the original receipt, explaining "It was an accident. The waitress though the zero you wrote on the tip line was a four, and you can see it does kind of look like a four." It did indeed look like a four. But I did not write it that way. When I write any dollar amount, ever, I write the full amount, like "$4.00" or "4.00" - never like "4" - but on the receipt, all that was written was "0" and that had a few extra lines and squiggles that made it look kind of like a "4." And the number "3" in the total amount at the bottom of the receipt had been written over as well, to make "$23.20" look like "$27.20" - I did not do that, either. I stuttered a few seconds, trying to find a polite way to tell Keith that it was not an accident, that his waitress intentionally stole my money, but I figured he was not going to un-ban me and I didn't see a point, so I just said, "OK."
I recognize that it is Keith's restaurant - his private property - and as such he has the right to choose his customers. I do not hold it against him that he banned me, or even that he disagrees with me about tipping. I am merely disappointed that I will no longer be able to go to Taproom Tuesdays. I really enjoyed that event. And there are some friends that I hardly ever see except there. Oh well, I'll have to make more of an effort to see them elsewhere.
I realize, though, that what Keith essentially did was ban me from the restaurant because he's too cheap to pay his wait staff better. That's not exactly true, because the government has a law saying that restaurant owners must pay their tip-receiving wait staff exactly $3.00 per hour - no more and no less. But Keith could make better arrangements with his employees and not hold his customers responsible for his wait staff's well-being. Keith could, for example, pay his wait staff more, but keep it under the table; or he could offer to give them, out of his own pocket, the difference between whatever his customers tip and 20% of their bill; or he could make a policy in his restaurant that tipping is not allowed, and then the law would allow him to pay them more; or he could even help his wait staff recognize that tips are not guaranteed like wages are, even as reward for good service. But he would rather pay them less of his own money and rely on his customers to follow tradition and give them more money. And his decision to do so, in this case, cost him a customer.
Y’know, I think I know what my problem is, and why I am rubbing some in the business the wrong way.
I am a very low maintenance customer. Other than asking for jalapeno’s on the side with the occasional mexican meal, I just want to choose my food, get it in a reasonable time and while it’s still hot, and be able to pay for it relatively shortly after I complete the meal. If something sucks I either decide I will never eat there again or, if it is a place I frequent, I’ll guess someone just made a mistake. I don’t complain.
There is very little a waitperson needs to do for me that is not their very basic reason for being employed in the first place.
It is because I do not like being waited on. It is disrespectful to the person doing the “waiting”. My sister and her Husband are VERY rich. When I visit their home or we spend a week with them on their 115’ yacht I always make the mistake of “overly befriending” the staff and not letting them wait on me. I’m getting better at it but it always makes me uncomfortable.
I would love to have a button at my table so that I would only be “bothered” by a wait person when I really need something. I’d hardly ever press the button, would be allowed to converse with my friends uninterrupted, and would be happy to pay a tip based on how many times I pressed the button, and how fast it was responded to.
Not at all.
You said you don't like to tip.
That's true. I hate it. I wish it would go away.
I said, then get take-out. You said what if I like their food and want to sit down. (I believe that implies that you wanted to sit down and didn't want to tip.).
Well, I do *want* to go to a sit down restaurant without tipping. I always want to stop paying taxes. It's not going to happen in my lifetime. If you mean that I stated an intention NOT to tip, then you're simply wrong.
My confusion is, if I am willing to tip (even though it's an abyssmal practice), why should I feel obligated to avoid restaurants where it's expected?
When I lived in the State of Washington, we had a favorite Bistro owned by a hard working Lebanese. I’ve seen him chase a customer down the street, yelling, when the guy turned back the remains of a spinach salad (one leaf left) and demanded that it be removed from the bill, saying. “I forgot that I don’t like spinach!”
Another favorite ploy that angered him was when a customer would ask, “Could you please substitute smoked salmon for the rice pilaff?”
He’d say to my husband, “Smoked salmon is $2 a lb. Rice pilaff is a nickel. Does that ba—t-rd think I’m crazy?”
Give me a break. Except for fine restaurants, most bartenders know little else than how to pop a top off and mix a hi-alcohol shot for drunk college kids.
And btw, I was a bartender many years ago. I earned more in 4 months of partying and carousing with the customers than my annual income for my first 5 years with a “real job”.
Sounds like a selfish shmuck. I guarantee he’s eaten and drank other people’s bodily fluids many times unwittingly...
The basic premise of a free market is an exchange by a willing buyer and a willing seller.
The seller no longer is willing to provide a enjoyable venue for you to hang out — without what he believes would be your fair contribution to providing such an opportunity that you obviously take advantage of.
Most people tip what is customarily expected, but if they don’t have an enjoyable experience, don’t return every week — as you do because you’re getting a fantastic deal. But with anything in society, somebody has to pay for it — and if everyone is not contributing their fair share, then those venues disappear. If all the customers are like you, they go under.
A lot of people expect a lot, if not everything, and think the object is to get without providing anything in return. But somebody has to provide them — or do their small part, rather than demanding they should get something for nothing, because the other guy is not as “smart” as you are.
The general rule is that if you don’t want to tip, don’t go out and eat/drink, or go to places where tipping is not expected. If tipping is expected and how the operation works, that’s what everyone is expected to help out in — even if it’s not stated in a contract.
Most people give each other the benefit of the doubt — until one has a proven track record of intent, and if your clear intention is never to tip ever, then that owner knows you well enough to calculate whether you are an asset or a liability to his business.
For any business, besides the money, the quality of their customers, is what gives them high repute and standing in the community, and they are validated by those whose opinions matter.
To force oneself on others on your own self-determined favorable terms, is the reason people don’t want to be associated with you, and do business with you.
There was a new chain restaurant opened probably a year ago relatively close to my house. The first time I went there the service and the food were spectacularly bad. You can expect that for the first few weeks there would be issues, but this was past that time. What infuriated me the most was that the high school to college age employees had plenty of time to stand, laugh and gossip, but not to do their jobs.
I left no tip, and sent a blow-by-blow description of my experience to corporate HQ. They sent me a gift certificate, I went back a few months later, and the service and food were both very good. I think I tipped 25%.
Tips are one of the ways we leave feedback for a job done. I pay $40 for a haircut, same guy I've been going to for 20 years; I always have a $5 in my pocket for him.
I went to a waterfront restaurant before Christmas, ran up a bill of about $115; the waitress was wonderful and the food was great. I think I rounded the ticket up to $160.
I've worked for tips as a waiter. I'm on a professional haitus right now and I'm working as a dispatcher for an airport shuttle company. Drivers depend upon tips to supplement their income.
I have no guilt when I answer an outsized sense of entitlement with a $0 tip. That sends a message, also...one I'm happy to explain if asked. The only moral and rational response to an inappropriate sense of expectation is, "No."
Those on this thread who emphasize "customary" ignore "voluntary"...yet, I'm sure they understand the difference between a 10% tithe and 10% sent to the IRS.
Who can figure...
You might not be aware -- but there's lots of types of bars between fine restaurants & college bars. You may want to reconsider where you hang out. The bar/restaurant I worked at required a lot more including, as mentioned before, dealing with drunken a-holes.
And btw, I was a bartender many years ago. I earned more in 4 months of partying and carousing with the customers than my annual income for my first 5 years with a “real job”.
In other words, you were a crappy employee?
Wow.
No matter what you think about tipping, that is tacky and completely rude.
I am glad your husband gave her something in private.
If you don’t like something, you tell the server immediately, not wait until the end. I think some people say things like that just so they can get a comped meal, and it is really rude.
If you are willing to tip (graciously or not) there is no problem.
>>How is that?<<
Try refusing service to a black man. I dare ya.
Cheap F***.
Nobody believes that tending bar is the path to wealth and prosperity.
That’s awful. I am shocked the other folks at the table didn’t leave their own tips.
Good waiters shouldn’t be hassling you too often. They should be looking for empty stuff (glasses to refill, plates to take away) and about half way through should ask how your food is, but other than that unless you engage them in conversation should be leaving you alone. I’m not a chatty guy, so I’m totally in alignment on the not wanting to be hassled, but I do want my glasses refilled.
However, one guy who goes on a regular basis to the same restaurant, always stiffing the hired help, is a jerk and deserves to be 86'd.
And what reason would a restaurant have for banning a black man from their premises?
There is very little a waitperson needs to do for me that is not their very basic reason for being employed in the first place.
Same here. I virtually never complain or send anything back (it has to be something absolutely inexcusable, like chicken that's bloody & raw inside), and I'm sometimes kind of embarrassed when my wife does, or when she makes some special request. Accuracy and keeping liquid in my glass are pretty much the only things I want from a server.
No, life isn’t.
But, that isn’t really the point.
I always tip. But I have sometimes wondered if this makes sense when I am in a smaller ethnic restaurant where the waitperson is obviously the owner or a member of the owner’s family.
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