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Homeland Security Chief Defends Air Safety System
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 2 January 2010 | John Semmens

Posted on 01/02/2010 12:10:02 PM PST by John Semmens

While admitting that there are “imperfections” in the nation’s security measures against “man-caused disasters,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Nipplitaliano maintained that the system is basically sound—comparing the avoidance of a Christmas Day bombing of a Northwest Airline flight to a football team’s “goal line stand.”

“Look, nothing happened,” Nipplitaliano insisted. “No bomb went off. Sure, the guy never should’ve been allowed on the plane in Nigeria or Amsterdam. Granted, the lack of a passport would normally prohibit a person boarding an international flight, especially for a person on the terror watch-list. But these errors occurred outside US jurisdiction. The important thing was our back-up plan worked.”

The “back-up plan” apparently is to rely on unarmed passengers to take action against on-board terrorists. The would-be bomber, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, was tackled by a passenger before he could set off the bomb.

Nipplitaliano urged critics not to forget that “thousands of flights landed safely without incident on the same day. I mean, even if a flight were to blow up everyday, it still would represented less than a 1% casualty rate. Which is, I think would be reasonably tolerable considering how much worse it could be.”

President Barrack Obama concurred in Nipplitaliano’s assessment, calling the bombing attempt “an isolated incident. There were thousands of flights that day and only one was attacked. Even if it had been successful it would not have represented a significant threat to our government or my personal safety. Americans can rest assured that even if a plane they are on is destroyed, the critical components of our society will be protected.”

Note: the "Best of Semi-News" for 2009 is posted here...

http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2010/01/02/the-best-of-john-semmens-semi-news-2009/

(Excerpt) Read more at azconserv1.wordpress.com ...


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: aviation; flight253; nipplitaliano; satire; terrorists
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To: John Semmens
Well done sir!

And this is spot on government elitism:
"Even if it had been successful it would not have represented a significant threat to our government or my personal safety."

21 posted on 01/02/2010 8:47:30 PM PST by uptoolate (I have a feeling that blood will have to be spilled...)
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To: John Semmens

John, your best article has to be the one with the Vet’s Benefits where you had John Stewart commenting. I’m still receiving that one from the guys. Someone copied it and passed it around as if it was real Breaking News. The last one I received in that format was just over a week ago.


22 posted on 01/03/2010 6:57:41 AM PST by Bringbackthedraft (Don't blame me, I voted for Palin! And I will AGAIN!)
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To: John Semmens
2010 is going to be a target rich year....unfortunately...heh heh heh
23 posted on 01/03/2010 4:01:56 PM PST by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus)
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