Posted on 01/02/2010 12:10:02 PM PST by John Semmens
While admitting that there are “imperfections” in the nation’s security measures against “man-caused disasters,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Nipplitaliano maintained that the system is basically sound—comparing the avoidance of a Christmas Day bombing of a Northwest Airline flight to a football team’s “goal line stand.”
“Look, nothing happened,” Nipplitaliano insisted. “No bomb went off. Sure, the guy never should’ve been allowed on the plane in Nigeria or Amsterdam. Granted, the lack of a passport would normally prohibit a person boarding an international flight, especially for a person on the terror watch-list. But these errors occurred outside US jurisdiction. The important thing was our back-up plan worked.”
The “back-up plan” apparently is to rely on unarmed passengers to take action against on-board terrorists. The would-be bomber, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, was tackled by a passenger before he could set off the bomb.
Nipplitaliano urged critics not to forget that “thousands of flights landed safely without incident on the same day. I mean, even if a flight were to blow up everyday, it still would represented less than a 1% casualty rate. Which is, I think would be reasonably tolerable considering how much worse it could be.”
President Barrack Obama concurred in Nipplitaliano’s assessment, calling the bombing attempt “an isolated incident. There were thousands of flights that day and only one was attacked. Even if it had been successful it would not have represented a significant threat to our government or my personal safety. Americans can rest assured that even if a plane they are on is destroyed, the critical components of our society will be protected.”
Note: the "Best of Semi-News" for 2009 is posted here...
http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2010/01/02/the-best-of-john-semmens-semi-news-2009/
(Excerpt) Read more at azconserv1.wordpress.com ...
ping
ping
Barrack Obama concurred in Nipplitaliano’s assessment,two idiots can’t do anything right.
Gold for 2010 John. Golden
(Channeling my inner Obama)...
I bow to your keyboard...well done, John. Well done.
You could sell jockstraps to eunuchs.
John... Had to LOL.
Keep up the good work.
This incident reminds me of a scene in Spinal Tap - where one of the band members sets off the screening wand with a tinfoil wrapped pickle.
Hollywood probably influenced Sparkler Speedo before his demonic descent into Islamofacism.
well done
Startin’ the New Year off with a >>>>BANG<<<< ya are John.
Thanks for the chuckle, and have a great New Year.
LOL!! Good one, but you should have put this in there as well.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Nipplitaliano can rest assured that even if a plane she is on is destroyed, the critical components of our society will be protected.
Janet needs to retire - go home and bake cookies for the grandkids...
...Janet Nipplitaliano...
Too funny. Good one John.
John, do you ever worry that you’re going to post one of your satires, only to have it come true in the near future? A premature truth, so to say.
Sorry GOPJ, John caught you napping on this one.
great stuff!!
You had to go out and make me think of Napolitano’s nipples, didn’t you? Now I need to scrub my mind. : )
But great work, as usual.
You’re right - I’ve been had!
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