[GSWarrior]

I am print production manager at a libertarian think tank and we get to write our own performance reviews. My advice is to be as positive you can be. Write yourself a good review.

Hope this helps.

[the_devils_advocate_666]

Just suck it up, play the game, and write down the standard crap. No need to make waves.

[LiteKeeper]

As a software application developer, I resemble your situation.

[sniper63]

I have to do the same thing, both for myself and the people that wok for me. I look at them as does the manager and VP of operations. Being Sarcastic is not the way to go.

If you have issues with the training bring it up in a paositive light that more training in the field you are working in would make you more profitable for the company.

As long as your goals and quality are good for the company you might see some change in how they react to your review.

[jb257mag]

I am working on mine today. Got about 80% complete this year. Picked up additional locations on west coast and not able to complete personal development portion due to time. Be cautious on your comments, as this tight job market will create a tighter focus on such as this.

[central_va]

Google all that stuff and cut and paste away. Then drink a beer, knowing that management has plans, and an H1-B will be breathing down your neck soon. Be thankfull you didn’t get a raise, they’d fire you then.

[SGCOS]

yep. twice a year. goals, training, etc.

it seems like a pain, but in the end I'm glad it's required.

[jessduntno]

“Any thoughts? I wonder if anyone other than my direct manager (who is a joke) even looks at this stuff. I’m thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.”

If you want the truth, from what I read, they might be looking for a way to dump you...you hate the company, the policies and the people...why are you there? You wouldn’t exactly be the “team player” that a downsizing organization would want to hang on to...I’d look for something else if I was that miserable...before they dumped me...

[Michael.SF.]

I have been doing these targets and growths for my team for three years now. Coming into it new the first time I got HR to give me a copy of past targets, growths, goals, etc. then used that as the satring point for each team member.

Change the words a little bit, switch them around from person to person, and use the old ideas, to trigger new ones.

[SMARTY]

We do that annually. It is my boss's golden opportunity to kick s^%$ in my face and otherwise humiliate me. It is the only time in the year she says more than 3 sentences to me at once.

In the mean time, I go on doing this job as I did before she got here and it was ‘excellent’ for her predecessor. What's that tell you?

The system we use is bovine excrement and is in NO way constructive or functional. I measures NOTHING except my boss's inimical character. Incessant reprimand passes for supervision here. That's what happens when you get a woman on a power trip for a boss.

[IrishCatholic]

Is this really the time and the economy to start acting out? So what you don’t impact directly in the categories. Take the categories and expand on them to impress how you contribute.
Should there be lay offs, do you want to be waving a red flag saying pick me?

[Tijeras_Slim]

I have to do this happy happy BS every year. It’s a wink and a nod exercise in pencil whipping.

We did have a very senior employee, with a retired Colonel’s pension who hated it with a passion (had topped out, so why write a review?). The last one he did was a selection of appropriate Dilbert cartoons taped to the paperwork.

[DBrow]

Training can include conferences, or even reading stuff if it’s for your job.

Training- Attended “Future of C++ as it relates to Labview VI Coding” conference in Las Vegas, read “Fortran is Not Dead” to gain insight in future directions, attended mandatory fire exit safety training”, watched the CEO’s Ethics and You miniseries online,

Even if it sounds like making stuff up to you, blow your own horn as much and as loudly as you can. You are competing with other people and other programmers and the guy who stuffs his assessment full is ahead of the guy who leaves it blank.

[Bubba Ho-Tep]

Suck it up. Write up what you’ve done and what you’re doing in the most obtuse, dense corporate-speak you can muster. For the training stuff, write something like, “maintained and developed function-specific knowledge through professional journals, internet resources, and other media.” In other words, you read at least one magazine article, read one web page, and watched one TV show even tangentially related to what you do.

[AbolishCSEU]

See the nov. 22nd dilbert.com strip. As for me, I have to deal with the theme of the nov. 29th strip.

My boss is completely impotent and ineffectual. He seldom if EVER gets back to me. He lets a 27 year old shrew keep his manly objects in her purse. Of course said shrew is jealous of me and hates me (see nov 29th dilbert strip)

I have a self review as well. Basically it’s pointless busy work. OH yeah and I work in IT as well.

[snippy_about_it]

In today’s job market I don’t think I’d be sarcastic in my comments. Is this for your own job performance? They want you to write a blurb on your goals in those four categories? If so you can freepmail me and I’ll be glad to help with what I do for myself and those on my team that I do reviews for. By the way, be glad your salary will remain flat. Their are a few FReepers, myself included that received more than one pay cut this past year alone.

[Cyber Liberty]

I'm thinking of being really sarcastic in my entries, just for the heck of it.

I find your desire to be the next person fired refreshing. I hope you work in a department of my company, as you are going to be the lightning rod for future job shrinkage, thus doing your part to protect me.

[Paladin2]

Being able to write your own PR is a definite plus.

[Seruzawa]

Just invent some gold-plated BS. Throw in a lot of impressive MBS-speak terms like “paradigm”, “embrace the change” and “process improvement”. Remember that executives rise to the level of their own incompetence so you only have to worry about what your immediate supervisor thinks. No one above him is smart enough to understand what you are doing.

[badbass]

I can tell by your observations that you will probably be self employed one day. I notice and rebel against this corporate crap everytime I see it. It's the biggest waste of time anyone ever dreamed up, and the fools who are being paid to dream it up should be horsewhipped for wasting countless hours of productive time.

So...I'm pretty much self employed now and slowly going broke, lol. But I guess that is the price to be paid for not being able to put up with such idiocy. I'm hoping hard times will make companies quit being stupid, but I see no signs of it yet.