DUmmie FUnnies 09-22-09 (Fifth Anniversary Special Edition: Return to Rathergate)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 22, 2009 | DUmmies, Li'l Beaver, and Charles Henrickson

[Charles Henrickson]

Li'l Beaver sez:
"Today is the DUmmie FUnnies' FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!
Ask me anything!"

Yes, boys and girls, it was five years ago TODAY that PJ-Comix started the DUmmie FUnnies as its own stand-alone feature on Free Republic! Since then, the DUFUs have grown to amass the LARGEST ping list on FR--1,037 pingees!--and have spawned a DUmmie FUnnies blog on Blogspot.

And what a FUn ride it's been! We started by satirizing just the DUmmies of Democratic Underground, but PJ has expanded our horizons to take in the KOmmies of Daily Kos and the HUffies of Huffington Post. The Looney Left provides a target-rich environment!

Let's take a little trip down memory lane, shall we? The mere mention of memorable DUFU terms should bring back loads of laffs: Perfect Rovian Storm, BBV Bev, "just $10 away", Pied Piper Pitt, Deconcession Chamber, "I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!", Crying DUmmie, LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!, Hopi Elders Prayer, Chimpus Khan, Head DUmmie Skinner, DUmmie stevenumbers, Not One D*mn Dime Day, MIHOP, Kewpie Doll, DUmmie Ant Farm, The Andy Stephenson Situation, Scamdy, foliage, sfexpat2000, goodboy, The Day When Everything Finally Changed, DUAC! DUAC!, Pitt in a ditch, fire ants, Lucy pulling away the football, Chimpeachment, Bukowski's, Ty the Bouncer, Peace Love & Tolerance, "Is that you, benburch?", Fitzmas, Freudenschade, Leopold & Lib, Sealed vs. Sealed, 24 business hours. . . . And that's just a small sampling from our first couple years! The list goes on and on.

Our DUFU today, appropriately, brings us back to the beginning. The DUmmie FUnnies began on this date in 2004, and the very first DUFU edition was titled, DUmmie FUnnies 09-22-04 PM Edition (Was Roger Stone Behind Memogate?). As the Fates would have it, today we make a Return to Rathergate, with this current DUmmieland THREAD, "CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit."

But before we get to the DUmmie comments, let's click the music link and sing along with Dan!

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE DAN AWAY
Tune: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!"

Remember when I broke the news
How Bush got in the Guard
And didn't have to leave
To go to Vietnam?
Well . . .

I pushed that story hard
Just weeks before Election Day
And so of course you know
The thoughts I had in my mind
Like . . .

They're going to give me a prize, Ha-ha!
They're going to give me a prize, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a journalist
Who helps the Democrats all the time
And I'll be happy to put
That nice award
In my trophy case
And they're going to give me a prize, Ha-haaa!

You thought it was a fake
And so you cringed
You cringed when people said
That superscript was not done at that time
Right . . .

The people laughed, I heard them laugh
They laughed, they laughed and laughed
You made me leave
But now you know I'm Rather upset!
So . . .

I'm going to take you to court, Ha-ha!
I'm going to take you to court, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a tidy sum
Like six--no, seventy million bucks
And put me back on the Evening News
And make all the viewers watch
And I'm going to take you to court, Ha-haaa!

I read your news
I gave my views
And this is how you pay me back
For all my years of bold unbiased news?!
Hah . . .

Well, you just wait
I'll find the proof
And when I do
They'll know that Dan is not some sort of old unbalanced nut!
'Cause . . .

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the anchor desk
With lights and cameras and breaking news
And four producers who sit and smile
And tell me that I'm the best
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

And now, without further aDU, we go to the DUmmies, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, aka the Wag Tailoring the Doggerel, filling in for the Big Guy, PJ--who is probably celebrating the DUFU anniversary even as we speak by feasting on Jamaican jerk chicken and Flor de Caña rum with Li'l Beaver at DUFU Mansion--is in the [brackets]:

CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit

[So now . . . now . . . the truth will finally come out . . . and we can finally impeach Bush--and Cheney! . . . and, and . . . TO THE HAGUE WITH THEM!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!]

A New York judge on Monday rejected CBS Corp's bid to dismiss former TV news anchor Dan Rather's $70 million lawsuit claiming he was fired over a controversial election-year report on former President George W. Bush's Vietnam War-era military service. New York State Supreme Court Justice Ira Gammerman set a December 22 hearing in the case and directed that testimony be taken from witnesses, including Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom Inc, which controlled CBS at the time. "Let's get this case moving," Gammerman said. "I would really like to get this case ready for trial."

[Oh please. Oh PLEASE!! OHPLEASE OHPLEASE OH PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!]

Unfortunately, they will not be individually held responsible... They probably have it written into their contracts that they are indeminified.

[DEMIN!]

Tell that to Kenny Lay. Or Bernie Maddow. Or lots of others.

[Did Rachel Maddow finally get the operation?]

Great news!

[Get out the champagne!]

Go get 'em Dan-o!

[Break 'em, Dan-o!]

I hope Dan wins big time. Also the truth comes out about bu$h's missing 2 years. . . . I know that and you know that, but the real world is still in denial.

[DUmmieland is the Reality-Based Community®.]

This could be interesting!

[This could be HUGH! Keep telling yourself that, as you wait for the Great Pumpkin to appear.]

Good, now they get started.

["Started"?? Why, Rather has already won the case! The verdict has just been sealed for now.]

Money is not the issue here. . . .

[That's why Dan is only asking for a paltry $70 mil.]

I want to know who set up Rather and Mapes (the producer).

[Karl Rove, of course.]

YAY!

[WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Excellent. I am SO rooting for Dan Rather in this case.

[Freudenschade, baby!]

Will Rather ever get tired of this lawsuit? Never ending.

[Just hold on another 24 business hours.]

Bizarre post.

[Me like bizarre post! Bizarre post am good!]

Yup, very bizarre. There's a lot of bizarre going around on DU.

[One kewpie doll, on the way!]

The freepers all still think Rather tried to frame Bush with fake docs. . . .

[Fake but accurate. Just ask Mary Tyler Mapes, Girl Journalist.]

Discovery should be AWESOME.

[Did Dan get a job at the Discovery Channel?]

Dan, the man, is on a mission.

[Gunga Dan is on the move!]

I love you, Dan Rather!

[Is that you, Mary Mapes/Dan Rather/benburch?]

I think someone planted the computer generated version.

[A Perfect Rovian Form.]

GO DAN! . . . IT'S ABOUT TIME!

[Pop those champagne corks, people!!!]

As witnessed by Katie Couric's interview with Glenn Beck. Why would CBS lend credence to a raving lunatic?

[Good question. Katie is a bit of a nut, isn't she? Why are they lending her credence?]

Oh, Danny Boy . . .

[The Mapes, the Mapes, are bawling. . . .]

Go go to trial!

[BEEP! BEEP!]

[FredZarguna]

Or was the mole this guy: Supersecret double-counter spy for the Fourth American Empire^TM? [Burn before reading all correspondence.]

[Roscoe Karns]

Ned Lather. Grove’s right-hand man.

[bcsco]

Wee Willie will turn 38 this fall, shortly after his wedding.

Judging by his most recent photo here, I'd add at least 10 years...and I'm being kind.

[bcsco]

That old German script is called Fraktur. I've had to read a bunch of it in my theological studies.

It's a beautiful script, but difficult to read at length. No wonder you wear glasses (as I do, of course). And, no, I don't read German. My German is mostly limited to German cuisine (Spätzle, Zulze, Spikgans, Kartoffelpuffer, Spek, Sauerbraten) and such remarks as "Ein bier, bitte" or "Kann ich kaufe Ihnen ein Getränk".

Of course, those were from my overseas days...

[Petronski]

Back in the day I had crafted two “Schadenfreude” pics. One was black-on-white, still; the other was a blurred black on red with an alternation of the text every .80 (plus or minus .2) seconds.

I later converted it to Freudenschade in hot pink after a ridiculous convolution to that end was posted on DU.

[FredZarguna]

Ned would be my candidate. His story is a thread through American history which has no end -- but the beginning and middle are curiously occulted. For example, there are very few references to him on the Internet, although he is cited as a "Shutter Shy" student at South Dakota State University in 1958: lib.sdstate.edu. Why did he refuse to be photographed for his own yearbook, one wonders?

Curiously, a story in the Fergus Falls Journal concerning the shadowy figure appears to have been pulled. Take a look here to find the vacant "story" on our Mr. Lather. "Would you like to share this story?" Indeed we would... but where has the story gone?

Now, although I have posted a recent photo of this enigmatic figure, he apparently faked his own death in October of 2005, as one can discover by searching the Watertown Library via Bing: http://watweb.sdln.net/obits/lather. Yet things grow ever curiouser, for this death notice does not appear in Google Search. Is the obituary part of a CIA Legend? Or something even more convoluted, devious and bizarre?

Who is the man behind Kurt Grove's greatest hoax? We may never know.

What we do know is that the Single Superscript Theory^TM was part of an elaborate ruse to set Bill Burkett up as a patsy that would would bring down John F. Kerry, one of the great JFK impersonators of our generation.

Yet another Massachusetts JFK's presidential career ends in Texas: there are no accidents.

[Victoria Delsoul]

Happy DUmmie Anniversary!

And may the dummies continue to show us what a big joke they are.

[hsalaw]

The photo on the left is definitely my favorite. Classic examples of DUmmieism.

[mikrofon]

Whether it’s a quip to counter the DUmmies’ “logic” or a timely graphic, it’s always FUn to contribute!

I’m remembering the effort in ‘07 to have DUFU as the top Funniest Weblog for the year — alas, the power of the Dark Side couldn’t be overcome...

[mikrofon]

Graphically, a posthumous tip of the hat goes to michigander, who contributed many a FUnnie pic to the threads over the years.

Also, I have done a few take-offs of the 'xxxxx_enfreude' image, using an Olde English Gothic script that is very similar to Fraktur.

[mikrofon]

Still reeling from the pre-nuptial party at Bukowski's, Wee Willie will turn 38 this fall, shortly after his wedding.

The gift that keeps on giving....

[Roscoe Karns]

The obit from the Waterdown Regional Library lists him as Lather, Ned “OLE”. Hmmm, does “ole” = “mole”? An inside joke perhaps?? Also the date of birth is left blank.....???

[mowowie]

Thanks for all of the wonderful memories guys and please keep them coming!

I look forward to these threads every day.

[mowowie]

Poor girl needs her head checked.

[FredZarguna]

Good catch.

Kurt's keen and occasionally diabolical sense of humor, no doubt. The DUmmies never stood a chance.

[X-FID]

That’s some funny stuff there.

[granite]

Happy anniversary!