Posted on 07/31/2009 7:28:07 AM PDT by Notoriously Conservative
This is from an e-mail I recieved, I did not write it myself:
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. You can keep California, and New York. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and the "National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine," "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing," "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World."
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
http://www.notoriouslyconservative.com/2009/07/lets-get-divorce-from-liberals.html
They can keep NY City, the rest of New York ain’t so bad. Lots of conservatives/Republicans are here. We just need to revive them.
For starters you’d want to divide the thing up along county lines and not state lines; too many states including NY and Md. in which it’s just two or three goof counties which are blue. We’d have to guarantee them a food supply and land corridors connecting the pieces of blue-land, while we’d have to have sufficient access to the Pacific ocean and at least one major Pacific ocean port, so that we’d probably want Washington state and Oregon. That would be just for starters of course.
bttt
The libs should get full custody of them; they pretty much control them already anyway.
Problem is, liberals want to boss conservatives (the productive) around. They know that their constiuents are unproductive layabouts, they want to tax and command the fruits of the productive. Basically, they’ll only agree if we give them half our output as alimony.
Bookmark.
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