Posted on 06/26/2009 7:40:47 AM PDT by mfnorman
Women can fall head-over-heels in love with a totally ugly man. It's rare that a man will do so - regardless of her persuasive intimacy skills.
Not that I would know personally, of course.
So what, Congress is trying to vote on cap and tax that will cost each one of us thousands of dollars per year, shutter local businesses including restaurants, and put our economy into a tailspin. Also we will be taxed additionally to pay the higher electric and heating costs (natgas, heating oil) for millions of lazy people that do not pay taxes. Heads up!
yes, a woman who has that ability can conquer the world. If you ever wonder what it is about some women—if you ever look at an old portrait of a famous royal mistress and think “huh, that’s her? Couldn’t the king have done better?”—well, this ability is what she had. A woman can change history this way.
Every woman should feel that way about her husband, and he to her.
I vote that quote of the day.
Why does she have caterpillars over her eyes?
And I am sad for him that he was married to a woman who couldn't do that, and apparently (based on the emails), never could.
Mmmm . . . maybe. Don't believe everything you read in the emails of an unfaithful husband.
You know, it's quite possible that when the marriage began, Mrs Sanford thought her husband was the most wonderful man in the world. She probably did or she wouldn't have married him. And then she found out over the years that he wasn't wonderful at all. Maybe she understands him very well and knows he's a sleazeball. It's tough to be supportive and loving then. I've seen this a million times.
It's possible that no wife on earth could provide enough support and worship for the ego of a narcissist (and most politicians are narcissistic). Living in the DC area as I do, I've seen this more than a few times, too.
It's also possible that Maria Belen Chapur would have discarded Mark or he her if they had had a chance to be with one another full time to see each other's shortcomings and errors and humanity. It's easy to romanticize about someone when you can't see them for long and just have time for passion. Seen that as well.
Don't blame the victim here.
These days, it would probably be some Republican politician talking about his gay lover....
I empathize with many of the things Mark wrote in those emails because I could have written them, too. I totally understand where he's coming from. I understand how a part of him wishes he could hit a reset button on his life so he'd be free to make the right decision and be with someone he was in love with and not merely loved, and for that someone to feel the same way about him-- and to not have all of the collateral damage from going in that direction at this stage in his life.
Frankly, sir, I think you are dragging your own admitted marital issues into your interpretation of this regrettable situation in South Carolina. And because you are sympathetic to Sanford, you are indeed blaming the victim. You have inserted all sorts of information into your post that go far beyond what we, the public know, so either you are close to the Sanford situation or you are dramatizing about feelings and situations about which you have absolutely no knowledge.
I reiterate, as other posters have done: don’t be naive. You have absolutely no reason to suppose that Jenny Sanford was ever unaffectionate, unsupportive, or unsexy. Since she has money and he didn’t, she surely would not have married him if she didn’t love him. So please don’t blame her for her husband’s disgusting transgressions unless you have some firm evidence that she is and has always been a cold wench or nasty or abusive. My sympathies will change if it is indeed shown that she’s a beast.
(It is not, by the way, fair to suggest that because a person is raised with money that she is therefore unloving. I’m acquainted with many wealthy people who are among the most tender, loving, and/or passionate you would ever want to meet—not a cold fish among them. To suggest otherwise smacks of class envy and liberalism.)
And if as you say you could have written those emails, let me give you a piece of hard advice: get the divorce first; then go hunting for love. You will be thankful later, your lawyer and your wife’s lawyer will be much poorer, and your kids won’t be quite as contemptuous of you.
In the long run, though, you will be the one disappointed if you think there is some glorious perfect woman out there who is going to make you happy. Ninety-nine percent of the men who leave a loving spouse for someone they think they adore end up being sorry about it, because situations like that are inherently unrealistic.
I reiterate, as other posters have done: don’t be naive. You have absolutely no reason to suppose that Jenny Sanford was ever unaffectionate, unsupportive, or unsexy.
Well, I do have reason-- Mark Sanford's emails, which he never imagined would see the light of day, and so, are more likely to be true of his thoughts and feelings. Mark recalls Jenny as saying (or perhaps someone else very close to him-- but his memory was likely right and it was probably Jenny) that while my mom was pleasant and warm it was sad she had never accomplished anything of significance. So, Mark had to tell her that she provided unconditional love to Mark (and others, of course). That's the kind of woman that Jenny is (that thinks that way about people like Mark's mom) and that she is not, apparently. Mark was made to feel by Jenny that she didn't love him for who he was, like his Mom did-- and Maria, one supposes, but instead for what Mark can get her, give her or become for her. The mixed metaphor he uses of a "full tank of love in the emotional bank account" was provided by his mom. He said he "did not need love fifteen years ago" before he went into politics, so it wasn't a big deal to be with someone like Jenny. But, it had become a bigger and bigger deal year after year ever since.
Since she has money and he didn’t, she surely would not have married him if she didn’t love him. So please don’t blame her for her husband’s disgusting transgressions unless you have some firm evidence that she is and has always been a cold wench or nasty or abusive. My sympathies will change if it is indeed shown that she’s a beast.
I'm sure Jenny does love Mark. I don't really doubt that. No argument here. That's not what this is about. I don't think Jenny was taught how to make a man feel like his "emotional bank account" was full. I have known plenty of women like that. It's just who they are. I'm not saying she's a beast, or abusive, or anything. I'm not saying it's her fault. It's totally Mark's fault because he was young and stupid and married a woman he shouldn't have married because she's not the kind of woman he needs to feel joy. He chose a golf cart. You can't blame the golf cart for not winning the Indy 500. Golf carts don't win car races. If he wanted to win a car race, he should have gotten himself a race car. The fault is entirely his that he was too immature and unwise to know how to judge women he was dating to know if they were the right fit for him. Maybe he thought she'd change, but that's his error, too. People don't change.
I wasn't suggesting that Jenny was unloving, much less that it was because she was from a very wealthy family. She just doesn't make Mark feel loved. And, it wouldn't surprise me if the way Jenny was raised was the reason Jenny doesn't do that, because being that kind of passionate person really is completely un-useful to being the kind of daughter parents like hers would want to deal with and to going into the business world with her family tree, because the business world rewards emotional restraint. I know many wealthy people who are exactly like that. Again, Jenny is who she is-- take her or leave her. Mark chose her and it was a terrible mistake, but it was Mark's choice ultimately.
I don't need an attorney. My point was that I understand completely where Mark is coming from. I am willing to live out my days with the poor decisions I have made. I don't blame anyone for those decisions and it is selfish to want to be happy at this point, when it would make my children unhappy. I'm no one special and don't have any right to go find happiness somewhere at this point. Life's pretty short and I'll be dead soon enough. That's the same conflict that Mark was dealing with, though he let things get too far along because it felt so good to have a woman not just love you, but be in love with you, for her to sparkle when she sees you and for you to have an amazing warmth come over you when you think about her because of how she makes you feel with all that love and affection being given to you. My point was that this isn't just some political sex scandal like Spitzer or X42 something.
It’s too bad we don’t have emails from Mrs. Sandford to her lover, telling us how bad Mark is and he never truly loved her or understod her. Then we could blame Mark for her affair.
We don’t have them because no matter what kind of husband Mark might have been, she actually didn’t break her marriage vows.
I don’t blame Jenny for anything. You’re suggesting I did.
GSC,
I have the greatest sympathy for your situation. It seems you are an honorable man who is doing what is best for your children. If it’s any consolation to you, statistics are that people in troubled marriages who stay together for some reason—kids, money, whatever—report five years later that they’re actually pretty happy once again. I hope your marriage is the same. I can tell you from personal experience that even if you think all is lost, God can restore even the most tormented relationship.
Anyway, back to the Sanfords:
You are assuming that what Mark Sanford wrote in his emails to his mistress was accurate. My point is that every unfaithful husband in the history of the world has told his girlfriend, “My wife just doesn’t understand me.” This makes them feel their behavior is okay. He can’t very well say, “My wife is an angel who knows me inside and out, but you have a better butt and no stretch marks.”
You’re assuming also that Sanford is not as narcissistic as most politicians are and that this South American ho could really make him happy. The truth is that there is no such thing as enough love, flattery, attention, and support for people like this. If ever a woman showed real understanding and offered a mature relationship, he’d run like a rabbit.
I used to work as a counselor. I saw this a zillion jillion times. Some of these guys can have the most adoring wives in the world, but no matter what the women do, it still wouldn’t be enough. The husbands still feel self pity and still feel justified in taking mistresses because they’re misunderstood and nobody is working hard enough to make them feel loved enough. But a merely human wife cannot fix a narcissistic personality disorder. No matter how great she is, she can’t compete with a romantic fantasy.
I will pray that you will someday feel the love you long for.
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