I reiterate, as other posters have done: don’t be naive. You have absolutely no reason to suppose that Jenny Sanford was ever unaffectionate, unsupportive, or unsexy.
Well, I do have reason-- Mark Sanford's emails, which he never imagined would see the light of day, and so, are more likely to be true of his thoughts and feelings. Mark recalls Jenny as saying (or perhaps someone else very close to him-- but his memory was likely right and it was probably Jenny) that while my mom was pleasant and warm it was sad she had never accomplished anything of significance. So, Mark had to tell her that she provided unconditional love to Mark (and others, of course). That's the kind of woman that Jenny is (that thinks that way about people like Mark's mom) and that she is not, apparently. Mark was made to feel by Jenny that she didn't love him for who he was, like his Mom did-- and Maria, one supposes, but instead for what Mark can get her, give her or become for her. The mixed metaphor he uses of a "full tank of love in the emotional bank account" was provided by his mom. He said he "did not need love fifteen years ago" before he went into politics, so it wasn't a big deal to be with someone like Jenny. But, it had become a bigger and bigger deal year after year ever since.
Since she has money and he didn’t, she surely would not have married him if she didn’t love him. So please don’t blame her for her husband’s disgusting transgressions unless you have some firm evidence that she is and has always been a cold wench or nasty or abusive. My sympathies will change if it is indeed shown that she’s a beast.
I'm sure Jenny does love Mark. I don't really doubt that. No argument here. That's not what this is about. I don't think Jenny was taught how to make a man feel like his "emotional bank account" was full. I have known plenty of women like that. It's just who they are. I'm not saying she's a beast, or abusive, or anything. I'm not saying it's her fault. It's totally Mark's fault because he was young and stupid and married a woman he shouldn't have married because she's not the kind of woman he needs to feel joy. He chose a golf cart. You can't blame the golf cart for not winning the Indy 500. Golf carts don't win car races. If he wanted to win a car race, he should have gotten himself a race car. The fault is entirely his that he was too immature and unwise to know how to judge women he was dating to know if they were the right fit for him. Maybe he thought she'd change, but that's his error, too. People don't change.
I wasn't suggesting that Jenny was unloving, much less that it was because she was from a very wealthy family. She just doesn't make Mark feel loved. And, it wouldn't surprise me if the way Jenny was raised was the reason Jenny doesn't do that, because being that kind of passionate person really is completely un-useful to being the kind of daughter parents like hers would want to deal with and to going into the business world with her family tree, because the business world rewards emotional restraint. I know many wealthy people who are exactly like that. Again, Jenny is who she is-- take her or leave her. Mark chose her and it was a terrible mistake, but it was Mark's choice ultimately.
I don't need an attorney. My point was that I understand completely where Mark is coming from. I am willing to live out my days with the poor decisions I have made. I don't blame anyone for those decisions and it is selfish to want to be happy at this point, when it would make my children unhappy. I'm no one special and don't have any right to go find happiness somewhere at this point. Life's pretty short and I'll be dead soon enough. That's the same conflict that Mark was dealing with, though he let things get too far along because it felt so good to have a woman not just love you, but be in love with you, for her to sparkle when she sees you and for you to have an amazing warmth come over you when you think about her because of how she makes you feel with all that love and affection being given to you. My point was that this isn't just some political sex scandal like Spitzer or X42 something.
GSC,
I have the greatest sympathy for your situation. It seems you are an honorable man who is doing what is best for your children. If it’s any consolation to you, statistics are that people in troubled marriages who stay together for some reason—kids, money, whatever—report five years later that they’re actually pretty happy once again. I hope your marriage is the same. I can tell you from personal experience that even if you think all is lost, God can restore even the most tormented relationship.
Anyway, back to the Sanfords:
You are assuming that what Mark Sanford wrote in his emails to his mistress was accurate. My point is that every unfaithful husband in the history of the world has told his girlfriend, “My wife just doesn’t understand me.” This makes them feel their behavior is okay. He can’t very well say, “My wife is an angel who knows me inside and out, but you have a better butt and no stretch marks.”
You’re assuming also that Sanford is not as narcissistic as most politicians are and that this South American ho could really make him happy. The truth is that there is no such thing as enough love, flattery, attention, and support for people like this. If ever a woman showed real understanding and offered a mature relationship, he’d run like a rabbit.
I used to work as a counselor. I saw this a zillion jillion times. Some of these guys can have the most adoring wives in the world, but no matter what the women do, it still wouldn’t be enough. The husbands still feel self pity and still feel justified in taking mistresses because they’re misunderstood and nobody is working hard enough to make them feel loved enough. But a merely human wife cannot fix a narcissistic personality disorder. No matter how great she is, she can’t compete with a romantic fantasy.
I will pray that you will someday feel the love you long for.