DUmmie FUnnies 12-02-08 ("Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 2, 2008 | DUmmie graywarrior, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

[Charles Henrickson]

Now that the Young Prince has been elected, I thought everybody's problems would be magically solved?? Then how come DUmmie graywarrior has posted this THREAD, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!"? Well, maybe the magic will have to wait until January 20, 2009. DA*N THAT BUSH! Why can't he get out NOW and let Obambi take over?! So let us grab a hankie and watch the DUmmies commiserate with DUmmie graywarrior, in Red Ink Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the Old Philosopher Charlie Henrickson, thinking maybe PJ-Comix can give graywarrior advice on cutting her grocery bills, is in the [brackets]:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!

[Weeeeeee--WHOOOAAA! Wha' hoppen? I thought Obambi was going to FIX everything??]

The economy is working just great for us! AND and and, we make too much money to qualify for heat assistance! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Thank Gaia for global warming!]

AND and and, we gave our notice to move because we can't afford the rent and our landlady is starting eviction proceedings because we broke the lease (because there is STILL raw sewage leaking in the walls from the two condos above us which she refuses to get on the condo associations ass about)...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Call Joe the Plumber.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND and and, our car broke down on Thanksgiving Day so we had to put $400 on our credit card to get it fixed so we could drive 120 miles back home after visiting relatives we have not seen in years.

[This was Gaia's way of telling you to reduce your carbon footprint.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND AND AND Mr Gray has to have a non-melanoma tumor removed from his arm in two weeks after already waiting three weeks because we have no health insurance!!!!!

[So you don't have health insurance! At least you've got high-speed internet!]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!]

I am so excited to be alive right now I can't tell you! Life is just so great, yessiree. Good thing I am whacky and insane otherwise I'd be sucking on the tailpipe of my Toyota.

[Only non-wacky, sane people suck on tailpipes of Toyotas.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Hiya, cousin. . . . You say you tried to sign up for food stamps and unemployment but they fired the people at the food stamp office so you couldn't? You say you make too much money for heat assistance so you threw your money in the fireplace so you'd qualify? And you think you've got raw sewage leaking down the walls, only you're not sure because it kind of blends in with the wallpaper? And you spent your last dollar getting your car fixed so you could visit relatives you don't even like? Is that what's bothering you, bunkie? . . .
WELL, LIFT YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND TAKE A WALK IN THE SUN WITH THAT DIGNITY AND STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS THAT YOU'LL SHOW THE WORLD, YOU'LL SHOW THEM WHERE TO GET OFF, YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP . . . THE SHIP!
Now this is the Old Philosopher saying . . . Let's hear from the DUmmies . . .]

Stay the f*ck away from the tailpipe of your Toyota, do you hear me???

[Support public transportation! Use the tailpipe of a city bus!]

There's one cold comfort in all this. It can't get a whole lot worse.

[Thank you, Mr. Sunshine.]

At least we will soon have a President who will actually do something to correct all this sh*t.

[Yes! Yes! Hope! Change! If only we can hold on a while longer!]

This is my usual food pantry day but I didn't feel like standing outside in 17 degree weather in line for an hour.

[You might get your tongue stuck on a pole.]

And walk through the supermarket and look at the price of bread and milk.

[You need to take PJ-Comix to the store with you, to give you advice. In fact, PJ, you should have your own cable show: "The Grocery Whisperer."]

Things will get better. 1 20 09.

[I have a feeling that, like the Millerites of old, you will experience "The Great Disappointment."]

Once the focus is on us the citizens of America all that ails us will be getting better.

[Come quickly, Obamassiah!]

no health insurance but we do alternative medicine anyway.

[A good joint helps make your troubles disappear.]

Hoping things get better come Feb., March after Obama and Co. can get some programs for the jobless going.

[Obambi to the rescue!]

Come on universal health care and stimulus package..I think about 10,000 each for people in your situation would be great.

[Piker! Go for a HUNDRED thou!]

It is times like these we need to look out for each other. How can we start a secret santa/giving tree type thing on DU?

[DUmmie graywarrior is only $10 away from having $10.]

My only good reliable coping mechanism, when life is the sh*ts, is to take pleasure in small things: a new magazine and a cup of cocoa, a day off when it's snowy outside, a movie or board-game night with family or friends . . .

[. . . making artistic designs out of the raw sewage on the walls. . . . You know, the little things. . . .]

We can all blame bush but sorry to say
It started before his election day
Republicans were in power even then
Although Clinton was the president.

[And come the end of January
When the President is our friend Barry
And Dems in Congress run both houses
We'll still find a way to blame those louses--
THE RETHUGLICANS!]

Screw the wealthy for begrudging us the right to live.

[When all else fails and your life stinks, BLAME THE RICH!]

this gives me another excuse to scream, "F*ck you, Bush!"

[Well, at least SOMETHING good comes out of all this!]

crappety crap. sending you some mental hope, gw. Hope it helps.

[Look, the walls are getting cleaner!]

I'm sure you'll dig your way out of it but right now, just ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

[Unnngh..]

I am hoping that all this crap is behind you.

[It sounds like it's staring her in the face!]

No insurance here, either, but at least I don't have sh*t in the walls. . . .

[Life is good.]

[dirtbiker]

My oldest son works for the local NAPA dealer here in town. We (my brother and I) got him to apply for this job while he still worked for a furniture dealer.

He has been there for over 2 years now, loves his job, and his boss tells me that he is one of the best workers he has.

I used to comment to my ex-wife that despite listening to the experts, reading the books, taking the classes, etc. about raising children, darned if they didn't turn out alright anyway....

Step-kids, too....

[PJ-Comix]

Welcome aboard PINGEE #1028.

[HighlyOpinionated]

You're a better person than I am. I couldn't handle that job. I don't have the patience for it. My life in management in the private sector seemed sufficiently full of aggravation. I'd not last a day in an environment you present.

I'm not a better person than you or anyone else. It was a job I could do, it included retirement benefits and health insurance. It turned out that I was good at Casework and wasn't afraid. I could go to the "Section 8" apartments on a Friday afternoon. The drug dealers knew I wasn't a threat to them and would merely look up and then go back to counting money when I walked by. It was usually some little old black lady calling out to those standinga round "it's okay, it's Miss Cxxxxxxx" and no one ever challenged me. I do not recommend this to anyone else. This was a "different world" back in the '70's through the '80's.

[Nowhere Man]

I heard Neal Boortz say this one time. Voting "rights" should be only for those that own property and pay taxes....

Good idea although a step in the right direction is if one is on welfare, one loses the right to vote as Michael Savage said. I would have a test in addition where onr has to pass it. It would be basic reading, math and comprehension along with basic history. To vote, you would have to pass the test, if you are blind, deaf or otherwise handicapped, you will be provided assistance in overcoming whatever you have but you must still pass. Welfare, you lose the right to vote, get off if it, you get it back. Exceptions, if you are retired and on Social Security or cannot work for a bona fide medical reason, but again, you still have to have passed the test. I think if you are working or have worked and are retired, you have a stake in society so you should have your say. If you do not produce and are able bodied, you are just along for the ride and you don't really have a stake at all.

[Nowhere Man]

My oldest son works for the local NAPA dealer here in town. We (my brother and I) got him to apply for this job while he still worked for a furniture dealer.

Advance AutoParts here, so yeah, we are one of the competitors. B-) It is quite booming now, so far, I'm getting all 40 hours a week although I was promised 30 or 32. I'm glad. My truck needed a battery so I got one at a 20% discount.

[MrB]

When Clinton was elected, I remember a SNL skit where the chic was saying that he promised “more stuff” -

“like, where’s MY stuff?”

[graywaiter]

Good ideas, and I would add passing a drug test before any government assistance was granted. My employees have to pass one before they can work for the government, so welfare, food stamps, etc. should have to pass a urine test before they get anything. If they’ve got money for dope, they’ve got money for food & shelter.