DUmmie FUnnies 07-07-08 ("My mom is SUCH a...")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | 07/07/08 | DUmmie XemaSab, DUmmies and Paul Heinzman

[Paul Heinzman]

Ever have an adult child move back home to take over your house, your phone, your food and make up their own rules in your house? Add to that their being ungrateful about your hospitality because of a sense of entitlement and you get something like this DUmmie THREAD entitled "My mom is SUCH a bitch."

Here we see an example of the liberal mindset. A grown person moves in with her mother, presumably because she cannot support herself, and complains about the lack of freedom and privacy. Liberals will talk and talk about a "social safety net;" what they really are talking about isn't a safety net, it's a hammock.

So let us now observe a clear example of DUmmie entitlement and ingratitude in Bolshevik red with the comments of your humble guest correspondent, Paul Heinzman in [the brackets].

My mom is SUCH a bitch

[That makes you a dirty dog.]

I really can't deal with this at all.

Since I moved back here 6 weeks ago, I have talked to each of my three closest friends ONCE each. Why is that? Because I can't have a goddamn phone conversation in this house.

[How dare she want someone not tying up her phone and running up her bill.]

Last night I went to go call my friend Clay and my mom told me that if I wanted to make a phone call I should go in my room. I said "No, I'm going in the back yard." My mom then said well why didn't I go in the front yard so she could go in the back yard to smoke while I was on the phone. I again reiterated that I was GOING to go in the back yard to talk on the phone and if she wanted to smoke SHE could go in the front yard.

[You'll smoke where I tell you you can smoke, Mom.]

So I go out back and I can my friend (for the second time in six weeks.)

I'm on the phone for 5 goddamn minutes and she comes out SCREECHING that I ate all the Fritos and now she doesn't have anything to eat with her ham sandwich. Basically that bitch FORCED me to get off the phone after 5 minutes because I was doing something that wasn't about her.

[You did something that WAS about her: You ate her Fritos.]

(I ate the last of the Fritos on Tuesday; there's Cheez-Its, there's cottage cheese, there's basically all kinds of stuff she could have had, but NO, I'm the bitch because I ate all the Fritos and didn't tell her. And never mind the fact that I don't eat meat OR tomatoes, and I've been subsisting on macaroni and cheese and beans out of a can for weeks.)

[She doesn't even have the common courtesy to stock her pantry with proper vegan food. You poor child.]

Then, later in the evening, she was getting ready for bed and I told her I was going out in the carport for a minute. I unlatched the gate to the carport, and she bursts out of the house asking if everything's okay because the dogs were upset. Like, DUH, that's why I told you I was going in the carport for a minute. It's like being 5 years old... honestly. I can't go in the goddamn carport to get my goddamn CD's, which shouldn't be in the carport ANYWAYS, without her acting like it's a crisis.

[She probably assumed you were going out there to smoke dope...or GARLIC.]

I really can't deal with this shit at all.

[And you shouldn't have to. Your mother should just rent an apartment somewhere. Now on to witness the DUmmie reaction to this obvious infringement on DUmmie XemaSab's entitlement to free food and housing.]

She is the one acting like a five year old in these examples.

[Like a five year old homeowner who's grown accustomed to having Fritos rather than Cheez-Its or cottage cheese with her ham sandwich.]

The mother is having to deal with someone coming back home to live and all that that entails, such as the Fritos being snarfed and not replaced. She'd probably thought the house was hers (at last), and now she has to share it again - with someone who eats all the Fritos!
It really does work both ways. At least she agreed to Xemasab coming to live back home, she could have said 'no'.
Cut her some slack.

[Three comments in and you get a Kewpie doll. That might be some kind of record.]

But IMO, the mother is overreacting to some very minor things; we don't expect adults to have the grownup version of a temper tantrum over something like the last of the Fritos being gone. It suggests to me that her mother has other "issues" for which the Fritos were but a vehicle. And those kinds of issues can be extremely difficult to deal with in a positive, productive manner given the parent-child dynamic. That was my point, perhaps I didn't make it very well.

[Thanks for adding the psycho to the babble.]

Why does she have to smoke in the front if you're in the back?

[Since that question falls on deaf ears, I'll presume it is because her mother is 1) not allowed to smoke around her vegan daughter, and/or 2) not allowed near her daughter when she is on the phone.]

It seems to me if you want to live with your mother, you need to accept it's her house and her rules.

[Lousy FReeper Troll!]

So you use her home. Her phone. Her Fritos. And she's a bitch?

[How dare her mother claim property rights?

This goes on for a few more posts, but the rules are only one Kewpie doll and one LFT awarded per thread. However, the tide turns:]

Your comments to XemaSab are insulting and you should apologize.

You have NO idea why she moved back home and to equate her moving back with her mom to her being a failure is beyond the pale.

You should apologize.

[I'm sorry. She obviously deserves free food, lodging and telephone, plus Internet service, a computer and a smoke-free environment, regardless of her life choices. It's not too much to ask from someone who is able to pay the bills.]

Honestly if you wanted to post a fake whiny spoiled teenager rant you wouldn't have to change one word.

[She could have used the "C" word instead of the "B" word. I think the kids these days prefer the "C" word.]

People like XemaSab and myself would have had no trouble being on our own a few decades ago. I am a college graduate and a hard worker and I still can not afford a place of my own, especially in Southern California.

[A few decades ago, like before the "Great Society" and the "War on Poverty." Yeah, that redistribution of wealth thing's kind of a bitch, ain't it?]

Hello? WTF? Is this DU?

[I mean really! Time was when DUmmies would've burned her mother in effigy.]

OMG, can we please stop being so judgmental and assigning blame here? We don't know all the facts, but we don't need to. One of our own is in a lot of pain, that's all we should need to know.

[Leave XemaSab alone! It's her life and if she wants to spend it making her mother miserable, that's her right.]

I personally know that what Xema is going through is something that has been ongoing since she was a little girl.

[That's usually where the spoiling starts.]

Move out, that will show the bitch.

[Her mother will not be able to stop crying...tears OF JOY!]

I moved in with my father...I do pay rent each month, but it is minimal ($250 a month).

[That's not rent...that's not even beer money.]

Someday that bitch will die, and you'll have to get your own place with your own fritos

[I challenge anyone to top that.]

[Paul Heinzman]

You may notice that this DUmmie THREAD is just over two weeks old. All I can say is that this hit a little close to home. I think I needed that time to really find the humor.

I hope it's there.

Honestly, with the traditional Independence Day posts about how DUmmies hate patriotism and America, combined with the Jesse Helms grave dancing over the weekend, this ended up pretty FUnnie to me.

[MarineBrat]

Beat the ping! Woohoo!

[Paul Heinzman]

PING!

[txroadkill]

top 5!

[SaveTheChief]

What a charming, charming woman. It’s a mystery to me why she’s such a failure and forced to move in with mom. Hands off, guys. This one’s mine!

[Old Sarge]

Six?

[darkangel82]

Honestly if you wanted to post a fake whiny spoiled teenager rant you wouldn't have to change one word.

Common sense on DU? Stop the presses.

[Charles Henrickson]

My mom is SUCH a b*tch

Is that you, Chelsea?

[NeoCaveman]

top 10

[Charles Henrickson]

Since I moved back here 6 weeks ago, I have talked to each of my three closest friends ONCE each. Why is that?

Most phones these days can both transmit AND RECEIVE calls. How come your "closest friends" haven't called YOU?

[PeteB570]

What can I say - The mom has a real winner, ah, hummph, whiner there.

[Charles Henrickson]

I can't have a godd*mn phone conversation in this house.

No wonder. Mommy must be too busy washing your mouth out with soap.

[Charles Henrickson]

Last night I went to go call my friend Clay. . . .

Is that you, Sanjaya?

[Doomonyou]

I ate the last of the Fritos...

The perfect vegan food.

[redgolum]

You know, I had the same conversation with a guy at work the other day.

It is a lot more fun in person!

[txroadkill]

and she comes out SCREECHING that I ate all the Fritos and now she doesn't have anything to eat with her ham sandwich.

I'm betting it was this guy.

[Charles Henrickson]

my mom told me that if I wanted to make a phone call I should go in my room. I said "No, I'm going in the back yard." My mom then said well why didn't I go in the front yard so she could go in the back yard to smoke while I was on the phone. I again reiterated that I was GOING to go in the back yard to talk on the phone and if she wanted to smoke SHE could go in the front yard.

OK, now I'm missing the part where you explain why you couldn't either a) make the call in your room, or b) let your mom go to whichever yard she preferred and then you make the call in the remaining yard.

[Paul Heinzman]

You know, I had the same conversation with a guy at work the other day.

It is a lot more fun in person!

I've had similar conversations with two of my kids so far. Hence the 16 day waiting period. We'll call it the Brady Bunch Bill.

[Charles Henrickson]

she comes out SCREECHING that I ate all the Fritos. . . .

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

[Paul Heinzman]

What a charming, charming woman. It’s a mystery to me why she’s such a failure and forced to move in with mom. Hands off, guys. This one’s mine!

Yes. Ordinarily, one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of her stature.